1 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,062 What's that? 2 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,981 I think he's saying we have to walk the rest of the way. 3 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,567 Oh, okay. Sounds so nice when he says it. 4 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,737 Why does English sound like throwing silverware in a drawer? 5 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:16,910 Amici, buongiorno! 6 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,287 You look so happy! 7 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:22,874 I am. I'm with Danny and my family at the same time, I'm delirious. Let's go. 8 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,085 Everybody's waiting to meet you. Come, come, come! 9 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:29,464 Great, because I practiced a traditional Italian greeting, so… 10 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:37,430 I am horny to be here! Thank you for eating us! 11 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,646 Uh… So, uh, this is my mother, Gloria. 12 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,481 -My sister, Marlena. -Hi. 13 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,734 -My nieces, Paola and Mara, over there. -Hey. 14 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:53,029 Paola's son, Valerio, is under the table. 15 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,950 My cousin, Enzo, his wife, Anna. Those are their kids. 16 00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:00,870 That's my nephew, Fabio. And that's Zia Giulia. 17 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:05,500 He is like a little boy pretending to be a man. 18 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,086 It's a traditional greeting? 19 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,756 Welcome to Italy! Hi! 20 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:15,218 -Mwah! Mwah! -Mwah. Oh! 21 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:18,763 They do two here. Hi, Lady Disdain. 22 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,014 Hi. 23 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,475 -Hi. Hey. -Hi. Mwah, mwah. 24 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,769 Good to see you. 25 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:28,189 Sit! Sit, sit, sit, sit. Come on, relax. It's so good to see you. 26 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,149 Let's go! 27 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,692 -Well… -Come on. 28 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:33,903 Thank you for letting us come, huh? 29 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,239 Especially after the last time we saw each other. 30 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,699 Um… 31 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:42,537 I feel like I should address the 900-pound turkey in the room. 32 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,955 -Not necessary. -No, please don't. 33 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,749 Jack, it's fine. I've already forgotten the squelch it made. 34 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,627 Okay, well, you're all getting apology presents anyway, all right? 35 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,629 Whatever you want. Money is no object. 36 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,549 -Jack? -I'm being told that money is an object. 37 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,092 Let's keep it under 50 bucks. 38 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,052 Okay, basta. Let's have a toast. 39 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,805 What are you doing? Not the cheap stuff! 40 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,682 These are my friends, not swine! 41 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:03,933 Don't disrespect your uncle! 42 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,560 Claude is bossy in Italy. 43 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,398 In Italy, we say, "Chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro." 44 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,942 "Who finds a friend, finds a treasure." 45 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,779 Danny and I have found our treasure with you. 46 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,489 Thank you for coming. 47 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,786 Saluté! 48 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,415 I think I'm sexually attracted to Italian Claude. 49 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:40,595 I am so tired. Maybe we could just lay down for like ten minutes. 50 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:43,806 No, no, no. We have to fight through the jet lag and acclimate. 51 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,643 Otherwise, we'll spend the whole time taking breakfast naps. 52 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:53,066 You know, I don't think you have to keep apologizing for Thanksgiving. 53 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,235 They're your friends, and everyone loves you. 54 00:03:55,318 --> 00:04:00,323 Yeah, like you love your deranged uncle who lives in an institution. 55 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,367 No one thinks you're crazy. 56 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,910 Sure. 57 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,747 So, uh, how was it seeing Danny? 58 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,083 -It was fine. -Really? 59 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:14,504 'Cause you did that fake high-pitched "hi" that you usually reserve for my family. 60 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,382 -"Hi, I'm tolerating you." -What am I supposed to say? 61 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,759 He's a grown man. He can live wherever he wants. 62 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,971 Yeah, and you can feel as heartbroken as you want. 63 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,931 Oh my God, heartbroken? 64 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,768 He's my friend. He's not like my husband who went to war. 65 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,020 Sidebar, nicest thing you've said to me in a month. 66 00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:34,524 Yeah, look, I just thought that part of why you wanted to come-- 67 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,110 I wanted to come because Anne begged us all to come. 68 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,737 And now I want to enjoy it with you. 69 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:43,574 I'm not here to rekindle my relationship with Danny. 70 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,202 Okay, got it. Sounds good. 71 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:50,790 All right, well, maybe I will just rest my eyes while you finish-- 72 00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:51,749 No! Wake up! 73 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,792 I'm up! 74 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,431 Isn't this place amazing? 75 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:12,353 Did you know that the exterior iron work was made by 15th-century monks? 76 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,479 Wow. 77 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,190 Did you know that the exterior aluminum work on my house 78 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,318 was done by Siding by Randy? 79 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,447 Everyone, we have a special treat. 80 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,200 Tonight, we are all going to the Nativity pageant at the church 81 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,952 that Marlena and the girls organized. 82 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,039 Oh! That's so lovely! 83 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,003 What's he saying? 84 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:42,759 Uh, he's just excited because he thinks that you look like… La Befana. 85 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,802 Oh, who is that? 86 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,138 -Oh. -Um… 87 00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:51,768 La Befana is, um, an Italian version of Santa Claus. 88 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,021 She's a very, very beloved figure. 89 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,358 -A magical figure, yeah. -Mm-hm. 90 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:02,111 And, uh, she's kind of a mistress of winter. 91 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,699 Oh! I see. Like Elsa or Mariah Carey. 92 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,076 Uh… 93 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:13,498 And you must all feel so happy 94 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,834 to finally have Claude back home after all these years. 95 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:21,172 -Why are you talking like that? -Famiglia is so… What's the word? 96 00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:24,384 -Important. -Does your accent make you forget English? 97 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,887 I'm an empath, so I take on the speech patterns of the people around me. 98 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:33,559 We are so, so happy because, you know, Claude is like a father to my girls. 99 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,562 Well, I had to be because of the biological father, Vincenzo. 100 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,774 Oh. 101 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:44,862 This is why I have to be on my best behavior here. 102 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,948 These women will rip you to shreds. 103 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,157 I would never do that. 104 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,118 Well, that's because you're my girl. 105 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,036 Seems like you're doing great here. 106 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,831 Aw, thanks, Kate. 107 00:06:55,581 --> 00:07:00,711 Oh! So you are Kate! You are the one in love with Danny! 108 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:05,049 Ooh, uh, but I think something's gotten lost in translation. I-- 109 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,717 No, I am not in love with Danny. 110 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,594 Ah, okay. 111 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,804 This is my husband. 112 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,057 Okay, okay, if everyone is finished now, 113 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,518 I want to take you all to the Christmas market. 114 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,605 I can't wait to buy something that'll shatter in my carry-on. 115 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,235 You know, I think I'm gonna skip the Christmas market. 116 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:25,611 I'm going to take a nap. 117 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,155 Thought we had to acclimate. 118 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,323 Yeah, well, I'm just, you know, really wiped. 119 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,950 Maybe I'm getting old. 120 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,494 -Ah… -Okay. 121 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,662 All right, but we go. 122 00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,133 "Really wiped out." She acts like she flew you all here on her back. 123 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,678 -Well, I just think she's a little-- -Mad at me? I know what she's a little. 124 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:54,015 Look, by the laws of marriage, I'm not allowed to engage in this tone. 125 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,099 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 126 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,100 Yeah. 127 00:07:56,184 --> 00:08:00,271 Guys, look, a lot of great options here for an "I'm sorry" present. 128 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,356 Seriously, just tell me what you want. 129 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,776 Jack, you don't have to buy-- Oh, can I get a big cookie? 130 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,236 Yes, you may. 131 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,490 Oh! Are those from your vineyard? Could I get two bottles? 132 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,367 Oh, are those hats? 133 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,285 Annie. 134 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,958 What do you say, Claude? An elegant goblet for an elegant man? 135 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,461 Please, Jack, stop. This is too much. 136 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:24,879 Look, if you don't pick something, 137 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,715 I'm just gonna buy you this tacky baby Jesus 138 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:29,217 in a hot air balloon. 139 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,676 I hand make. 140 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:36,057 Uh, scusi. It's bellissima. Bellissima. 141 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,852 I want to find something for Gino. 142 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,604 How are you doing without them? 143 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,897 Uh, you know, at first, 144 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,525 I was a little "eek" about being alone for the holidays. 145 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:49,070 But, you know, honestly, it's been nice. 146 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,363 My time is my own. 147 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:54,492 I can go to bed as early as I want. I can sleep as late as I want. 148 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,203 But you're awake sometimes, right? 149 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,663 In a way, it's easier. 150 00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:02,041 I can make one pot of coffee and sip on it for the whole week 151 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,252 because no one else is there to drink it. 152 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:05,836 I can just 153 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:10,383 take some and nuke it and sip on it. 154 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,262 What are these? I keep seeing them everywhere. 155 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,847 Oh, uh, Anne, actually, 156 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,016 that is La Befana. 157 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,935 La Befana? 158 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,563 The one the child said was me? 159 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,314 Yeah. 160 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,025 But she's a witch. 161 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,778 Well, a Christmas witch. 162 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,614 -Everyone loves her. -What am I gonna say? 163 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:37,910 I thought she was going to be like a blonde lady with a crown of icicles. 164 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:42,748 Guys, I'm so sorry. Marlena and the kids. They need help setting up the pageant. 165 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,709 Okay, well, uh, you guys go do that, 166 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,086 and I will make sure Kate gets to the church. 167 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,713 Yeah. 168 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,755 Okay. 169 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:51,674 Hey. 170 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,217 I don't see it. 171 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,347 Thank you. 172 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,018 All right. 173 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,271 Careful. 174 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,653 Hey, Anne? Quick question: do you think you're helping? 175 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,949 Sorry. The story of La Befana is insane. 176 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,952 It says here, she turned down a chance 177 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:23,372 to go with the three wise men to see the baby Jesus 178 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:28,461 because she wanted to stay home and catch up on housework. 179 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,505 She lived to regret that decision and vowed to spend the rest of her days 180 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,799 handing out candy to children, hoping to one day meet 181 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,676 the Christ child she had missed. 182 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,511 Oh! 183 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,306 What a loser. 184 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,725 I am nothing like her. 185 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:46,854 Right? 186 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:52,360 Yeah, I mean, you're the one who keeps bringing it up. Yeah. 187 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,570 Jack, help me carry these two lambs. 188 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,711 Okay. 189 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,254 I think this is everything. 190 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,131 Well, not quite. 191 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,551 I got a little something for you. 192 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,808 Is that "Thank you for my new goblet"? 193 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,894 No, I told you I didn't want this. 194 00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,230 We don't care about the turkey. 195 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,608 You got mad. So what? Everybody gets mad. 196 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,319 Get off your lazy ass and come help us! 197 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,822 Fuck you! My knee's being weird! 198 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,491 See? Everybody's mad, nobody gets goblets. 199 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:42,284 Yeah, but I'm not an angry guy. 200 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,663 We know. We know that. It's over, okay? 201 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,498 -Okay. I-- -Let it go. Let it go. 202 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,625 Okay, I'm just really in my head about it. 203 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,336 And I don't mean to apologize so much. I'm sorry. 204 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,254 Okay. 205 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,797 -Sorry. -Okay. 206 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,924 Oh! 207 00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,259 Guys. 208 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,598 Do you have room for two more? 209 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,385 Kate. Kate. 210 00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:43,596 Katherine. 211 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:45,639 Kathy! 212 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:49,435 What? I'm up! 213 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,438 Wait. How long was I asleep? 214 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,273 Is it Christmas? 215 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:56,650 Get up. We have to meet everyone at the church. 216 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,194 But prepare yourself. 217 00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,029 We're going in style. 218 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,496 This is a little over the top. 219 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:11,040 Over the top? I was trying to be nice. 220 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:14,210 Look, I even paid extra for the driver's festive folklore getup. 221 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,213 Sorry. It's very nice. 222 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,758 Hey, I know you don't love this move. 223 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,511 But trust me, things won't change. 224 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:25,554 Great. 225 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,765 Can you please not say "great" 226 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,392 like I just bought you an adult coloring book for your birthday? 227 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,937 But listen, okay, honestly, 228 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,147 I bet we see each other as much as we did in New York. 229 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,066 Okay, more, probably. Okay? 230 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,987 What? What is that face? Use your words, Katherine. 231 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,281 Why are we going down an alley? 232 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,700 Wait, this is wrong. Uh-- 233 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,328 Scusi! Scusi! 234 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,914 Give me cash and phones. 235 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:52,873 Oh! 236 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,124 -Okay. -Okay, um… 237 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,334 Just… cool. 238 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,753 Just be cool, be cool. Hey, look. Cool, be cool. 239 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,046 -Also jewelry. -Really? 240 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,506 -Jewelry. -But this is… 241 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,925 Oh, no, no. Just man. Yours cheap. 242 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:06,095 Ha! 243 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:14,645 Ah, thank you, man. I feel so much better. I mean, this is what Nick used to do. 244 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:17,690 He'd make me go do something physical and get it all out. 245 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,108 Oh, that was so fun. 246 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,902 Fun for who? You were a monster out there. 247 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,362 What? 248 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,200 Dude, what the fuck? 249 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,915 How do you say "fuckface" in Italian? 250 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:44,133 Well, I thought it was a competitive game. 251 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,803 No, it was a get-together for nice dads in the neighborhood. 252 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,722 That was very bad. 253 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,350 Oh, honey! 254 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,643 -I'll get that. -Sure? 255 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,395 -I'll get it. -Okay. 256 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,412 -What? -Uh… 257 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,415 Father Giuseppe, 258 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:19,209 he has just learned that the woman 259 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:24,048 who played La Befana in our pageant for the last 40 years 260 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,591 has taken ill. 261 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,801 So we were just wondering if you-- 262 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,637 -No! -No? 263 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,680 Why do people keep bringing her up to me? 264 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,849 I am nothing like her. 265 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:38,145 She is a depressing shut-in, and I am a confident, independent woman 266 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:41,106 who chooses not to leave the house that much. 267 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:42,942 Yeah. 268 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:47,696 Thank you, though. It is a "no," but I appreciate the opportunity. 269 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,407 -Grazie. -Grazie. 270 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,870 Are we sure this is the right way? 271 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,123 No, Katherine, it's the wrong way. I'm just trying to get my steps in. 272 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,292 Okay. 273 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,212 Ah. 274 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,964 Oh, thank God. 275 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:09,635 Okay. Uh, so, uh, the thing is, um… 276 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,973 This is the wrong church. I was thinking of a different church. 277 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,850 But the good news is, 278 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,520 is that we're high enough up now 279 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:22,439 that we can find the correct church from up here. 280 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:24,233 And… 281 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,193 There it is! 282 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,611 Ha! Look! 283 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,488 Yay! 284 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:34,326 Perfect. 285 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,788 So are we gonna zip line down? 286 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:39,957 Helpful attitude, but no. 287 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,333 How are we supposed to get to it? 288 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,168 As soon as we go back, we'll be lost again. 289 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:48,507 I can point my arm like this towards the church 290 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,843 and adjust as needed as we walk. 291 00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,220 We'll be fine. Human compass. Look. 292 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,348 You know, my phone had a compass, 293 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:59,893 but at least now the robber will have pictures of all of Jack's rashes. 294 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:03,313 Okay, can you not be a Scrooge? 295 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,900 I mean, we're in Italy! Look at the view! 296 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,570 Can you just try to enjoy yourself? 297 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,697 Can you stop selling me? 298 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,950 Ever since we got here, you're like, "Look at the town, 299 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,494 look at the iron work, look what the monks did." 300 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,621 You know what? Adding that unpleasant nasal quality 301 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,915 to your impression of me is really cunty. 302 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,710 You could be thankful that I'm giving you the excuse 303 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,670 to have a European vacation every summer. 304 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,965 My brother in Christ, I am not coming back in the summer. 305 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,887 I cannot fly back and forth to Italy like a fucking olive oil mogul, okay? 306 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:38,724 And you can lie to yourself all you want, but everything is gonna change. 307 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:42,686 And that's fine. You know, I will survive, but that is the truth. 308 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,202 Does your compass have a setting for toilet? Because I have to pee. 309 00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:04,416 I don't know what's going on with me. I'm kicking turkeys. 310 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,960 I gave that guy a titty twister. 311 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,337 He's the mayor. 312 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:17,387 I'm the one who smashed up that snack shack at that funky hotel. 313 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:22,976 Okay, Jack. I hate to tell you this, but you are an angry guy. 314 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,436 No, I'm not. 315 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,689 The reason I know this is because I'm an angry guy too. 316 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,693 I was always trying to be this happy husband who never disagreed. 317 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,612 And I'd be nice and nice and nice 318 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,490 until I'd snap and throw all of Danny's clothes out the window. 319 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,242 Yeah, that was really bad. 320 00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,786 Like the same or worse than all the stuff I did. 321 00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:44,289 Because I never wanted to be mad. 322 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,251 But you can't deal with it if you can say it. 323 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,258 I am mad. 324 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:55,926 Yeah. 325 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,848 I'm mad about Nick. I was mad at Kate. 326 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,475 Now I'm mad at myself for pushing her away. 327 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,855 You see? Was that so hard? 328 00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,690 Oh! 329 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,608 I'm getting us shots. 330 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,903 The pageant is three hours long. 331 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,240 You're different here. 332 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,242 No, I'm different in America. 333 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,578 Here, I feel like myself again. 334 00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,165 I'd like to feel like myself again. 335 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,542 You will. 336 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:34,423 Sorry, everything in Italy closes early on Sundays. 337 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:38,051 Yeah, well, my bladder has an American work ethic. 338 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,179 Wait! That's a public toilet. 339 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,014 Oh, thank God! 340 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,272 Oh, no! 341 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:54,026 Now my body's doing that thing that it knows we're near a bathroom. 342 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,527 Why does it do that? 343 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,987 Okay, wait, okay. 344 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:01,158 Okay, I can boost you up, and you can climb through this window. 345 00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,993 All right, all right. Okay, come on. 346 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,954 Just don't, like, make some grunt that I'll hear for the rest of my life. 347 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,290 I won't. Come on. 348 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,751 Oh, Danny! 349 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:12,461 Sweet Jesus. 350 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,754 Oh my God! 351 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:15,422 Why are you going in head first? 352 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,424 Katherine! Kick over! 353 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,843 Oh, God! I'm scared! And now I'm peeing! 354 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,888 -No, Katherine, no! -It's going down my butt crack! 355 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,932 It's on my back. 356 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,652 Wait, are you crying? 357 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,863 I shouldn't have moved here. 358 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,999 Hey. 359 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,126 I am La Befana. 360 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,419 Mm. 361 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,838 Maybe we left her alone for a little too long. 362 00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,634 She had a chance to leave her house, and she didn't take it, and neither did I. 363 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,678 Um… 364 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,346 What are you talking about? 365 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,934 Nick cheated on me. Years ago. Way before Ginny. 366 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,270 And I almost left him and I chickened out. 367 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:15,649 If I had left at 47, I could have built a whole new life. 368 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,652 Now it's too late. 369 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:21,446 Now I'm a weird old witch. 370 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,448 Annie, no, you're not. 371 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:24,825 But… 372 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,410 If you're really worried, 373 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:29,329 maybe stop buying necklaces from the museum gift shops. 374 00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,706 Claude, come on. 375 00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,749 Okay. 376 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:36,086 This fucking guy again. 377 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,762 Ugh. 378 00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:48,598 I thought you loved it here. 379 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:53,937 I was trying to sell you on Italy because I was also trying to sell myself. 380 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:59,026 I mean, it's beautiful, and Claude is so happy, 381 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:03,613 but it's also weird, you know? Like, some of the police cars are Lamborghinis. 382 00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:11,413 Of course things will change, you know? We won't have moments like this. 383 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,665 Insane, unplanned moments 384 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:17,044 where we both laugh so hard we make each other pee. 385 00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,004 -We both peed? -No, I was being polite. 386 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,922 I'm not a gross animal. 387 00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:25,886 I shouldn't have moved here. 388 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:31,141 I'm gonna miss you so much. 389 00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:33,685 I know. 390 00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:36,938 I am 391 00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:38,940 heartbroken. 392 00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:43,070 You know, when Claude's sister said that I was in love with you-- 393 00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:46,114 -I know you hated when she said that. -I really hated that. 394 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:47,824 Yeah. 395 00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:53,080 I wouldn't blame you for being in love with me. I mean, I am insanely lovable. 396 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:56,041 I am not in love with you, Danny. 397 00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:59,711 But I do love you. 398 00:23:03,965 --> 00:23:05,008 Because… 399 00:23:08,136 --> 00:23:14,601 in every other part of my life, I'm a mother and a wife and a scary boss. 400 00:23:14,684 --> 00:23:15,727 Mm. 401 00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:25,070 But when I'm with you, 402 00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:30,158 you make me feel like the 19-year-old that I was when we met. 403 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,538 And I feel so far from her. 404 00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,417 And you will always have that piece of me. 405 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,797 I know you better than anyone. 406 00:23:44,297 --> 00:23:45,507 And you know me. 407 00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:49,386 That's right. 408 00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:54,099 That's how I know that you are gonna be fine here. 409 00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:55,976 -Yeah. -Okay? You're gonna be fine. 410 00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:00,647 And don't worry about you and me, okay? 411 00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:02,482 Even if we see each other 412 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:06,111 once every other year, which will suck balls, 413 00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:11,992 it will always feel like this, and we will always be us. 414 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,872 I love you too, Katherine. 415 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,167 Man, you smell like pee. 416 00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:00,248 Look at her. They did it. 417 00:25:12,552 --> 00:25:13,720 -Good? -It's fine. 418 00:25:13,803 --> 00:25:14,763 Hey. 419 00:25:14,846 --> 00:25:18,266 I called you a bunch of times, but you didn't answer. Is everything okay? 420 00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:23,522 Yeah, I was, uh, rekindling my relationship with Danny. 421 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,774 I figured. 422 00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,526 -Come. -I missed you, though. 423 00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:28,818 I missed you too. 424 00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:56,638 Thank you, children! That was wonderful. 425 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:59,933 And now, the moment you have all been waiting for… 426 00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:00,976 La Befana! 427 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,688 Buonasera, bambini! 428 00:26:05,605 --> 00:26:08,733 This is the last appearance for La Befana. 429 00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:10,193 So get a real good look, kids, 430 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:13,947 because this bitch and all her regrets are out of my life after tonight. 431 00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:16,908 Merry Christmas, everybody! 432 00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:27,586 What was that for? 433 00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:29,254 I'm just happy. 434 00:26:29,337 --> 00:26:30,547 -Yeah? -Mm-hm. 435 00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:32,591 I'm happy too. 436 00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:36,136 I had a great talk with Kate. 437 00:26:36,219 --> 00:26:37,762 -Oh yeah? -Mm-hm. 438 00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:41,016 Has she finally come around on you living here? 439 00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:43,727 Yeah, and honestly, she's helped me come around on living here. 440 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:48,607 What? How around did you have to come? 441 00:26:49,357 --> 00:26:53,570 No, no, I was just talking to her about, you know, how different things were here, 442 00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:56,781 you know, like Lamborghini police cars. 443 00:26:56,865 --> 00:27:00,201 It's why our crime rates are so low. They get to the scene so fast. 444 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:04,914 Oh. All I'm saying is that sometimes I feel like an outsider here. 445 00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:09,252 Oh, I see. It's like how I felt when I did that for you for 16 years. 446 00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:11,546 Well, yeah, but that was New York. 447 00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:14,382 I'm not trying to start a fight with you. 448 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,301 It doesn't really matter. 449 00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:18,303 It does matter, actually! 450 00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:20,889 I gave you an out at Thanksgiving, and you didn't take it. 451 00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:24,184 -What? I'm staying. -Danny, if you change your mind. 452 00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:26,144 I'm saying I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere. 453 00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:28,521 I don't want to go back to America, okay! 454 00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:30,774 Ah-- 455 00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:37,822 It's your mom. 456 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:42,994 Mom. 457 00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:46,665 What's the matter?