1 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:16,406 ♪ My words are lazy ♪ ♪ My thoughts are hazy ♪ 2 00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:19,714 ♪ But this is one thing ♪ ♪ I'm sure of ♪ 3 00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:23,326 ♪ Everybody needs ♪ ♪ A best friend ♪ 4 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:26,026 ♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪ 5 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:36,122 Man. I can't believe we're halfway through senior year. 6 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:39,082 Yeah, time flies when you're stoned fifteen hours a day. 7 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,345 Everyone sure has changed since we got here. 8 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,216 I mean, Clive's even got a beard now. 9 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:45,306 He looks like Chuck Norris quit karate 10 00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,786 and started calling himself Charles Norris. 11 00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,093 He looks like an admiral who defies the President's order 12 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,312 to nuke a Russian sub. 13 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,096 He looks like a man of letters 14 00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:57,100 who sexually satisfied Barbra Streisand in 1978. 15 00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:58,840 You know who hasn't changed at all? 16 00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,408 - Who? - Me. 17 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,280 I'm the same fucking loser I was the day I walked in here. 18 00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:04,499 You know, I'm gonna go to college 19 00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:05,717 having never had a girlfriend. 20 00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,067 How fucking lame is that? 21 00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,111 What about Bethany? 22 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:09,198 No, I'm talking about, 23 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,853 like, a real relationship. 24 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,116 Everyone in school's got it figured out, but not me. 25 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:14,944 I'm the last single guy left. 26 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,033 I mean, the jocks have the cheerleaders. 27 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,468 Andrew's got Polly. 28 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,123 Even all the gay kids have carpal tunnel 29 00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,515 from giving each other handjobs. 30 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:24,040 I can't believe Blue Cross covers that. 31 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,651 Hey, what about Erin? She's single. 32 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:29,176 And remember, Susan told us she's not a total bitch. 33 00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,134 God, she's so fucking hot. 34 00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,180 Never happen, though. She doesn't date dorks. 35 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:34,745 Hey, you never know. 36 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,792 Maybe she's sick of guys with lots of confidence, 37 00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,055 chiseled jaws, and huge dicks. 38 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,144 I'm too nervous to even masturbate to her. 39 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:43,407 I get self-conscious and I got performance anxiety. 40 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,192 Lately, I can only jerk off to people who are lesser than me. 41 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,151 - Who? - Lot of Tammy Faye Baker 42 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,413 and homeless women. 43 00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,023 Ah. 44 00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,202 Hey, what about NYU? 45 00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:58,161 Don't pick nothing too expensive. 46 00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,859 Don't worry, Matty. John's not getting into college. 47 00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,166 Hey, why not? I got a 2.6. 48 00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:04,907 Colleges don't just look at your grades. 49 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,430 They also consider your extracurricular activities. 50 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,911 You have zero. 51 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,478 Oh, my God. John, she’s right. 52 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:11,914 It says "Activities," 53 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,698 and then there's eight blank lines. 54 00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:16,136 Who the hell does eight lines worth of stuff? 55 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:17,702 Tim Allen. 56 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,487 People who actually go to college. 57 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:23,360 I mean, I did debate, newspaper, swimming, volleyball. 58 00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,493 But John can't do any of those things. 59 00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:27,234 He's just a boy. 60 00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:28,931 I could swim if there's an adult. 61 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,417 There's no way to bullshit ourselves, Susan. 62 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,461 We're in real financial trouble here. 63 00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:41,639 Well, you'll pull us through, Matty. You always do. 64 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,380 I don't know. Not this time. We're not gonna-- 65 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:44,599 We're not gonna stay above water, 66 00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:46,252 let alone pay for college 67 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,819 unless I find other work. 68 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,212 And you know whose fucking fault it is? 69 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,214 Oh, please don't say it's yours. 70 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:52,215 Course not. 71 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:53,216 It's fucking Clinton. 72 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,870 - Oh. - Yeah. Why-- 73 00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:56,131 Why's he telling everybody 74 00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,306 they should go to college anyhow? 75 00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:59,439 Like I want to blow twenty-five grand 76 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,918 so my son can turn gay? 77 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,834 It should be cheaper to do that. 78 00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,445 I always thought John could get a job 79 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,621 or-- or get drafted like I did, 80 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:07,970 but there aren't even any good wars. 81 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,233 This whole thing's my fault. 82 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,365 I've been spending like a society girl, 83 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:15,282 getting all my oil from Olay. 84 00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,109 I can find cheaper sources. 85 00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:19,111 No. Don't ever say that. 86 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,548 You deserve the best skincare 87 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,376 that Filene's Basement can offer. 88 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:25,379 I'll find a job to pull us through to spring. 89 00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,252 I saw a deer today. 90 00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,427 I don't want to get involved. 91 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,262 Jesus Christ. 92 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,264 This is what it takes to get into college? 93 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:42,570 These all look fucking awful. 94 00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:43,745 - Math club? - No. 95 00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:44,876 - Lacrosse? - No. 96 00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:45,789 - Soccer? - No. 97 00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:46,660 - Astronomy? - No. 98 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:47,444 Did the Holocaust happen? 99 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:48,662 No. Oh, wait! No! 100 00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:49,751 - Ah, too late. - No. No, man. 101 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,230 Fuck you. - Too late, too late. 102 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,275 You're a monster. I'm telling everybody. 103 00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,364 Fuck you. Oh, hey, look at this. 104 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:57,280 "Audition for Camelot. A Royal Delight!" 105 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,282 Huh. What do you think? 106 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,284 Well, if I try out, would you audition with me? 107 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,286 - Sure. - How hard could acting be? 108 00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:04,766 I mean, John Travolta does it. 109 00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,549 Skeet Ulrich makes a living at it. 110 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,291 There's no way Tom Arnold does something we can't do. 111 00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:09,771 Matt LeBlanc seems to get by. 112 00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,120 Someone's paying Kevin Costner. 113 00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:12,555 Christian Slater sticks around. 114 00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:13,731 There's always plenty of Charlie Sheen. 115 00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,690 Craig T Nelson owns a house from acting. 116 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,300 - I can act. - You can act. 117 00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,176 So, are you familiar with this location? 118 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,352 Yeah. My dad died in here. 119 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,657 Oh. Sweet. 120 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,791 So why do you think you're qualified to work 121 00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:32,315 in a fast-paced environment with real growth opportunities 122 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:33,794 like Dunkin' Donuts? 123 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,753 I eat donuts and I know what coffee is. 124 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:38,321 That's basically it. Welcome to the team. 125 00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,279 It's $4.25 an hour plus tips. 126 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,020 Do a lot of people give tips? 127 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:44,327 It's never happened once, but it might. 128 00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:45,807 I should get you a shirt. 129 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,070 Jesus Christ. I gotta wear pink? 130 00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:51,334 Everybody does. It's how the cops know who not to shoot 131 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,770 if anything goes down. 132 00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:56,252 Ah. We got a Marty. That's close enough. 133 00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:04,433 ♪ Tell me how am I supposed ♪ 134 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:08,611 ♪ To live without you? ♪ 135 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:14,226 ♪ Now that I've been ♪ ♪ Loving you so long ♪ 136 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:21,364 ♪ How am I supposed ♪ ♪ To live without you? ♪ 137 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,323 Okay. Okay. 138 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,021 Thank you, Kenneth. I think that's plenty. 139 00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,676 Thank you. Um, you can go. 140 00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:31,418 Oh. Well, are you leaning one way or the other 141 00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,898 in regards to my inclusion in the play? 142 00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:35,813 Cast list goes up on Monday. 143 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,467 Okay. Thank you. 144 00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:41,123 Poor Kenneth. He auditions for the play every year 145 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,558 and he never gets cast. 146 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,256 Yeah, I overheard Principal Bernard saying 147 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,215 they're worried about his long term self-esteem 148 00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:47,694 and they may have to shoot him. 149 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,261 Well, it's better than letting him suffer. 150 00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:50,131 Yeah. 151 00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:52,221 Hey, Johnny. Look. 152 00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,965 Holy shit, it's Erin. 153 00:05:57,966 --> 00:06:04,145 ♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪ 154 00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:07,367 ♪ The sweetness ♪ ♪ And the sorrow ♪ 155 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,064 Fuck, she sounds really great. 156 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,282 And she's pretty, so it means more. 157 00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:19,335 ♪ Wish me luck ♪ ♪ The same to you ♪ 158 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:26,037 ♪ Won't forget ♪ ♪ Can't regret what I did ♪ 159 00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:29,432 Hey, Teddy. If Erin and I were both in the play, 160 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,521 then I would get to spend every day with her. 161 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,049 Erin, that was lovely. Thank you. 162 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,747 Thank you. 163 00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:43,054 Okay. John Benet. 164 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,100 Oh, it's, um-- It's Bennett. 165 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,842 Of course. Sorry. I spent the summer in Paris. 166 00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,146 Come on up. 167 00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:50,453 All right, buddy, go fuck 'em up. 168 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:55,502 Okay. 169 00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:57,852 I will be performing 170 00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,462 the "Not without my daughter" scene 171 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,985 from Not Without My Daughter. 172 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,382 Not without my daughter! 173 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:08,558 Thank you. 174 00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,692 Okay. Thank you. 175 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,564 Next, uh, Ted. 176 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,353 Good job, man. That was powerful. 177 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,794 Hi. Uh, Ted Bennett. Two feet five inches. 178 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,578 I am locally based, SAG eligible, 179 00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:30,450 and I will not shave. 180 00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:33,975 Okay, I will be performing the theme from the Gummi Bears. 181 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:41,285 ♪ Dashing and daring ♪ ♪ Courageous and caring ♪ 182 00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:44,593 ♪ Faithful and friendly ♪ ♪ With stories to share ♪ 183 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,160 ♪ All through the forest ♪ 184 00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:47,988 ♪ They sing out in chorus ♪ 185 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:51,557 ♪ Marching along ♪ ♪ As their song fills the air ♪ 186 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,559 ♪ Gummi bears ♪ 187 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,475 ♪ Bouncing here and there ♪ ♪ And everywhere ♪ 188 00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:00,174 ♪ High adventure ♪ ♪ That's beyond compare ♪ 189 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:03,569 ♪ They are the Gummi bears ♪ 190 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,921 ♪ They are the Gummi bears! ♪ 191 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:08,139 Thank you very much. 192 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,189 I have a question. 193 00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,626 Have either one of you ever seen a play before? 194 00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:17,845 - No. - No, we have not. 195 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,547 Well, how much longer do you think it'll be? 196 00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,156 I don't know. He said 10 a.m. 197 00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:27,811 Well, maybe we just leave and come back later. 198 00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,552 Nah, this way, we can beat the crowd. 199 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:30,988 Ah. Johnny, look. 200 00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,777 Okay, let's check it out. 201 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:37,952 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 202 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:40,563 - What? - Football jocks. 203 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,523 Oh, shit. - What do we do? 204 00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,263 All right. All right, here's what we do. 205 00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,830 We walk by casually, 206 00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:48,571 and we check the list without stopping. 207 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:49,790 Okay. Good plan. 208 00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:51,095 Here we go. 209 00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,320 Guard number one! 210 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,755 Guard number two! 211 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,758 - Hey! They’re in the play! - Get 'em! 212 00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:03,586 Oh, shit! 213 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:04,587 Shit! 214 00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:07,850 Oh, my God! 215 00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,636 Oh, man, are they gonna get it. 216 00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:12,246 So can you understand why what you did was wrong? 217 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,031 I guess. I-- 218 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,163 I mean, I'm still struggling to understand 219 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,819 how our involvement in the play affects you. 220 00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:21,082 Well, it's just, when you're public about it, 221 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,258 and I see you doing something like checking the cast list, 222 00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,651 it puts me in a position where I have to act. 223 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:26,783 Where you have to come beat us up. 224 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,131 Exactly. 225 00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:29,525 To see students involved in the arts 226 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,614 is just really kind of a nonstarter for me. 227 00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,529 It makes me uncomfortable. - All of us. 228 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,053 We're all uncomfortable. 229 00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:37,620 And I just feel like school should be 230 00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,143 a non-threatening environment, 231 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:40,491 and we should feel safe. 232 00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,059 And our participation in the play 233 00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:43,626 makes you feel unsafe. 234 00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,671 Deeply. I mean, that's all I'm saying. 235 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:47,238 And I just don't think that's fair. 236 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:48,631 I guess when you put it that way. 237 00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:50,241 - We were wrong. - We were wrong. Yeah. 238 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,156 - I apologize. Yeah. - Yeah. Me, too. I-- I-- 239 00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,637 The last thing we want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable. 240 00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:56,900 Okay, well, thank you for understanding. 241 00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:58,597 Oh, no. God, don't mention it. 242 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,600 I’ve had this go so many different ways. 243 00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:01,949 I've had to beat up so many people 244 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,472 with so many diverse interests. 245 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:04,734 Oh, listen, we do not want to add 246 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,649 to your already full plate. Really. 247 00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,564 - I appreciate that. - We'll be more discreet. 248 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,044 Thank you. Really. 249 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,133 - Okay. You have a good day now. - You, too. 250 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,656 Thanks. And stay dry. 251 00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:15,136 Looks like we might get some drizzle. 252 00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:16,267 We will. Thanks so much. 253 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:21,142 This school is so fucking weird. 254 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:22,143 Sorry, I forgot. 255 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:32,980 Today we've been talking with some people 256 00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,895 who say they are all that, 257 00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:36,418 even though their friends disagree 258 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,985 and say that they're just crap. 259 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,378 Oh, my goodness. 260 00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:44,687 Look at this check, would you? 261 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,080 Huh, you fucking believe it? 262 00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:47,821 I worked 40 hours this week. 263 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:49,649 You know, this Dunkin' money 264 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,651 is only half of what we need to get by. 265 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,043 And we-- And we ain't taking any fucking handouts. 266 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:56,525 Maybe I could get a job, too. 267 00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:58,918 You? Who's gonna make dinner? 268 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,790 I'd still cook dinner. 269 00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:01,878 Who's gonna do the laundry? 270 00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:03,010 Well, I would. 271 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:05,186 - Who's gonna vacuum? - Me. 272 00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,360 Well, as long as we're still splitting 273 00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:07,970 everything equally, then sure. 274 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,539 Do they need any more help at the Dunkin' Donuts? 275 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,019 They still got the sign up. 276 00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:14,412 Well, maybe I could be your little helper. 277 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:17,980 You and me, side by side, 278 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:21,028 making the donuts and the coffee. 279 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,332 Be so romantic. 280 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,074 Yeah, great. Hey, do me a favor 281 00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:26,337 and boil a paperclip. I got a wart on my toe. 282 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:37,044 No, no, no, no. Lancelot, Guenevere, 283 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:38,697 you two are supposed to be in love, okay? 284 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,176 I'm not feeling any passion here. 285 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:43,050 Okay, sorry. She's giving me absolutely nothing. 286 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,704 Excuse me? I'm literally 287 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,662 pouring my guts out in this scene. 288 00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:48,664 Oh, that's what that smell was. 289 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,058 - Fuck you. - Okay. Okay, let's-- 290 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,321 Let's let's do some basic warm up exercises here. 291 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:54,670 We'll clear our heads. 292 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,891 Uh, Erin, I thought you were great. 293 00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,980 Oh, thanks. I feel so much better now. 294 00:12:00,197 --> 00:12:02,069 Hey, it's pretty cool that we get to work together 295 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,460 for the next few weeks, huh? 296 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,246 Let me nip this in the bud right now. 297 00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,117 Not interested in whatever it is 298 00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:08,771 that you're trying to get going here, 299 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,077 so just stay out of my way, 300 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,688 Guard number one or two or whatever. 301 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,385 He's number one. I'm number two. 302 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,518 Also, speaking of number two, 303 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,303 sorry again about that time I shit all over you in class. 304 00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:20,261 Fuck off, bear. 305 00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:22,089 Okay. Erin, Nathan. 306 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,744 Let's try a repetition exercise, okay? 307 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,006 We'll start with something simple. 308 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:28,095 Maybe "I like your shirt." 309 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,097 Say that back and forth to each other. 310 00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:32,099 See if you can generate any emotion. 311 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,102 I like your shirt. 312 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,104 - I like your shirt. - I like your shirt. 313 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,452 Thank you. It's Ralph Lauren. 314 00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,021 No. No, that's not how it's done. 315 00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:42,456 Look, someone else try. 316 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,414 John, Ted. Our two guards. You guys go. 317 00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:45,895 This ought to be good. 318 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,594 Uh, okay. 319 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,987 I like your shirt. 320 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,119 I like your shirt. 321 00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,423 I love your shirt. 322 00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:55,122 I fucking lied. I hate your shirt. 323 00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,558 You hate my shirt? Fuck you! 324 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,125 Fuck you and your fucking shirt! 325 00:12:58,342 --> 00:12:59,604 Don't talk about my shirt. 326 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,910 I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker! 327 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:02,345 I'll fucking kill you 328 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,739 and fuck your shirt, you piece of shit! 329 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,132 Fuck you! 330 00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:09,527 Aren't you gonna-- 331 00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:12,139 I'll use your shirt to choke you out like a bitch! 332 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,924 I’ll strangle you and your whole fucking family! 333 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,839 I’ll fucking use your baby son 334 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,146 as a club to beat your fucking mother! 335 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,409 I never knew my mother! 336 00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:26,153 You never knew your mother? 337 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:29,547 No. I never knew my mother. 338 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:32,986 Or any of my aunts. 339 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:36,554 Oh, Sydney, I'm so sorry! I had no idea. 340 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,992 His name was Sydney in the exercise. 341 00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,345 Now that, that is acting. 342 00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:45,911 I'm not even wearing a shirt. 343 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,303 Okay, everybody, let's take five. 344 00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:48,871 I gotta go over some notes with the stage crew. 345 00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,833 - Hey. - Hey. 346 00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:57,184 That was actually good. What you and Ted just did. 347 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:58,838 Thank you. 348 00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,404 How, um-- 349 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:01,709 How'd you do that? 350 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:04,104 Oh, well, I watch a lot of movies, 351 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,889 and I figured that all acting's basically just yelling, 352 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:08,411 whispering, or crying. 353 00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:10,371 So I just picked one of those three things 354 00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:11,676 before I said anything. 355 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,504 Huh. That actually might work. 356 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,464 Thanks, John. 357 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,512 What a fucking cunt, right? 358 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:24,254 Hey, should we start a massage train? 359 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:35,135 Okay. Susan, I'm gonna show you our employee orientation video. 360 00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:37,224 Oh, I'm so excited. 361 00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,270 I haven't seen a movie in seventeen years. 362 00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:41,489 All right. 363 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,238 Here's your fresh dozen. 364 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,849 Thanks for coming to Dunkin' Donuts. 365 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,548 Smells delicious. Thank you. 366 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:02,771 Hi. And welcome to the Dunkin' Donuts family. 367 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:06,427 At Dunkin' Donuts, the customer always comes first. 368 00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:09,299 There are Dunkin' dos and Dunkin' don'ts. 369 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,780 Let's look at a typical situation. 370 00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:16,263 Hello. I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts. 371 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,920 We're out of those Also, my shift just ended. 372 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,227 director: Go! 373 00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,276 I'm not sure that customer 374 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,321 will ever want to come back again. 375 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:35,282 Now let's look at the right way to handle the question. 376 00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:38,285 Hello. I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts. 377 00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,940 Good choice. You picked one of my favorites. 378 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,159 I'll get them boxed and ready right away. 379 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,509 Also, can I suck your cock for you? 380 00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:46,597 Oh, God damn it! 381 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:47,903 Sorry. Sorry. 382 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:50,210 That was clearly a Jeffrey prank. 383 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,080 He was fired last month. 384 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,343 But actually, everything before the cock thing was correct. 385 00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,999 So, look, just be nice to the customers 386 00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,827 and greet them with a smile. Can you do that? 387 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,960 Oh, I love smiling. 388 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:02,526 I'm always looking for new things 389 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:05,355 and people to smile at. - Jesus Christ. 390 00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:08,315 Matty, let's see your best customer smile. 391 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,797 Isn't this exciting? 392 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:17,324 You and me, side by side, bringing donuts to the people. 393 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,543 You should know, there's a guy with a hole in his cheek. 394 00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,242 Comes in every morning. Just puts the donut right in. 395 00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:23,330 It's horrible to watch. 396 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:26,376 Oh, my. 397 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:40,477 both : ♪ That we may love once more ♪ 398 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,352 And here we'll do the big kissies. 399 00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,136 But let's wait until the actual show. 400 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,571 We don't want to waste the chemistry. 401 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:49,747 Guard number one, what are you doing? 402 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:50,835 You're too far downstage. 403 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,273 Oh. Uh, right. 404 00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:56,363 Um, Guenevere is married to King Arthur, 405 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,190 so I figure as Guard number one, 406 00:16:58,191 --> 00:16:59,801 I'm probably not too happy about Lancelot hitting on her. 407 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,759 So I'm up here getting ready to... 408 00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:04,023 ...you know, defend the state or whatever. 409 00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:05,763 Yeah. No. Step back onto your mark. 410 00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,591 Wait. Actually, I like that. What he said. 411 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,463 At least somebody's treating me like royalty. 412 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,421 Honey, you think you're all that, 413 00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:12,769 but you're just crap. 414 00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,423 Hey, that's our fucking queen, pal. 415 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:17,036 Listen, I gotta rehearse some swordplay with Arthur. 416 00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,777 Okay, go. We'll move on to the Mordred scene. 417 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,043 You know, you're the only one in this play 418 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:25,653 who's actually giving me anything to work with. 419 00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:26,654 Really? 420 00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:28,350 Yeah, it's funny. 421 00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,657 Whenever I want to get into character, 422 00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,179 I just look at you, 423 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,486 because you're staring at me all wide eyed. 424 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:36,229 Oh. Uh, sorry if I'm being creepy. 425 00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:37,795 Believe it or not, it's helping. 426 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,841 Makes me feel like an actual queen. 427 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,235 Well, that, uh, that makes sense, then, 428 00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,585 because you are kind of like the queen of the school. 429 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:47,457 Do you want to run lines with me after rehearsal? 430 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,503 I have a few scenes I'm shaky on, 431 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,592 and Nathan's always trying on wigs. 432 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,245 Yeah. 433 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,856 Yeah, definitely. For sure. 434 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:55,943 Cool. 435 00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,772 I live to serve, milady. 436 00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,042 So Lancelot and Arthur are fucking. 437 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,088 I saw 'em wiping their dicks on the velvet curtain. 438 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:10,654 You want to go get burgers? 439 00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:18,880 Okay. Everybody, gather around. 440 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,316 I've got huge news. 441 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,144 Are the pumpkin munchkins coming back? 442 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,624 No, those were a complete disaster 443 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,147 and they got a lot of people fired. 444 00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,149 What is happening is President Clinton 445 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,151 is visiting Framingham next week... 446 00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:30,500 ...and he'll be stopping by 447 00:18:30,718 --> 00:18:31,980 this store. - What? 448 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:33,459 The news is gonna be here, too. 449 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,984 So, uh, Jurgis, if you could look American, 450 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:36,898 that'd be great, buddy. 451 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,947 Holy shit. 452 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,124 This-- This is gonna be the best fucking day of my life. 453 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,995 I thought you hated the President. 454 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,256 Don't you see, Susan? 455 00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,476 This-- This is gonna be my chance 456 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,478 to rip that fucking shithead a new asshole 457 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,305 with the whole world watching. 458 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:55,917 Remember when that happened to me when I had John? 459 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,659 This is a great fucking day for America! 460 00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,487 At least I got to ride in a helicopter. 461 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,489 All right, pal. What'll it be? 462 00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,491 Can I get a powdered donut and a tea? 463 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,797 I'm not making tea for a guy. 464 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,760 Come away with me, Guenevere. 465 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,501 Surely you know I can't. 466 00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:17,765 And because you can't, you shan't? 467 00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:20,942 I have taken an oath before God to be with Arthur. 468 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,685 Then shan't I ne'er you e'er? 469 00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:30,168 No. Farewell forever, my fair-- 470 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,562 my fair Lancelot. 471 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,522 - Wow! That was so good. - Really? 472 00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,132 Oh, my God. You guys were-- That was great. 473 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:39,221 That was like a Folgers commercial. 474 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,788 Cool. 475 00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:43,530 So are you excited about the show? 476 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:44,574 It's only a week away. 477 00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,184 Well, yeah, I guess, 478 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,621 but you're the one with the big starring role. 479 00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,536 Yeah, me and Johnny just got to stand there. 480 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:53,061 Our whole job is to just not poop for those two hours. 481 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,542 But, uh, what about you? 482 00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,544 I mean, I never pegged you as a theater girl. 483 00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,371 What with being a cheerleader and all. 484 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:02,810 Secret's out. I really want to be an actress. 485 00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:05,769 In fact, my dad is paying a video guy five hundred bucks 486 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,771 to tape the show for my Emerson application. 487 00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,598 No pressure, right? 488 00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:12,036 Wow. That-- That actually sounds like a lot of pressure. 489 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,822 I hope you don't blow it all with one small mistake. 490 00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:16,780 Well, hey, if you need to be reminded 491 00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,173 that you're a queen up there, 492 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,436 you just look at me. I got you. 493 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,046 Thanks, John. 494 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,874 John, I need to measure you for your armor. 495 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,007 Oh. Yeah, all right. 496 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,574 Hey, um, 497 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,576 do you want to hang out after the show? 498 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,188 We could celebrate or drown our sorrows, 499 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:34,581 depending on the reviews. 500 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:37,192 I-- I-- I think I might be free. 501 00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,107 He has no plans ever. He'll do it. 502 00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:41,370 Great. See you then. 503 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,114 Holy shit. John, you just got a date 504 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,681 with the hottest girl in school. 505 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,421 Yeah, I guess I did. 506 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:52,512 The humiliation of being a nobody is finally over. 507 00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:56,516 Hey, I need the smallest codpiece we have for John. 508 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:57,778 wardrobe assistant: What about the extra, extra, 509 00:20:57,995 --> 00:20:59,257 extra small ones? 510 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,608 No, those are still too big. 511 00:21:01,825 --> 00:21:04,263 Call the company and see if they can specially make 512 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,875 a smaller codpiece than they've ever made before. For John. 513 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:09,137 It's all right. No one even knows 514 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,572 which John he's talking about. 515 00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:13,707 For John Bennett of 48, Clifford Lane, 516 00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:16,623 who has an extremely small crotch measurement. 517 00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:20,670 I hate the crew. 518 00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:35,163 Matty, is everything okay? 519 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,382 Yeah, why? 520 00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:38,296 Because you're not screaming. 521 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:41,430 That's 'cause today is the day I finally stick it up the ass 522 00:21:41,648 --> 00:21:43,170 of your President, Slick Willie. 523 00:21:43,171 --> 00:21:45,826 You're-- You're-- You're gonna do anal to Bill Clinton? 524 00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:47,784 You're goddamn right I am. 525 00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:50,961 And I'm gonna say, "Hey, thanks for creating so many new jobs, 526 00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:52,833 because now I got two of 'em." - Cool. 527 00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:55,052 I saw the political cartoon you stole that from. 528 00:21:55,270 --> 00:21:56,793 Then-- Then I'm gonna tell him-- I'm gonna say, 529 00:21:57,011 --> 00:21:59,013 "See you on the unemployment line, asshole. 530 00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:00,797 Because now that we got NAFTA, 531 00:22:01,015 --> 00:22:03,800 we can hire a Mexican President for 60% off." 532 00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:05,802 Why would you be on the unemployment line? 533 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:07,282 You just said you have two jobs. 534 00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:08,414 That's only for the first joke. 535 00:22:08,631 --> 00:22:09,719 And then when he's walking off 536 00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:10,981 with his tail between his legs, 537 00:22:11,199 --> 00:22:12,374 I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna go, 538 00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:13,810 "Hey, what am I, the draft? 539 00:22:14,028 --> 00:22:15,377 'Cause you're dodging me." 540 00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:17,814 What about you, Aunt Suse? 541 00:22:18,032 --> 00:22:19,207 Are you excited to meet the President? 542 00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:20,817 I'm more excited about 543 00:22:21,035 --> 00:22:23,994 my baby's first big show this Friday. 544 00:22:24,212 --> 00:22:26,432 It's not that big a deal, Ma. We don't have any lines. 545 00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,347 I don't think the audience is even gonna notice us. 546 00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:31,219 Still, you're so brave to get up there with all those eyes 547 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:33,830 staring at you. - What do you mean? 548 00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:35,832 Well, if I had five hundred people watching me, 549 00:22:36,050 --> 00:22:38,357 I'd be terrified. 550 00:22:38,531 --> 00:22:41,447 I don't know how the cast of Nunsense does it every night. 551 00:22:41,664 --> 00:22:43,884 - Five hundred? - Oh, at least. 552 00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:45,232 All at the same time. 553 00:22:45,233 --> 00:22:47,061 Oh, honey, the whole town's coming. 554 00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:48,932 I've told everybody. 555 00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:51,370 My baby, the Broadway star. 556 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:56,679 Oh, Matty, maybe I'll get my tap shoes out tonight. 557 00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:58,246 I threw 'em away. 558 00:23:05,906 --> 00:23:07,080 Remember to say, 559 00:23:07,081 --> 00:23:08,908 "Dunkin' Donuts just off the Mass Pike." 560 00:23:08,909 --> 00:23:10,345 Don't you worry. 561 00:23:10,519 --> 00:23:12,260 I know exactly what I'm gonna say. 562 00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:15,872 POTUS is on the move. 563 00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:17,874 Please only let the President have one donut. 564 00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:21,530 Matty, isn't this exciting? 565 00:23:21,748 --> 00:23:23,793 Oh my gosh. Here he comes. 566 00:23:24,011 --> 00:23:25,882 Well, hi there. 567 00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:28,145 Thanks for letting me visit with you this afternoon. 568 00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:30,800 Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts, Mr. President. 569 00:23:31,018 --> 00:23:32,759 Well, you must be Miss Massachusetts. 570 00:23:32,976 --> 00:23:35,457 Oh, dear. 571 00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,982 Oh. Mm. Uh, I have to pee. 572 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,724 Well, gosh, what should I order? 573 00:23:41,942 --> 00:23:43,509 Let's see. Everything looks good. 574 00:23:43,726 --> 00:23:45,815 Any recommendations? - Yeah. 575 00:23:46,729 --> 00:23:50,080 I recommend you-- you do a-- you do a better job. 576 00:23:50,298 --> 00:23:51,908 - Pardon? - You-- 577 00:23:52,126 --> 00:23:54,345 You you're not doing a very good job. 578 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,739 And-- And-- And, yeah. 579 00:23:56,957 --> 00:23:58,611 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. 580 00:23:58,828 --> 00:24:00,351 I'd love to know your thoughts. 581 00:24:00,526 --> 00:24:02,919 Well, the-- 582 00:24:03,137 --> 00:24:05,922 Your economy is bad. 583 00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:07,837 Well, I feel your pain, 584 00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,926 and I want to hear your grievances. 585 00:24:10,144 --> 00:24:12,102 Listen, would you folks mind giving us a few minutes to talk? 586 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,713 I think he's a little nervous. 587 00:24:13,930 --> 00:24:16,367 Of course, sir. We'll be right outside. 588 00:24:16,542 --> 00:24:18,978 Now, tell me what you're feeling. 589 00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:21,634 I think you stink. 590 00:24:21,851 --> 00:24:23,940 And-- And you're-- And you're doing a garbage job. 591 00:24:24,158 --> 00:24:26,029 - Really? - Yeah. 592 00:24:26,247 --> 00:24:28,379 Well, listen here, you pockmarked piece of shit. 593 00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:29,946 You got some set of fucking balls. 594 00:24:30,164 --> 00:24:31,773 I take time out of my day 595 00:24:31,774 --> 00:24:33,733 to visit your little shit shop and you're giving me lip? 596 00:24:33,950 --> 00:24:35,996 Maybe the real problem is you're just a fucking loser. 597 00:24:36,213 --> 00:24:37,170 - But-- - Fuck you. 598 00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:38,607 Think you're so fucking tough 599 00:24:38,825 --> 00:24:40,173 with your fucking shitbag mouth. 600 00:24:40,174 --> 00:24:41,480 Why don't you take a swing at me, tough guy? 601 00:24:41,654 --> 00:24:42,959 I'll slap you back so hard 602 00:24:43,177 --> 00:24:44,831 you won't even recognize your own fucking dick. 603 00:24:45,048 --> 00:24:46,485 - Um-- - And get a shave, you pig. 604 00:24:46,659 --> 00:24:48,137 The fucking President's here. 605 00:24:48,138 --> 00:24:49,662 Now listen, throw some fucking Munchkins in a bag, 606 00:24:49,879 --> 00:24:51,054 give me a cup of coffee and shake my hand 607 00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:52,665 and smile to the window 608 00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:54,493 so people know we're having a good fucking time. 609 00:24:55,189 --> 00:24:56,059 Go! 610 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:06,722 That's right. Keep smiling, you fucking dog's vagina. 611 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,551 All right, they got it. 612 00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:14,251 Coffee's cold, asshole. 613 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:23,304 I meet President, but still not Courteney Cox? 614 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,001 What fuck? 615 00:25:28,657 --> 00:25:30,006 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 616 00:25:30,224 --> 00:25:32,269 Dude, the play is in two hours. I can't do this. 617 00:25:32,487 --> 00:25:34,097 Yes you can. It's gonna go great. 618 00:25:34,315 --> 00:25:36,186 Why did mom have to get into my fucking head? 619 00:25:36,404 --> 00:25:38,406 Hundreds of people watching. I can't go up there. 620 00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,277 I'm gonna panic. - Well, we can always bail. 621 00:25:40,495 --> 00:25:43,019 Yes. No. No, dude. We can't bail. 622 00:25:43,237 --> 00:25:44,717 Erin is never gonna go out with me, 623 00:25:44,934 --> 00:25:46,457 and she's gonna hate me for the rest of my life. 624 00:25:46,632 --> 00:25:47,850 I mean, you heard her. They're taping the show 625 00:25:48,068 --> 00:25:49,548 for her college application. 626 00:25:50,070 --> 00:25:52,071 I got an idea. 627 00:25:52,072 --> 00:25:57,991 ♪ I want to be the girl ♪ ♪ With the most cake ♪ 628 00:25:59,514 --> 00:26:01,081 ♪ He only loves... ♪ 629 00:26:01,298 --> 00:26:03,039 - Blaire. - Whoa, dude. 630 00:26:03,257 --> 00:26:05,476 Ever heard of knocking? - Blair, we need your help. 631 00:26:05,651 --> 00:26:07,870 Aren't you guys supposed to be getting ready for your play? 632 00:26:08,088 --> 00:26:09,524 Yeah, well, Johnny's having some trouble. 633 00:26:09,698 --> 00:26:11,047 He needs a little, uh, something. 634 00:26:11,265 --> 00:26:12,701 You-- You got anything mellow? 635 00:26:12,919 --> 00:26:15,661 I thought we already established I'm not your dealer. 636 00:26:15,878 --> 00:26:17,532 Come on, Blair. Me and Johnny are smoked out. 637 00:26:17,706 --> 00:26:18,881 The cupboard is bare. 638 00:26:19,099 --> 00:26:20,360 Blair, please. I can't do it. 639 00:26:20,361 --> 00:26:21,580 I can't go out on that stage, all right? 640 00:26:21,754 --> 00:26:22,929 I am too scared. 641 00:26:23,146 --> 00:26:24,757 Please, I'm begging you. 642 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:30,066 Okay. You're in luck. Paige made these brownies. 643 00:26:30,284 --> 00:26:32,068 Super mellow. - An edible? 644 00:26:32,286 --> 00:26:34,636 Yeah, I took one, like, 30 minutes ago, 645 00:26:34,854 --> 00:26:36,943 and I just feel super chill and focused. 646 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,247 Take one right before you go on stage 647 00:26:38,248 --> 00:26:39,554 and you'll float through the play. 648 00:26:39,728 --> 00:26:40,729 Thank you, Blair. 649 00:26:40,947 --> 00:26:42,122 It's easy to lose sight of, 650 00:26:42,339 --> 00:26:44,080 but drugs are always the solution. 651 00:26:44,298 --> 00:26:45,865 So, we'll see you at the play? 652 00:26:46,082 --> 00:26:47,083 Absolutely not. 653 00:26:52,175 --> 00:26:54,525 All right, you ready? Here we go. 654 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:55,961 Yeah, we're eating a brownie, 655 00:26:55,962 --> 00:26:57,833 not going to the fucking moon. Calm down. 656 00:27:02,142 --> 00:27:03,186 Hey, John. 657 00:27:03,796 --> 00:27:04,840 Erin. 658 00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,756 Wow. You look amazing. 659 00:27:07,974 --> 00:27:09,627 Thanks. You, too. 660 00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:12,892 I'll see you out there. Remember, you're my rock. 661 00:27:19,855 --> 00:27:21,640 Huh, big audience. 662 00:27:21,814 --> 00:27:23,903 Yeah, who cares? By the time we get out there, 663 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:25,295 we're gonna be chill as fuck. 664 00:27:25,513 --> 00:27:27,167 John, you have a phone call. 665 00:27:28,472 --> 00:27:29,735 Hello? 666 00:27:29,952 --> 00:27:32,128 Guys, do not eat those brownies! 667 00:27:32,346 --> 00:27:34,130 - What? - They're laced with shrooms 668 00:27:34,348 --> 00:27:36,306 or some shit. I'm in fucking hell right now. 669 00:27:36,524 --> 00:27:37,699 - What's wrong? - She says not to eat 670 00:27:37,917 --> 00:27:39,048 - the brownies. - What? 671 00:27:39,266 --> 00:27:40,049 We already did. 672 00:27:40,267 --> 00:27:42,965 No! God. Oh, God. No! 673 00:27:43,183 --> 00:27:44,531 Oh, God, what's happening to you? 674 00:27:44,532 --> 00:27:46,926 I have to kill myself as a 500-year-old woman. 675 00:27:47,143 --> 00:27:48,754 Fuck! I can't talk. 676 00:27:48,971 --> 00:27:50,407 When I'm 500, I have to die. 677 00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:52,758 She's freaking out! What do we do? 678 00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:55,021 - Oh, shit! - What the fuck do we do? 679 00:27:55,238 --> 00:27:56,152 We gotta throw up. 680 00:27:58,067 --> 00:28:00,548 I don't know how girls do this all the time. It's impossible. 681 00:28:00,722 --> 00:28:03,551 I have no gag reflex. Please don't let that get out. 682 00:28:08,208 --> 00:28:09,949 Hey, Matty, I saw you on the news. 683 00:28:11,298 --> 00:28:13,213 - Yeah? - I gotta ask you. 684 00:28:13,430 --> 00:28:14,736 What did you say to the President? 685 00:28:14,954 --> 00:28:17,173 I-- I-- 686 00:28:17,391 --> 00:28:19,088 I called him a lying piece of shit, 687 00:28:19,306 --> 00:28:21,177 and-- and he almost cried. 688 00:28:21,395 --> 00:28:24,180 Yeah. And then-- And then I-- I threw a coffee at him. 689 00:28:24,398 --> 00:28:26,182 - Really? - Yeah. 690 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,271 I-- I won. 691 00:28:28,489 --> 00:28:29,707 I like that Dunkin' Donuts. 692 00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:31,231 I saw Courteney Cox there once. 693 00:28:31,448 --> 00:28:34,843 Oh! You need to be joking me! 694 00:28:35,061 --> 00:28:36,453 Fuck, Teddy. We got ticking time bombs 695 00:28:36,671 --> 00:28:37,715 in our stomachs. 696 00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:39,238 Okay, let's just calm down here. 697 00:28:39,239 --> 00:28:40,370 How do you feel now? 698 00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:43,199 Right now, I actually feel fine. 699 00:28:43,417 --> 00:28:46,376 Me, too. Maybe-- Maybe Blair just can't handle her pot. 700 00:28:46,594 --> 00:28:48,901 Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. That's what it is. 701 00:28:49,118 --> 00:28:50,641 She's a lightweight. Not like us. 702 00:28:50,816 --> 00:28:52,208 We're fucking pot experts. 703 00:28:52,426 --> 00:28:53,862 Yeah, maybe it won't hit us as hard. 704 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:55,951 Guards, thirty seconds. You're on. 705 00:28:59,476 --> 00:29:01,435 Oh, fuck. 706 00:29:01,652 --> 00:29:03,219 Dear Guenevere, 707 00:29:03,437 --> 00:29:05,656 your beauty is intoxicating. 708 00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,442 You mustn't say such things within the castle walls. 709 00:29:08,659 --> 00:29:10,313 I cannot withhold my feelings. 710 00:29:10,531 --> 00:29:12,533 I believe I'm falling in love with you. 711 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:15,231 My darling Lancelot, lower your voice. 712 00:29:15,449 --> 00:29:17,233 The guards will hear you! 713 00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:22,848 I say, the guards will hear you! 714 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:34,033 Everyone's staring at us. 715 00:29:34,250 --> 00:29:35,817 So many eyes. 716 00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:40,256 I don't know who's in the play anymore. 717 00:29:40,474 --> 00:29:43,433 I think the people not sitting in chairs are in the play. 718 00:29:43,651 --> 00:29:46,262 They're gonna know, Teddy. Everyone's watching us. 719 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,089 They're all gonna know we're on drugs. 720 00:29:48,090 --> 00:29:50,919 No they're not. Nobody's gonna know we're on drugs. 721 00:29:51,137 --> 00:29:53,313 Oh, I'm sure they will. They're gonna know we're on drugs. 722 00:29:53,530 --> 00:29:55,271 No, not if we keep our voices down 723 00:29:55,489 --> 00:29:57,273 and whisper like we're doing right now. 724 00:29:57,491 --> 00:30:00,450 What an interesting plot twist. 725 00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:04,063 Lancelot, it-- it is impolitic 726 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,152 for us to carry on in this fashion. 727 00:30:06,369 --> 00:30:08,458 - Line? - You don't have any lines. 728 00:30:08,676 --> 00:30:09,937 Okay, then I'll improvise. 729 00:30:09,938 --> 00:30:13,376 ALF, you can't eat the cat. It's Christmas. 730 00:30:16,031 --> 00:30:18,294 Jesus fucking Christ, are you pissing? 731 00:30:18,512 --> 00:30:21,515 It's too much pressure! I don't want to grow up! 732 00:30:21,732 --> 00:30:23,734 He's just a boy, everyone! 733 00:30:23,909 --> 00:30:25,301 What the fuck are you doing? 734 00:30:25,519 --> 00:30:28,348 Hey, there is a demon in my butthole, okay? 735 00:30:30,567 --> 00:30:31,742 Line? 736 00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:38,967 I mean, it could have been worse. 737 00:30:39,185 --> 00:30:40,708 We didn't die. 738 00:30:43,798 --> 00:30:45,321 - Erin. - Fuck you, John. 739 00:30:45,539 --> 00:30:46,845 Erin, wait. Please. I'm so sorry. 740 00:30:47,019 --> 00:30:48,542 Me and Teddy, we got fed some bad brownies, 741 00:30:48,759 --> 00:30:50,109 and I fucking-- I messed up, okay? 742 00:30:50,936 --> 00:30:52,415 But what we felt in those rehearsals, 743 00:30:52,633 --> 00:30:53,895 that was real, wasn't it? 744 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,115 I mean, it was for me. 745 00:30:56,332 --> 00:30:57,811 Are you fucking insane? 746 00:30:57,812 --> 00:30:59,814 You just completely and massively fucked me over! 747 00:30:59,988 --> 00:31:02,773 Maybe we could talk about it down at Friendly's? 748 00:31:04,645 --> 00:31:07,474 I would literally rather have prison sex with Jeffrey Dahmer. 749 00:31:08,388 --> 00:31:09,563 Goodbye, John. 750 00:31:09,780 --> 00:31:10,912 And fuck you, Ted. 751 00:31:17,005 --> 00:31:19,398 You know, there's, like, a 10% chance 752 00:31:19,399 --> 00:31:20,617 we're still on stage. 753 00:31:24,578 --> 00:31:27,015 Activities. 754 00:31:27,233 --> 00:31:29,670 Did play. 755 00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,367 Nice. 756 00:31:38,592 --> 00:31:42,987 ♪ Oh, you've got a headful ♪ ♪ Of someone dreadful ♪ 757 00:31:42,988 --> 00:31:46,078 ♪ And yet, alas ♪ ♪ That someone adores you ♪ 758 00:31:47,644 --> 00:31:51,430 ♪ Everybody needs ♪ ♪ A best friend ♪ 759 00:31:51,431 --> 00:31:54,085 ♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪ 760 00:31:54,086 --> 00:31:56,697 ♪ I'm just a clown ♪ 761 00:31:57,437 --> 00:32:00,656 ♪ And I'll bring you down ♪ 762 00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:02,745 ♪ But you just don't care ♪ 763 00:32:02,746 --> 00:32:06,836 ♪ 'Cause your ♪ 764 00:32:06,837 --> 00:32:09,318 ♪ Best friend is me ♪