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♪ My words are lazy ♪
♪ My thoughts are hazy ♪
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♪ But this is one thing ♪
♪ I'm sure of ♪
3
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♪ Everybody needs ♪
♪ A best friend ♪
4
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♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪
5
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man [on TV]:
♪ Pizza in the morning ♪
6
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♪ Pizza in the evening ♪
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♪ Pizza at suppertime ♪
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♪ When pizza's on a bagel ♪
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♪ You can eat pizza anytime ♪
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Jesus.
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That's something
a lunatic would say to himself.
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Yeah, no shit.
13
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♪ Pizza in the morning ♪
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♪ Pizza in the evening ♪
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♪ Pizza at suppertime ♪
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Yeah, that's something
you'd find smeared in blood
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on the wall at a crime scene.
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Also, aren't
pizza in the evening
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and pizza at suppertime
kinda the same thing?
20
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No, not to this guy.
He's lost his fuckin' mind.
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Come in.
22
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Okay.
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Um, so I'd rather die
24
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than ask you guys
for this particular favor.
25
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Not a strong opening
to whatever this is.
26
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But I have finals next week,
and I'm all out of pot,
27
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and I need it to study.
28
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Could I please
borrow some from you guys?
29
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Well, well, well.
30
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Isn't this a fine
sack of balls?
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Come on.
I can't concentrate without it.
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And I got a shit ton
of work to do.
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Compliment us.
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- What?
- Compliment us.
35
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- One each.
- Yeah.
36
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And make it good too.
37
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Somethin' we don't
even know about ourselves.
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Okay.
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Uh, John...
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you are one of the only people
41
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who walks at the right speed
in the mall.
42
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Wow, that's...
that's actually huge.
43
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It is.
44
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And, Ted, I like that
45
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if I find blood
around the house,
46
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I know that it's not yours.
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A fuckin' plus, Blaire.
48
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Johnny, fetch the pot box.
49
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Pot box incomin'.
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Thank you.
51
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Oh, shit.
52
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- What?
- We're out too.
53
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Oh, fuckin' great.
54
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Well, okay, just a thought.
55
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Maybe we go without
for a little while.
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Would that be healthy?
57
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Johnny, look me in the eye.
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Snap the fuck out of it!
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You want us to die?
60
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Well, what do you
want me to do?
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Our regular guy's outta town.
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- Hey, what about Chris Bleth?
- Who's that?
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Uh, he's this weird kid
at our school
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who has a pet snake
and always looks wet.
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Oh, yeah,
you know, he gets high.
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Wait, no, I cannot buy pot
from a 17-year-old.
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- Nah, it's okay. He's 23.
- Jesus.
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Yeah, he still
lives with his parents.
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I always see them in the
upstairs window of the house,
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but they never seem to move.
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His mom's holding
a yellow newspaper.
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Hi, Gus.
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Hi, Mrs. Bennett.
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Got your mail here.
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Thank you so much.
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How's your wife's new eyeball?
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Uh, it's been rough.
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Uh, it gets turned around
now and then,
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so I have to shake her
for about seven minutes.
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But the doctor says
it's just our life
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for the next few months.
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Please send her my love.
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I will. Thanks so much.
84
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- Here's your paper, Matty.
- Jesus, Susan.
85
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Why, why you gotta jam yourself
into everybody's business, huh?
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The-the guy's gotta
shake his wife
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like a Magic 8 Ball.
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He doesn't wanna talk about it.
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I was showing him that I care.
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People like it when you
take an interest in their lives.
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It makes 'em feel special.
92
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Will you look at this?
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Three kids were arrested
for vandalizing the church.
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Oh, my God, they were?
Yeah.
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Says they were high on drugs
and broke in
96
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and dragged their dicks
across the organ keys.
97
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- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
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Went on for a half hour
99
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before Father O'Dell
finally stopped 'em.
100
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Oh, Matty, look.
101
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It says all the boys
attend John Hancock High.
102
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That's John's school!
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Bunch of delinquents.
104
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And there's a quote
from Father O'Dell.
105
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"This is just the
latest example of the fallout
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"from a decline
in family values.
107
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:09,379
"When parents are involved
in their children's lives,
108
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"this sort of thing
doesn't happen."
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Oh, Matty,
what if that were John?
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It wasn't. Relax.
111
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Well, maybe we need to
get more involved in his life.
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Finally.
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I'd just never forgive myself
if Johnny turned out
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like those church boys
on the drugs.
115
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And there's
the rest of it.
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Fuckin' gas station
made the worst tuna sandwich
117
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I've ever had in my life.
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That was two weeks ago.
119
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Yeah, it's been stuck
behind a Denny's breakfast.
120
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Matty...
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how about we spend some
quality time together tonight?
122
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Please?
123
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Fine. Whatever.
124
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Oh! Thank you, Matty.
125
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Goddamn Beetle Bailey
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fuckin' around
on my tax dollars.
127
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,828
Hi. Can I help you?
128
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:10,919
Hi. Yeah, we're, um...
uh, Chris' friends from school.
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Oh, yes, of course.
You can go on in.
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The boys are playing.
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Bash his head in!
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Chop off the legs first!
Kill him!
133
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Die, you
ugly piece of shit!
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Chop his
fucking head off!
135
00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:25,586
Dude, you stabbed him!
136
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Shit, I'm dying!
137
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Who is it?
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Fucking goddamn it!
139
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The Owlbear dodges your mace,
140
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slashing you nose to navel.
141
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You take 12 points of damage
142
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as the Owlbear
laps up your blood.
143
00:05:41,732 --> 00:05:44,561
You are seriously gonna kill me
right before we find the temple?
144
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,216
Fuck you in the ass, Chris!
That's not appropriate!
145
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Yeah, Chris. What the hell?
146
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,653
We can't play without Brent.
147
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:51,655
Hey. The rules are the rules.
148
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:52,830
You don't like my game,
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you can leave any time.
150
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,964
You know what? Fuck this then!
151
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:57,879
I want my velvet dice bag back.
152
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,272
You've been a real asshole
ever since you kissed a girl.
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00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,840
Fuck you, and the half-horse,
half-dragon you rode in on.
154
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:03,927
Come on, guys.
155
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,887
Okay, bye. Okay, bye-bye.
156
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,410
Get outta here.
157
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:08,629
Now I don't have
to work your missing father
158
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:09,586
into the storyline.
159
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:10,717
This is bullshit.
160
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:11,893
Let's get outta here.
161
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,765
Uh, hey.
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00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,724
John Bennett.
The hell are you doing here?
163
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,596
Well, uh, my family and I
were hoping that
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you had some marijuana
we could purchase.
165
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Now's not a good time, okay?
166
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I just wasted a masterpiece
of a D&D campaign
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00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:28,736
on a bunch of ungrateful shits!
168
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,826
Oh, I'm, uh,
I'm so sorry to hear that.
169
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,392
Uh, we'll make this quick, then.
170
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,612
I am too mad
to sell weed right now, okay?
171
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I need to lie down in the dark
and look at my glow stars.
172
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You're, uh, you're upset
about your masterpiece.
173
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- That right?
- Fuckin' A right!
174
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,665
Well, maybe we could
help you out.
175
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What do you mean?
176
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:49,539
Well, maybe we can play a game
177
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:51,933
and we could get some pot
while we're at it.
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00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,064
I don't wanna start
this adventure over
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with a brand-new fucking group.
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00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,373
Sorry.
- Come on.
181
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,027
Don't you wanna
make those assholes jealous?
182
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:00,376
Yeah, think about
the look on their faces
183
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,596
when you're doing this
with new guys.
184
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:04,946
Fuck was that?
185
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:06,643
What do you mean?
I was rolling dice.
186
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,210
No, you weren't.
That's not what that was.
187
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,691
- Yes, it was.
- You were biting your lower lip.
188
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Yeah, 'cause I'm so excited
about the game.
189
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,346
And why'd you
throw it on his face?
190
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,131
Have you guys
ever even played D&D before?
191
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,350
Uh, no, but we learn fast.
192
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:19,482
Wait a minute, you guys.
193
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,918
Is this even fuckin' worth it?
194
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,659
I don't know shit
about this weird game.
195
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,835
Is D&D the one
with hungry hippos?
196
00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:26,446
- Wait, what am I thinking of?
- Forget it.
197
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,099
You would make a mockery
of the art form.
198
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:30,188
Well, well, now hang on
a second, just hang on.
199
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,799
How about
we make it interesting?
200
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:35,237
If we can beat your game,
you give us the weed.
201
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:40,329
Best the quest,
earn the herb.
202
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,418
You just said that
like you think it rhymes.
203
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:43,593
You don't think
that rhymes, do you?
204
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,029
Just think about it.
205
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:48,032
A D&D game
with real-world stakes.
206
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,208
Imagine how alive you'll feel.
207
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,472
All right. We'll do it.
208
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,037
But we have
to play at your place.
209
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,649
My son wakes up
early in the morning for school.
210
00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:03,570
Because this is
your first time playing,
211
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,659
I've gone ahead and premade
your character sheets
212
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:07,399
so we can jump
right into the game.
213
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:09,010
It says I'm a mage.
What's that?
214
00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:10,315
It's like a wizard.
215
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,665
Do I get weekends off?
216
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,231
That's your first question?
217
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,884
Hey, I'm starting a new job.
218
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,626
I think it's reasonable
to know what the hours are.
219
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:18,715
Bard? What's a bard?
220
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,501
It's a balladeer.
A singer of songs.
221
00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:22,676
Oh, great. That's useful.
222
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,067
"Oh, shit. It's a dragon."
223
00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,113
"Don't worry.
Here's 'Material Girl.'"
224
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,245
Blaire, what are you?
225
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:30,987
I'm a thief. So I steal shit?
226
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,120
Yeah, like in The Hobbit.
227
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:33,730
Oh, like Dildo Baggins.
228
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,862
- What?
- Dildo Baggins, The Hobbit.
229
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:36,646
Bilbo.
230
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,518
- It is?
- Yes.
231
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:39,997
His name was Dildo Bilbo?
232
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,999
Hi, kids.
233
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,044
What you doing?
234
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,653
Oh, hey. Hey, Mom.
235
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,787
We're just, uh,
we're just playing a game.
236
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,354
This is our friend Chris.
- Hi, Chris.
237
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,488
Johnny, did you warn him
about the toilet down here?
238
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:53,836
What about the toilet?
239
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,230
Chris, if you're gonna
use the toilet,
240
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,362
there are five things
you need to know.
241
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,582
We're, uh, we're actually in
the middle of a game here, Ma.
242
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,890
I know.
It looks like so much fun.
243
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,587
Can your father and I play?
244
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,676
- Yeah... It's not their thing.
- It's not...
245
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,939
- Great. See ya.
- Oh, no. Matty. Wait, wait.
246
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:12,160
Johnny, we just wanna
spend some time with you.
247
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,597
Take an interest
in your interests.
248
00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:15,729
You know,
this adventure actually is
249
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,731
balanced for five heroes.
250
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:20,124
I have extra character sheets
if they wanna play.
251
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,735
Oh!
252
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,693
Uh... Sure.
253
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:26,827
Yeah, sure.
- Oh! Wonderful.
254
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:28,872
Now, do I need
to put any makeup on?
255
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:29,872
Am I okay?
256
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,135
You're... you're fine.
257
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,485
Mr. Bennett,
you'll be playing our cleric.
258
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,531
Mrs. Bennett,
you'll be playing our fighter.
259
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:39,578
Oh! I like that.
Like Nancy Crawford.
260
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,885
- What?
- Our neighbor.
261
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:44,105
She had cancer.
262
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,890
She was a fighter. For a while.
263
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,371
Wasn't enough, though.
264
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,026
God gave up on her,
the poor thing.
265
00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:54,985
I can't remember
what kind of cancer she had.
266
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:58,206
I do remember she lost
a big piece of her tongue.
267
00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,773
Can the cleric be deaf?
268
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,251
All the information
269
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,340
about who you'll be
playing in the game
270
00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:03,603
is recorded
on your character sheet.
271
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,038
I've assigned you your class,
272
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,910
but you can go ahead
and pick your race.
273
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,652
- White.
- What?
274
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,133
- You said I can pick a race.
- Oh. No.
275
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,048
Can I pick white
instead of one of the races?
276
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,876
No. By race, we mean elf,
277
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,704
half-elf, dwarf.
278
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:19,009
Why don't we just
start the game now?
279
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,664
Cancer. It's not a good one.
280
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:26,016
Our adventure begins
in a weathered old tavern
281
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:29,933
at the edge
of a mysterious forest.
282
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,989
I already fuckin' hate this.
283
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,086
You're a band
of traveling adventurers,
284
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:55,132
and you've heard tales
of a great hidden temple
285
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,656
filled with gold.
286
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,180
It was guarded
by the Iridor cult
287
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,965
until they all disappeared.
288
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,402
Rumor has it
a cultist who defected
289
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:08,015
now frequents this tavern
and has a map to the temple.
290
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,365
All right. Where do we start?
291
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:11,974
The sooner we find this map,
292
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,021
the sooner we get the,
uh... treasure.
293
00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:16,023
Well, maybe the bartender
knows something.
294
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,202
Yeah, I'll have a Sam Adams.
295
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:23,160
Ooh, I am sorry, good cleric,
296
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:25,249
but here we only serve mead.
297
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:26,816
What are you, an asshole?
298
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:28,339
I'll have a pint of mead.
299
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,994
He will absolutely
not have alcohol.
300
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,692
He can have a Dr Pepper.
301
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,085
Dr Pepper?
302
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,696
These are strange words.
303
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,523
Christ, it's that
Mexican restaurant
304
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,524
all over again.
305
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,917
Guys. Look.
306
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,749
I bet that's our cultist.
307
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:53,364
Hey, Star Wars,
can we talk to you for a second?
308
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,150
man [in an eerie voice]: Speak.
309
00:11:56,367 --> 00:12:00,632
Ohh. Poor man.
I'll bet he's anorexic.
310
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:04,201
You know, your body's beautiful
just the way it is.
311
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,986
Jesus Christ, here we go.
312
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,857
Are you the guy with the map?
313
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,860
Steven Tyler!
314
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,688
Shh. Let him talk.
315
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,170
I was one of
the Iridor followers.
316
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,607
In our attempt
to purify this world,
317
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,609
we gathered in the temple
318
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:24,482
and awakened
a great, otherworldly force.
319
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:28,312
But it was
too powerful, too evil.
320
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:31,488
And now it could
destroy our entire realm.
321
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,013
Can I just hear you sing,
322
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,667
"And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world"?
323
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,627
Do you have a map
to this evil temple?
324
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,977
I vowed never to return.
325
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,893
So you may have my map.
326
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,289
Thank you.
327
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,900
I think this is a gay bar.
328
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,119
I mean, I don't care, but it is.
329
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,685
Do they have bathrooms here?
330
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,779
I'll just hold it.
331
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,446
Looks like
we continue this way
332
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:19,537
for a bit through Warlock Woods.
333
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,104
Hey, you think
we'll see a centaur?
334
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:22,757
Maybe.
335
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:25,500
Hey, is there such a thing
as a reverse centaur?
336
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,371
Like, just a naked guy
with a horse's head
337
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:28,329
just walking around?
338
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:29,939
Oh, yeah.
339
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,635
Just like a naked dude body
340
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,421
with a dick flopping around
with a big horse head.
341
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,292
- Yeah, like, the worst of both.
- Yeah.
342
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,207
Just showing up,
making everybody uncomfortable.
343
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:38,556
Yeah. It's like, go home, dude.
344
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,384
Go home. Nobody wants you here.
345
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:42,691
Yeah. No one wants to see
a horse head and your man dick.
346
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,039
Just walking down the street,
347
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,607
dropping the occasional
pile of shit.
348
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,914
Yeah, it's like, dude,
this is a public fuckin' park.
349
00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:49,916
Get the fuck outta here
with your weird fuckin' setup.
350
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,568
Yeah, there are
families here, man.
351
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,267
There's a kid's birthday party
right over there.
352
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:54,268
Get outta here.
353
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:55,530
Fuck, I'm mad now.
354
00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:57,227
Fuckin' reverse centaur.
355
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,273
Isn't that what Gary Busey is?
356
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:03,190
Greetings, adventurers.
357
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,322
Come peruse my wares.
358
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,455
Look, a gnomish merchant.
359
00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:11,459
I have healing potions,
sleeping potions, short swords,
360
00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:12,852
two-handed swords.
361
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,766
Jesus, look at this stuff.
362
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,856
O.J. would have
a field day out here.
363
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,379
And what about you, thief?
364
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,207
How about a brand-new dagger?
365
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:23,036
But beware,
I have magical wards
366
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:25,429
to punish those who shoplift.
367
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,214
Well, you know,
usually when someone steals,
368
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,390
it's a result of a much larger
social imbalance.
369
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,130
For fuck's sake, Blaire,
370
00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:32,393
can we just get to the end
of this and get the weed?
371
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,264
You got any sunscreen
for my fuckin' head?
372
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:38,442
It says you sell
weapons, potions, and more.
373
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:39,835
What's the more?
374
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,445
Well, I have bags of holding.
375
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:44,884
Amulets and trinkets
and an immovable rod.
376
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,668
What's an immovable rod?
377
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,540
It's a rod that's fixed
in place and cannot be moved.
378
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,194
Well, then how'd
you get it here?
379
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:52,456
Can we just kill this guy?
380
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:54,197
I'm Susan, by the way.
381
00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:56,243
Susan the Destroyer.
382
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,288
Do you enjoy being in sales?
383
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,725
Jesus Christ,
every fuckin' time!
384
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,161
Guys, we gotta keep moving.
385
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,641
So just buy what you need
and let's go.
386
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:08,037
Okay, I'll take a,
a flint, a torch,
387
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:09,996
and a hundred yards of rope.
388
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,736
Oh, and, uh...
389
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,260
a tampon.
390
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,523
This is a strange word.
391
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,655
A rod of absorbency.
392
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:28,927
This is it.
393
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,146
The Iridor temple.
394
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,764
You no get by me.
395
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,156
Oh, great grammar.
396
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:45,379
This my territory.
You leave or die!
397
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:48,295
Well, Mom, you're the fighter.
Go kick his ass.
398
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,688
Okay.
399
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,691
Well, I can certainly try.
400
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,478
Boop.
401
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,306
Right on your nose.
402
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,267
What do you think
we should do, Dad?
403
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:06,704
Dad?
404
00:16:07,749 --> 00:16:08,706
Dad?
405
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:11,927
- Huh?
- Matty, will you please
406
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,189
pay attention?
407
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:15,191
I played Russian roulette
in 'Nam.
408
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,150
Sorry if this game
ain't holding my attention.
409
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,369
The ogre is getting angrier.
410
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,328
Time is running out,
411
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:24,331
but there may yet be a way
to slip past him.
412
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:25,941
Teddy, play something
on your lute.
413
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:26,986
Maybe you can charm him.
414
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,422
Ah. Okay.
415
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:29,857
Well, Mr. Ogre,
416
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:31,773
I would like to sing
a ballad for you.
417
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,429
This is the tale
of the movie Philadelphia.
418
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,300
♪ There once was a lawyer ♪
419
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,867
♪ Named Andrew Beckett ♪
420
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:41,609
♪ Who worked ♪
♪ With great proficiency ♪
421
00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,436
♪ But none of ♪
♪ His coworkers knew ♪
422
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,613
♪ About his ♪
♪ Autoimmune deficiency ♪
423
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,963
♪ Despite the many ♪
♪ Legal cases ♪
424
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,965
♪ He'd achieved prestige in ♪
425
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,574
♪ One day at the firm ♪
426
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,750
♪ A coworker ♪
♪ Looked at his face ♪
427
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:55,884
♪ And saw a lesion ♪
428
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:59,148
♪ His boss found out ♪
♪ That he had AIDS ♪
429
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,149
♪ And so they ♪
♪ Gave him the hatchet ♪
430
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,065
♪ He found a Black lawyer ♪
♪ And asked for help ♪
431
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,328
♪ But the guy said ♪
♪ "I don't wanna catch it" ♪
432
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:07,243
♪ Then a library worker ♪
♪ Kicked him out ♪
433
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,202
♪ It was 'cause of the AIDS ♪
♪ He just knew it ♪
434
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,290
♪ The Black lawyer said ♪
♪ "Holy shit" ♪
435
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,554
♪ "You get treated like us ♪
♪ I'll fuckin' do it" ♪
436
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:14,772
Ted, you're good. We got it.
437
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,122
Ah.
438
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:25,305
Jesus, I can't see shit.
439
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,002
Does anyone
have a flashlight?
440
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:28,350
Oh, Susan, your torch.
441
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,614
Oh! All right.
442
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,096
Fuck you!
443
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:35,402
Fuck you! Fuck you!
444
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:37,534
Come on. This way.
445
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,152
Ew, I think
that's an orc turd.
446
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:13,309
Wow!
447
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,963
Look at this place!
448
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,662
I feel like
I'm at an art museum.
449
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:28,019
To pass,
we desire four of a kind.
450
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,412
Ah, fuck.
451
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:30,805
Are we gonna
have to tip these guys?
452
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:34,504
A simple task and easy to find.
453
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,419
Yeah, you're about to find out
about the immovable wallet.
454
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,640
What howls without lips.
455
00:18:39,857 --> 00:18:41,511
What runs without feet.
456
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,383
What is always below.
457
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,602
And what always must eat.
458
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,039
I just heard that
and I don't remember any of it.
459
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,912
Guess we gotta solve the riddle
to keep going.
460
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,743
Oh, shit.
461
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,614
Oh, that's
fuckin' great, Blaire!
462
00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:58,788
Okay, okay. Nobody panic.
463
00:18:58,789 --> 00:18:59,921
We just gotta solve the riddle.
464
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,141
Something that howls
without lips.
465
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:03,751
Something
that runs without feet.
466
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,055
Uh, runs without feet.
467
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:06,536
Uh, a guy
in the Special Olympics.
468
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,582
A-a diabetic
chasing an ice cream truck.
469
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,323
Something that always must eat.
470
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:11,585
Uh, welfare queens!
471
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:13,281
Shut up and let me think.
472
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:15,371
Okay, we know it has
to be a group of four, right?
473
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:17,460
- Boyz II Men.
- Oh, nice.
474
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:18,679
Right?
Wait a minute.
475
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,027
If there's four of 'em,
476
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,071
shouldn't they be called
Boyz IV Men?
477
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,422
Yeah, I don't think
that'd work.
478
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:23,684
There's four of 'em.
Boyz IV Men.
479
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,250
It'd work even better.
480
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,340
Yeah, just maybe
not with the right crowd.
481
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:29,603
Wait a minute!
Uh, it's the elements.
482
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,170
Water, wind, earth, fire.
483
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,346
Holy shit.
Blaire, you're right.
484
00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:35,521
Uh... Fireball.
485
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,660
Okay, I got earth.
486
00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:53,888
Does anyone have any water?
487
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,541
Oh, uh, uh, it says on my paper
488
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,587
I have a pouch of holy water.
489
00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:58,936
Oh, wait.
490
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,460
That's what the fuck this is.
491
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:01,808
Christ, I've been pissing in it.
492
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:04,594
Wait, Dad.
Piss is mostly water.
493
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:06,509
Not mine. It's a lot of pulp.
494
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,641
Oh, for fuck's sake,
just try it!
495
00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,521
Don't fuckin' smile at me,
you weirdo.
496
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:20,828
Okay, now we just need wind.
497
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,265
Oh. Teddy, you can
blow on its hands.
498
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:24,961
You're a bard.
You got breath support.
499
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,748
Fuckin' Christ,
I'm blowin' people for weed.
500
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,240
Ah!
501
00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,113
Susan and Matty: Oh!
502
00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:02,173
You know what's sad?
503
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:04,959
This is the only vacation
we've ever taken as a family.
504
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:08,136
Guys, is this really
all fuckin' worth it?
505
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:11,008
I mean, do we really
need the weed that badly?
506
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:12,357
Are you shitting me?
507
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,272
You wanna listen
to Eddie Vedder's voice
508
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:14,751
on a weedless brain?
509
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:16,623
Oh, God,
I didn't think of that.
510
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,799
I watched Road House
without weed one time, Johnny.
511
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:20,279
It was fuckin' terrible.
512
00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:22,977
Patrick Swayze has sex
in the same pond
513
00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:24,631
he just killed a guy in,
like, a week ago.
514
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:25,806
Stop it, dude.
515
00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:27,895
John, nothing we like is good.
516
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:37,948
Oh. Look,
it's one of the cultists.
517
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:39,907
Um, excuse me?
518
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:41,996
Hi.
519
00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:43,563
Are you...
520
00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:46,522
Are you here to save us?
521
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,175
Not a...
522
00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:50,309
not a lot of Black people
in Chris' world, huh?
523
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:51,962
You're just in time.
524
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:55,531
The infamous,
all-powerful Dral'hul
525
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:59,100
will soon end existence
as we know it.
526
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,884
Yeah, Dral'hul doesn't mean
527
00:22:01,102 --> 00:22:02,799
as much as you think
he does outside of here.
528
00:22:03,017 --> 00:22:04,888
Like, we're just
hearing about him.
529
00:22:05,106 --> 00:22:08,327
He is a fearsome being
from the nether-realm.
530
00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:12,592
I am the only one left
keeping him at bay.
531
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:14,115
Well, how do we kill him?
532
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,770
The beast is nearly invincible.
533
00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:19,816
However, there is one way
534
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:22,384
to cast him back to his realm.
535
00:22:22,602 --> 00:22:23,516
You must--
536
00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:26,345
What the fuck, Dad?
537
00:22:26,562 --> 00:22:28,956
What? I fuckin'
sped things along!
538
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:30,784
He was about to give us
the information we needed.
539
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:32,699
Like, game-winning information.
540
00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:35,789
We were so close
and you ruined everything!
541
00:22:36,006 --> 00:22:37,399
Why are you guys even here?
542
00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:40,663
- We were trying to protect you.
- What?
543
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:43,579
We wanted to get
more involved in your life
544
00:22:43,797 --> 00:22:45,929
to make sure that you
weren't getting into trouble.
545
00:22:46,147 --> 00:22:47,366
Ma, what trouble?
546
00:22:47,540 --> 00:22:48,976
I just don't know what I'd do
547
00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:51,239
if you turned out like
one of those boys in church.
548
00:22:52,109 --> 00:22:53,372
What boys?
549
00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:56,157
There were three boys
in the paper,
550
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,680
and they did drugs,
551
00:22:57,898 --> 00:22:59,203
and they got arrested.
552
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:00,814
And Father O'Dell says
553
00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:03,730
it's because
of no family values.
554
00:23:03,947 --> 00:23:05,253
We don't want you
to get humped up
555
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,690
on the doobage, Johnny.
556
00:23:07,908 --> 00:23:10,301
We just wanna be
a bigger part of your life.
557
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:13,566
Wait, you're down here
helping us win this game
558
00:23:13,783 --> 00:23:15,132
to keep John off drugs?
559
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:16,482
Yeah.
560
00:23:16,699 --> 00:23:18,353
Anyone wanna weigh in here?
561
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:21,748
Mom, thank you
562
00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:23,663
for trying to keep me off drugs.
563
00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:25,491
I love you.
564
00:23:26,622 --> 00:23:28,929
Now, what do you guys say
we win this game?
565
00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:32,019
Dral'hul bursts
into the chamber
566
00:23:32,236 --> 00:23:33,803
with an eruption of flame!
567
00:23:42,159 --> 00:23:45,424
Great. It's the demon
we have no idea how to kill...
568
00:23:45,598 --> 00:23:48,078
because Matty refuses
to go to anger management.
569
00:23:48,296 --> 00:23:49,689
- Fuck your mother.
- Wait a minute.
570
00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:51,255
Maybe we can still do this.
571
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:55,521
Uh, I cast magic missile.
572
00:23:55,738 --> 00:23:58,001
Three points of damage.
- Okay.
573
00:23:58,219 --> 00:24:00,830
Three points of damage
from your arcane blast.
574
00:24:01,048 --> 00:24:04,443
Dral'hul whips around,
breathing a cone of black flame,
575
00:24:04,617 --> 00:24:06,923
dealing 38 points of damage.
576
00:24:07,141 --> 00:24:07,750
You are dead.
577
00:24:07,968 --> 00:24:10,448
Johnny! No!
578
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:11,841
Matty, do something!
579
00:24:12,059 --> 00:24:13,146
Jesus, Susan!
580
00:24:13,147 --> 00:24:15,105
That was right
in my fuckin' ear.
581
00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:18,457
All right, uh,
can, can I heal him?
582
00:24:18,631 --> 00:24:20,197
I mean, that-that's
my whole deal, right?
583
00:24:20,415 --> 00:24:21,416
There's nothing left to heal.
584
00:24:21,590 --> 00:24:22,809
Then I, then I,
585
00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:24,767
I, I charge the demon
586
00:24:24,985 --> 00:24:26,639
and I bash in his head
like the last guy.
587
00:24:28,162 --> 00:24:30,164
Okay, before you
can reach him...
588
00:24:30,381 --> 00:24:32,079
Yeah, he whips around
with his barbed tail,
589
00:24:32,296 --> 00:24:33,253
piercing your chest.
590
00:24:33,254 --> 00:24:35,952
Dealing you 32 points of damage.
591
00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:37,954
- You're dead.
- Fuckin' finally.
592
00:24:38,172 --> 00:24:40,609
Wait. As a thief, it says
on my character sheet
593
00:24:40,827 --> 00:24:43,046
that I carry
a potion of darkness.
594
00:24:43,264 --> 00:24:44,004
You do.
595
00:24:44,221 --> 00:24:45,919
Okay, I use that...
596
00:24:48,704 --> 00:24:51,577
...and sneak up on Dral'hul
when the torches go out.
597
00:24:51,794 --> 00:24:53,796
Aha. Backstab.
598
00:24:54,014 --> 00:24:54,928
Page 40
of the player's handbook.
599
00:24:55,145 --> 00:24:57,147
Very clever.
600
00:24:57,365 --> 00:24:58,191
Unfortunately,
Dral'hul does have darkvision,
601
00:24:58,192 --> 00:24:59,715
so he can easily see you.
602
00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:02,588
He's going to unhinge his jaw.
He bites your head off.
603
00:25:02,805 --> 00:25:03,937
You're dead.
- Shit.
604
00:25:04,154 --> 00:25:06,026
When she died,
did she poop herself?
605
00:25:06,243 --> 00:25:07,288
What the fuck?
606
00:25:07,984 --> 00:25:10,160
- Yes.
- You had to roll for that?
607
00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:12,032
- Yes.
- That's weird.
608
00:25:12,249 --> 00:25:14,642
Every time I go to the john,
I'm rolling the dice.
609
00:25:14,643 --> 00:25:18,995
Dral'hul moves steadily closer.
What do you do?
610
00:25:19,213 --> 00:25:21,650
- I attack you.
- What?
611
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:23,913
You heard me, I attack you.
612
00:25:24,131 --> 00:25:26,133
You can't.
The Dungeon Master is God.
613
00:25:26,350 --> 00:25:27,874
Fine, I attack God.
614
00:25:28,091 --> 00:25:29,963
That would be like
attacking a thousand Dral'huls.
615
00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:31,530
Only a madman would do that.
616
00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:32,879
♪ Pizza in the morning ♪
617
00:25:33,096 --> 00:25:34,054
♪ Pizza in the evening ♪
618
00:25:34,271 --> 00:25:35,708
♪ Pizza at suppertime ♪
619
00:25:38,319 --> 00:25:40,060
That's a critical hit.
620
00:25:40,277 --> 00:25:41,801
Uh...
621
00:25:42,018 --> 00:25:44,238
I take six points of damage.
622
00:25:44,455 --> 00:25:46,153
- I attack again.
- Well, just--
623
00:25:46,370 --> 00:25:47,241
I-I don't know if you, uh...
624
00:25:48,068 --> 00:25:49,112
Oh, my God, another nat 20.
625
00:25:49,330 --> 00:25:50,940
Uh...
626
00:25:51,158 --> 00:25:53,073
I take ten additional points
of damage.
627
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:54,944
- Come on, buddy. Fuck him up.
- Oh! You got this!
628
00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:58,644
I harness all my strength,
preparing a death blow.
629
00:26:00,297 --> 00:26:01,690
Is a one good?
630
00:26:01,908 --> 00:26:04,563
No, no, no, no, no.
631
00:26:07,478 --> 00:26:09,959
Well, there it goes.
We're all dead.
632
00:26:10,177 --> 00:26:12,092
Well, I'm alive.
633
00:26:13,093 --> 00:26:14,703
Hi.
634
00:26:15,182 --> 00:26:18,315
I'm Susan Bennett
from Framingham, Massachusetts.
635
00:26:18,533 --> 00:26:19,621
What's your name?
636
00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:23,190
I am Dral'hul from Hell.
637
00:26:23,451 --> 00:26:25,758
Oh! Do you know Barbara?
638
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:27,455
Mom, what are you doing?
You're a fighter.
639
00:26:27,629 --> 00:26:29,718
- Just fight him.
- She fuckin' always does this.
640
00:26:29,936 --> 00:26:32,199
Are you also
from the Boston area?
641
00:26:32,416 --> 00:26:35,071
I was birthed by flames
642
00:26:35,289 --> 00:26:38,118
and the wailing
of tormented souls.
643
00:26:38,335 --> 00:26:40,860
Oh. That's why
I had an epidural.
644
00:26:41,904 --> 00:26:44,037
Do you enjoy being a demon?
645
00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:47,562
It's okay.
646
00:26:47,736 --> 00:26:49,216
Must be hard having people
647
00:26:49,433 --> 00:26:51,610
afraid of you all the time.
648
00:26:53,133 --> 00:26:54,961
You... you know,
actually it is.
649
00:26:55,178 --> 00:26:56,397
Uh, thank you for acknowledging.
650
00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,399
What did you say
your name was? Susan?
651
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,270
Susan. Susan.
Dral'hul: Susan.
652
00:27:00,488 --> 00:27:02,359
Susan, you are
a breath of fresh air.
653
00:27:02,577 --> 00:27:04,405
Oh. Stop.
654
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:06,494
You know, sometimes
I think people come to me
655
00:27:06,668 --> 00:27:09,628
only for my power
or my treasure.
656
00:27:09,845 --> 00:27:12,369
No one ever just comes by
just to say hi.
657
00:27:12,587 --> 00:27:13,806
See how I'm doing.
658
00:27:14,023 --> 00:27:15,634
That must really hurt.
659
00:27:15,808 --> 00:27:17,418
You know, it does.
660
00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:20,247
Is that why you wanna
destroy the world?
661
00:27:20,813 --> 00:27:23,554
Turns out the real demon
is loneliness.
662
00:27:23,729 --> 00:27:25,992
Maybe you need
to meet some new people
663
00:27:26,209 --> 00:27:27,863
or take up a hobby.
664
00:27:28,081 --> 00:27:30,953
There's a spot open
in my watercolor group.
665
00:27:31,301 --> 00:27:33,042
- Really?
- Oh, wait. No, there isn't.
666
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:35,044
Oh.
I forgot.
667
00:27:35,262 --> 00:27:38,091
Carol apologized to Janine,
and now she's back in class.
668
00:27:38,308 --> 00:27:39,353
What did Carol do?
669
00:27:39,570 --> 00:27:41,529
She drew a portrait of Janine,
670
00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,662
and she didn't leave out
her mustache.
671
00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:44,967
No!
672
00:27:45,185 --> 00:27:46,273
She added in
the mustache.
673
00:27:46,490 --> 00:27:47,883
And they call me a demon.
674
00:27:48,101 --> 00:27:49,189
I know, right?
675
00:27:52,148 --> 00:27:53,149
Oh!
I know!
676
00:27:53,367 --> 00:27:55,717
Oh, oh.
677
00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,505
I needed that.
I needed that laugh.
678
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:04,552
This is why I love
meeting new people.
679
00:28:05,988 --> 00:28:10,384
And, moved by
the fighter's compassion,
680
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,866
Dral'hul dissipates
into his infernal realm,
681
00:28:14,083 --> 00:28:17,086
leaving behind
the temple full of treasure.
682
00:28:17,347 --> 00:28:18,914
The world is safe.
683
00:28:19,132 --> 00:28:20,350
The quest is done.
684
00:28:22,091 --> 00:28:23,439
- Whoo!
- My God, Mom.
685
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,181
You have no idea
how much we love you right now.
686
00:28:25,399 --> 00:28:26,530
So proud of you, Aunt Suse.
687
00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:28,184
You're a fuckin' genius.
688
00:28:28,402 --> 00:28:30,186
Well, now I see
you and your friends
689
00:28:30,404 --> 00:28:34,234
are having adventures together
without the drugs.
690
00:28:34,451 --> 00:28:36,192
Oh, Matty, these are good kids.
691
00:28:36,410 --> 00:28:38,455
Oh, yeah.
We won the lottery, Susan.
692
00:28:38,673 --> 00:28:41,502
And don't you worry, Ma,
we are never gonna use drugs.
693
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,156
Come on, let's go.
694
00:28:47,551 --> 00:28:49,597
Now, about those drugs...
695
00:29:00,608 --> 00:29:02,262
That was some adventure.
696
00:29:02,479 --> 00:29:03,872
Do you think the fact
that we went through
697
00:29:04,090 --> 00:29:06,222
that much trouble
just to get some weed,
698
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,094
is that, like, a sign
of a serious problem?
699
00:29:08,311 --> 00:29:11,358
No. It's a sign
of serious commitment.
700
00:29:11,575 --> 00:29:15,101
You think maybe somewhere,
somehow, in another dimension,
701
00:29:15,318 --> 00:29:18,147
the D&D world is real,
and we're the game?
702
00:29:18,365 --> 00:29:20,454
all: Whoa.
703
00:29:32,945 --> 00:29:36,035
Susan is going to love this.
704
00:29:36,252 --> 00:29:38,080
mom: Dral'hul!
- What?
705
00:29:38,298 --> 00:29:39,255
mom: Your demon friends
are here
706
00:29:39,473 --> 00:29:42,215
to play Stoners & Teddy Bears.
707
00:29:42,432 --> 00:29:43,869
Just tell them to fuck--
708
00:29:44,086 --> 00:29:46,523
Tell them to
come down then. God!
709
00:29:46,741 --> 00:29:48,177
mom: Language.
710
00:29:48,395 --> 00:29:50,049
Fuckin' hate you.
711
00:29:56,707 --> 00:30:00,886
♪ Oh, you've got a headful ♪
♪ Of someone dreadful ♪
712
00:30:01,103 --> 00:30:04,106
♪ And yet, alas ♪
♪ That someone adores you ♪
713
00:30:05,499 --> 00:30:09,329
♪ Everybody needs ♪
♪ A best friend ♪
714
00:30:09,546 --> 00:30:11,897
♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪
715
00:30:12,114 --> 00:30:15,117
♪ I'm just a clown ♪
716
00:30:15,509 --> 00:30:18,512
♪ And I'll bring you down ♪
717
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,688
♪ But you just don't care ♪
718
00:30:20,862 --> 00:30:24,170
♪ 'Cause your ♪
719
00:30:25,214 --> 00:30:27,260
♪ Best friend is me ♪