My darling.
I love you more than you can imagine.
You deserve endless happiness and infinite love.
And that's why you deserve...
the fastest 5G network in America,
with no hidden fees and a free NorvaCom XP4 phone.
It's time you got engaged to Lumezza Wireless.
And cut! Cut it.
Reset!
It's a cut. Uh, good job, Frank.
Rene, that's beautiful work. Let's go to the fifteens.
Yes. - Uh, it was a little low.
- I'm sorry. What? - The phone.
They were just wanting to get one
where the phone is a little higher in frame.
Higher? It's gonna be a cutaway,
so just tell him it'll be fine.
Um, just real quick.
So if we could just do one more
where it's a little higher...
Going again!
- Oh, thanks. - See ya, Anna.
Hey. Decent day.
Right? - Yeah.
We're going up to the cabin this weekend.
Did I tell you that? - No. Uh...
Lisa. Lisa and I.
We're going-- going up to the cabin.
- Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh. - Yeah.
How, uh, how are things with you and Lisa?
Lisa's planning a big hike for "Sunurday"--
Saturday or Sunday. - Oh. Uh-huh.
She's going by herself up into the mountains all alone,
which I keep telling her,
"Lisa. Lisa. It just sounds dangerous."
Okay.
It's also supposed to snow up there,
which feels even more dangerous.
Oh. Oh.
Well, I should get going.
But you did a great job today,
and I really value our friendship.
Okay, well, see ya, Dan.
- Hello. - Have a good weekend.
Oh. Yeah. It's gonna be fine.
No. Not you. It's me.
We, uh, we still good for tomorrow?
Uh, yeah, I'll be there.
You got the, uh...
you know, whatever you need for...
- I got it. - Okay. Alright. Great.
I'll see you in, uh... - Hey. Afterwards...
Do you think we could take the boat out?
What?
'Cause we're gonna be up there.
Maybe we could take the boat out for fun.
No! No! Obviously not.
- Okay, yeah. - Tomorrow, noon.
Don't be late.
Lisa and I are going up to the cabin this weekend.
Oh, fuck.
You see how many fucking blueberries are in this yogurt?
- Yeah. - You know, everything
is just so damn sweet these days.
The whole country's going to hell.
Sorry about that, Dad.
Jesus.
If there are any new details...
So Lisa is planning this big hike for Saturday.
Yeah, she's going up into the mountains all by herself.
I keep telling her it's very, very dangerous.
But... - Lisa? Is she still with you?
I thought you fucked that up.
No. We're fine.
I just thought it would be nice to relax.
- Relax? For what? - Yes.
From playing make-believe with your Hollywood pedophiles?
Or maybe relax from asking me for money.
- Okay. - Relax from that.
I mean, you know, you and your whole generation,
you got to have everything handed to you.
You got to cry when you don't get a trophy.
But you're not ready to bleed for it.
What you all need is a good war.
Yeah, I hear that about war. That it's good.
Yeah. It made a man out of me.
Men are not born, Daniel. They're made.
They're forged in a furnace of pain and suffering,
hardened by glorious battle.
- Okay, Mr. Burton. - Oh, fuck off, Kevin!
Sorry, Kevin.
Christ. He's trying to poison me.
Ahh.
I should have died over there in combat.
Not here. Not like this. This...
Well, I should get going.
Dan, I wish a war upon you.
I know you do, Dad.
I said fuck off, Kevin!
Hey, Dan!
Hey! Hey, Rachel.
Happy hunting.
- Hey. - Hi.
Are you ready for some hiking?
What the hell are you talking about? I'm not hiking.
You always park so close to the bushes.
♪ I was a bad love
♪ Now I can get some
♪ I got a heart full of
♪ I got a heart full of re-re-redemption ♪
♪ I was a bad love
♪ Now I can get some
♪ I got a heart full of
♪ I got a heart full of re-re-redemption ♪
♪ Yeah, now run, baby, run
♪ Run from the bad love
♪ New love, baby, come on, honey, give me some ♪
♪ Run, baby, run, run from the bad love ♪
Why?!
♪ New love, baby, come on, honey, give me some ♪
♪ Run, baby, run, run from the bad love ♪
♪ New love, baby, come on, honey, give me some ♪
♪ Run, baby, run--
Oh, I like that. Okay.
Okay, okay.
Can you not eat another protein bar on the way up?
Because I want to make you dinner,
and I don't want you to be full.
Aw.
I like it when you tell me what to do.
How's your dad?
He's fine. Same.
Loves you.
Utterly embarrassed by my existence.
Is that the new play?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
How is it? - Yeah, it's good.
Horse!
Sorry. What were you saying?
It's fine.
Yeah? Well, I'm certain you will get the part.
Thank you.
I don't know, though,
because the director's kind of a pretentious asshole, you know?
Sort of part of our job description.
Yeah.
He's a theater director, though.
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
What? Because I direct films, I'm not as good...
Are you saying films aren't art?
No, obviously, films can be art.
Oh, so you're saying my films aren't art.
No, I'm saying you don't direct films.
- I have. - Yeah.
You directed one eight years ago,
but now you direct pop-up ads.
O-kay!
What?
Those pop-up ads--
which is not exactly what they are, by the way--
paid off our Visa bill.
- That you ran up. - Supporting you.
Okay. Wow.
And your noble work in the theater.
- Okay. - Not Broadway, mind you.
- Alright. - Off-season...
- Alright. Easy. - Catskills...
jukebox musicals. - Can we not?
Which gives you the artistic high ground of a...
- Can we not? - Something low.
- Can we not? - A submarine!
Can we please, Jesus, just pretend to be happy
for one weekend and we can just fucking pretend?
- Yes, yes, yes. - Please, ah!
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
I wasn't even trying to insult you.
I was trying to insult this fucking guy.
If it makes you feel any better,
I think you're an amazing director.
We both know that's bullshit.
Horse!
Can you get the groceries, please?
Yeah.
Where's the key?
It's right where you're reaching, on top of the door.
No, it's not.
It is. Do you want me to help you?
- No, I got it. - Okay.
Hey, I found it.
Alright.
Ahh.
It's wine o'clock, motherfucker.
Ha ha ha!
Ha. I have fun. Alright.
♪ Sometimes I get lonesome
♪ Sometime I get a little blue ♪
♪ He got me walking around in circles ♪
♪ And after that, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ What good is a love
♪ You can't have it when you want it ♪
♪ What good is a love, yeah
♪ If you can't own it
♪ Love can be so good
♪ And love can be so cruel
♪ Love can make you happy ♪ - Yes, please.
♪ Ooh, yeah
♪ Make you blow your cool
♪ But when he puts his arms around me ♪
♪ Way in the little old dark
♪ You know he fill me up with a kind of delight ♪
♪ Ooh, the man's alright
Fucking mice.
♪ Trouble with my lover
♪ I'm in a world of trouble
♪ Trouble
♪ Trouble with my lover
♪ I'm in a world of trouble
♪ Trouble
♪ I feel so helpless
♪ I can't help myself
♪ I wished I believe
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ This man I love
Seems like a tablespoon.
Okay, I think we're good.
Oh, hey, have you seen my sweater?
Uh... which one?
Which one? The one that I always wear here.
The winter one. It's blue.
It has the decorative snowflakes on it.
Have you checked the closet?
The closet where we keep the clothes?
Yes, I checked the closet.
Well, I haven't seen it.
Oh. Can you not crush the garlic?
It needs to be sliced.
Yes, chef!
Okay.
I'm just-- I'm trying to follow the recipe,
and it says thinly sliced garlic.
Oh, does it? Okay. My God.
Okay, you know what? I'm trying to make it nice for you.
Well, then be nice.
I'm being nice to you.
Are you? You're screaming at me about garlic.
Garlic's garlic, mate.
- Okay. - Okay.
Okay.
Just shut it down. Get back to--
What were you doing? Something.
So bendy.
That's so fibrous. Fuck me.
- For crying out loud. - No, no, no, no, no.
- Just grab it. - It's not ready.
Gosh darn it to heck!
Okay. Thank you, Lisa. - Sorry. Sorry.
Thank you. Yeah. You're good.
Why don't you go take a bath?
Why don't you go take a 5-hour bath?
Hey. - Hey.
- How is it? - Oh, yeah. It's good.
It's really good. - Great.
I picked these cuts out specifically.
And those peppercorns, you can't get them on the East Coast.
I had to order them two weeks in advance from Ohio.
You ordered rare peppercorns from Ohio?
I did. I just...
I wanted this meal to be really special.
Why?
There's no why.
I just wanted to cook you your favorite food,
give you a really nice experience.
Steak's not my favorite food.
It isn't?
Nope.
But you eat steak all the time.
I like steak. Absolutely.
It's not my favorite.
Okay.
And what is your favorite food?
Ceviche.
- Ceviche? Ceviche? - Ceviche.
The fish in citrus?
- Yeah. - Funny.
I've never seen you once order ceviche.
Never have we been at a restaurant
and you said, "Do you have ceviche?
Excuse me.
Do you have ceviche?
I'll start with that."
That's because I only order it, darling,
if the restaurant does it well.
I see. What restaurants do it well?
Peruvian ones, usually, but any South American place.
That guy from your acting class,
what's his-- What's his name again?
Uh, help me.
Who?
The swarthy one.
- Oh! Dario? - Dario!
- Uh-huh. - That's it. Yeah.
Isn't that guy from Peru?
I don't know.
What's that got to do with anything?
Nothing. I was changing the subject.
Oh. Okay.
How's that thing you guys are writing together?
Oh. It's good. Yeah. I think it's good.
- That's great. - Yeah.
Smart to write your own material, I think.
It's really smart.
Thank you.
Yep, yep, yep.
Yep.
So that's a triple word score.
Zek?
What the fuck is a zek?
Zek is an approved word in the Scrabble dictionary.
Yeah, I'm gonna challenge that.
Oh, are you? Okay.
Fucking zek.
Damn it. - What?
You know what.
What happened? You can say it.
It's okay. - Uhh.
So that is...
Wow!
That's 28 points.
This is bullshit. This is bullshit.
You just memorize short, stupid Scrabble words.
I mean, what-- what is this? Qin?
- "Kwin." - You don't know what qin means.
I don't have to know what it means.
That's-- That's not the rules.
Oh, yeah, but it's not fun.
Is it?
- You qin some, you lose some. - Ohh.
I was joking around. Oh, come on.
We used to joke like this a lot.
- I'm going to bed. - Lis...
Don't do this. Please don't do this.
I thought Bronwyn was insane in that scene.
Well, no, I'm glad that she didn't kiss her or anything.
I'm glad that Heather was like, "Fuck you."
It's risky doing this thing.
And when you take chances, you can fall.
And then you have to decide to get up or stay down.
And it's like, "Sweetie, you're on a reality show.
This is who these people are."
This is the wire you walk on up there.
Someone's sad sack of a husband.
So simple. You're here, then you're not.
The real benefit is if you don't have to suffer.
It's just...
- Do not not bring Heather-- - ...without you knowing it...
What gives you the right?
Why, the future of our little town, of course.
The house is not for sale, mayor.
My future or yours, James?
The lights fade.
Oh, Mayor Thompson.
I wasn't aware we had an appointment.
Complication? What do you mean?
Don't pretend to care about my father's legacy.
I cared for him, cared for him.
And I care about you.
The vultures are circling already on him.
Oh, does he now?
He has no right to pry into our affairs.
What gives-- What gives him--
What gives you the right?
What? What?
What gives you the right?
What? What gives you the right?
What gives you the right, Dan?
Ah!
Ew.
Mm-kay.
Wakey, wakey.
Did you pee on me?
What? No. Dan, you peed on yourself.
What the fuck is going on?
Uh, not much.
Just having a cup of tea
and wondering what this was for.
That's cleaning fluid.
Mm.
It smells pretty strong.
Mm-hmm.
It is strong. It's very strong.
Because that window is filthy.
And so I thought that I would...
- Knock it unconscious? - Yeah.
Wait. No. What? What?
Unconscious?
What are you fucking talking about?
I was also curious about these.
Those are supplies.
Those are my-- Those are my supplies for stuff.
This place is falling apart.
And what about the rocks in the boat?
What are they for?
My boat rocks?
I was collecting them for--
I saw you, you dumbass!
Okay. What is going on? What are you doing?
Why do you have a taser, Lisa?!
Lisa, let me go! Lisa, let me go!
Ahh!
Fuck you. Yah!
Ha ha ha!
God damn it!
Oh! Oh!
Okay. Alright. Really?
Really cute. Hey, hey. Let's take--
Let's act like adults and have a conversation.
Okay? You don't even know how to use that thing.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey! Hey! Enough!
Lisa, enough! Lisa! Stop it!
I think you were gonna knock me unconscious,
strangle me with that,
take me out to the boat,
tie me to the bag of rocks you hid in there,
sink me to the bottom of the lake.
Am I close?
The only thing I don't know is what this guy is for.
What's the saw for, Dan?
I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
And I think-- Okay, okay. Hey, hey.
Okay.
Bodies can float.
They can resurface if you don't...
cut them up.
Youwere gonna cut me up?
As if.
You can't even touch raw meat.
Then what?
You were just gonna tell people
that I just wandered off into the woods and never came back?
Fuck, you're really dumb.
You're the dumbest person on Earth.
Why do you want to kill me anyway?
What sick reason do you have?
Why do you fucking think, Miss Ceviche?
When did you find out?
I saw you.
Want a little tip?
If you don't want to get caught cheating,
maybe don't fuck a Peruvian at a party
that your husband is also at.
You were gonna kill and dismember me
because I slept with someone else?
Dan...
you haven't touched me in two years.
The last time we had sex, we didn't even have sex.
We just jerked off next to each other.
'Cause all you do is fucking criticize me!
You make me feel so small.
Like I'm nothing.
Do you think that I need help with that?
Do you think that every day I don't wake up feeling
like a piece of shit?
And everything sounds so mean in your stupid fucking accent.
It's like British crossed with the devil.
I wanted a wife, not to be married to my mother.
And I wanted a man, not some 40-year-old toddler.
I wanted someone responsible who had their shit together.
I thought marrying someone 10 years older,
they'd be fucking mature.
But, no, I'm stuck with a giant shitting baby.
How'd you like that in my accent?
Fuck! You are so pathetic. - I'm gonna fucking...
You are pathetic and your plan sucks!
My plan, on the other hand...
magnifico.
And what was your plan?
Not was, bloody is.
- Hunting? - Yes, I know.
I'm begging him not to, but he's so excited about it.
He insists on us doing it to help us, like, bond.
Oh, my God, that is so Dan.
I mean, why would he think you'd be into that?
I don't know. You know how much I hate guns.
So dangerous. Anything could happen.
- Hey! - Aah! Fucking Christ!
Just a few more leaves, then I'm done.
Okay. Thanks, Henry. I'll PayPal you.
Thank you.
- Okay. See ya. - Oh.
Okay.
Bye.
Henry.
He went to Dan's high school and prison.
Yeah. Anyway, Dan helps him out.
We pay him to do chores and stuff.b
Oh, my God, this is such an amazing house.
I have no idea why you'd want to move.
Yeah. You know, just time for a change.
♪ Leave me alone
- Hey, Dan. - Hey. Hey, Rachel.
Happy hunting. Pew, pew!
I didn't want to go.
I kept telling you, hunting was a crazy idea.
Everyone knows how much I hate guns.
Everything was fine until it started getting dark.
I went for a walk.
And I guess the safety must not have been on.
Because suddenly I tripped...
...and your head splattered all over the place.
What the fuck?
Your big plan is to just shoot me?
That is honestly so fucked up. - You just tried to kill me!
Yes, but I was being nice about it.
By-- By strangling me.
After cooking you a lovely meal.
Oh, okay.
And you wouldn't have felt anything.
You would have been unconscious.
The only thing you would have felt is the rush of euphoria
that accompanies cerebral hypoxia,
which I know about because I did research.
Because I am considerate.
Yeah, you're real considerate.
I'm feeling real turned on right now.
Should we renew our vows? Fucking do it on the table?
Okay, you know what? Whatever.
It doesn't matter. Your plan's never gonna work.
And why's that?
Because, Lisa...
you... are a terrible fucking actress.
Fuck you.
You're rigid, you lack presence,
and you're too fucking big.
Fuck you.
You know it's true.
And the cops are never gonna buy your bullshit.
Because they're gonna see exactly what I've seen
for the past seven years.
Somebody just pretending to care.
Ha ha.
Like you can do any better.
What's happening?
I don't know what happened.
She should have been back by now.
I told her it was too dangerous. Can you please do something?
Can you please-- Can you please help?
You have to call somebody.
Please. Quick! He's still breathing.
Look, she's not just gone. I refuse to accept that.
Oh, my God, there's so much blood.
Oh, Lisa!
Oh, my sweet and beautiful Lisa.
Stay with me, Dan!
Don't walk into the light!
Oh, heaven has another angel.
You have so much life to live.
- Oh, God. - Don't go. Don't go.
Oh, God, come down from heaven and save her!
- Heaven isn't ready for you! - Oh, God!
Oh, God! She was so beautiful in life.
I can only hope in death, her beauty survived!
Come on, come on.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, baby!
- Damn it! - Like Benedict fucking Cum--
Fuck! Ow!
- You know what? - Ow!
Maybe the gun went off inside the house.
Okay. Hey, let's-- let's just talk about this.
I'm done talking.
It's time to say goodbye.
No, Lisa...
it's hammer time.
What?
I'm saying...
it's hammer time.
What are you talking about?
I'm just saying... it's hammer time.
Now.
Now. Now!
Now is hammer time.
Now! For fuck's sake, Henry! Hit her with the hammer!
Oh!
Sorry, that was so unclear.
Where the fuck have you been?
It's hammer time!
Whoo! Aah!
Why did you want to meet here?
It's a theme park. It's fun.
- It's loud! - Exactly. It's less suspicious.
Jesus fucking Christ, man.
Also, I think there's a dance show later.
- I don't give a shit, Henry. - Hey, don't be rude.
You're the one who needs me. Don't forget that.
Yeah, I know. Just-- Just for the later part.
That's the bit that I... - Man, that's the easy part.
You know, I'm more than happy to take care of the...
No.
I have to do that. - Alright.
Now, about my compensation...
She's insured for $100,000.
You get half. - Yeah.
But, like...
In addition,
I would also like for us to hang out more.
Okay, okay. Okay, man. Sure.
And... I'd like to have it in writing.
You'd like to have it in writing?
Yeah.
You'd like to have a written document
on how we're going to murder my wife?
I...would.
I'm not having this fucking conversation, Henry.
Be there on time!
You're lucky I'll be there at all.
I got shit to do, man.
Everybody dance!
Wakey, wakey.
Fuck!
My turn to ask some questions.
- Oh. - Don't waste your strength.
I think you'll find that tape is quite--
God damn it! Hey! Stop! Henry, grab her!
- Stop! Seriously, stop! - What the fuck is he doing here?
Wrap her up!
Fuck! Get off me! Fucking Gronk!
Oh, I knew you didn't have the balls to do this yourself.
You have to get Henry to do it. Fucking Henry!
Hey! Don't not be nice.
And for your information, he does have the balls.
He's the one doing the killing. - That's enough.
I'm only doing the second part
because blood makes Dan uncomfortable.
Henry.
What reason could you possibly have for wanting to kill me?
- You fucking kidding me? - I knew it.
You can't even think of a single--
You're controlling. You're weak, you're insecure.
You pushed me to quit my job
where I was making real money so I could focus on acting,
and you didn't even fucking help me do that.
You didn't even give me a tiny role in your movie.
Did you? No. You could have.
You lost all our money, Dan.
You lost the car. You lost the house.
You lost fucking everything.
All I wanted was to be loved and supported.
But instead, you fucked both of our futures up.
Now, even if I divorce you, I'll never get away from the debt.
There it is.
The insurance money.
Yeah, Dan, that's the only reason.
The money. - Right.
You kill me and... - I'm finally free.
- Well, that's weird. - What is weird?
- Nothing. - Nah, man.
The insurance money is coincidence.
- Shut up, Henry. - That's why we're killing you.
- Henry, stop talking. - Huh.
Dario, huh?
Yeah, well... two birds.
I'm getting half, 50 thou.
I'm gonna buy an RV.
- Wait. What? - Shut up, Henry!
- Hey, Henry! Wait! - Hey, enough.
- Wait! - Enough. You shut up!
And you shut your mouth!
You shut up! You shut your mouth!
Henry! Henry! Henry! The policy is for a mill--
Okay. Okay.
Okay. I did it, and...
Yep, it's happening now.
And it's different than how I thought...
Oh, boy. It'll be over soon.
Dan.
- Yes. - Take the bag off.
What the fuck are you doing? Henry!
Take it off. Let her talk.
Henry, I'm in the middle of something right now.
Do it!
Fine. Is that what you want? Are you happy?
Henry. Henry, listen to me.
The policy is for a million... dollars
You lied to me?
No. Absolutely not. You misheard me.
Yeah, he lied to you, but I will give you half.
Oh, fuck you.
- Yep, 500 grand. - 500 grand.
You just shoot him in the fucking face!
- Alright. - 750.
Henry, just shoot her. Shoot her!
- 750? - All of it.
- All of it? - I will give you $1 million.
Well, now you know she's lying.
Henry, shoot her in the head,
and then we'll take the boat out!
- With fishing? - With fishing.
- The boat-- The boat. - I...
I will set you up with one of my friends.
- Rachel? - Yeah. Rachel. Yes.
- For fuck's sake. - She likes you.
Aah!
You're not my buddy! You lied.
Give me the gun, you fucking psycho!
You never wanted to be my friend.
♪ I wonder why I love you like I do ♪
Grow up! Fuck!
Okay, guys...
I think we all--
♪ I wonder why
♪ I love you like I do
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
- Jesus Christ! - Oh, my God.
- What did you do? - What did Ido?
You pulled the trigger.
You were holding the fucking barrel.
Oh, can you just for once admit when you're wrong?
I am not wrong.
I was holding the gun like this. - Yeah.
♪ Wah wah wah, wah-wah-wah! ♪
Ah! God damn it!
Oof!
Ah!
Okay. Okay.
- Oh, shit! - Aah!
Aaaaaah!
My fucking foot!
You stabbed my fucking foot!
- Ha ha! - Uhh!
Aah! Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck you!
Fuck!
Oh! Ow ow ow ow!
That's your favorite movie?
Rock.
Oh!
Ahh.
Cornflakes. You want?
As the manhunt has expanded further to the north,
police again are seeking any information
as to the whereabouts of Correctional Officer
Allegra Danvers and two convicted killers,
Peter Jacob Hughes and Todd James Templeton.
What a dork. Stupid fucking hat.
Yes. Ah! Oh!
Oh, God! Oh! Ah!
You savage! You dirty pig! You dirty pig!
Who's my filthy little piggy?
And say you love me.
- Sure. - Oh!
Penguins.
So we stay here for a couple of days till things mellow out.
Then we try to find a car.
Dressed like this?
This guy's clothes suck.
I don't know. I like a big wooly sweater.
It's kind of cozy.
Shit!
Can you get the groceries, please?
I say we jump 'em.
What if more people show up?
Oh, boys.
- Shit! Fuck me! - Pete!
Where's the key?
It's right where you're reaching, on top of the door.
No, it's not.
Hurry!
It's wine o'clock, motherfucker.
Ha ha ha!
Baby, can't we just kill them?
We lay low. We ride it out.
Just be patient.
Where are you going?
I have to pee.
- Here you go. - Don't give her...
Thanks, Toddy.
You're welcome.
You can't just hold it?
I'm not gonna piss in my pants.
I have dignity.
I'm bored.
I said I'm bored.
Correct. This is boring.
Be bored, honey.
Let's, like, do something.
What do you want to do? You want to play charades?
I'll play Charades.
Okay.
I wasn't being...
- I'll go first. - Movie.
Nose.
Scissors. Scissors.
Two words, Todd.
Nose. A heart.
Heart. Your heart.
Heart. Heart you?
Your sweater. Your heart.
Me. Me. Me.
Heart. Me heart.
Me! Me heart!
Shut the fuck up!
It's her favorite movie.
Nose.
Shh! Hey, there's another one coming.
Rock your baby. Pet your baby.
Um... - This one's fucking weird.
- "Babe"! Pig in the city! - No.
- "Throw Momma from the Train." - No!
"Mommy Dearest."
"Harry Potter."
- No. - Just shut up.
He's almost got it, Pete.
You're being so discouraging.
Why are you so discouraging?
- Shut the fuck up! - You shut the fuck up!
Uhh!
Oh, shit!
- "Mamma Mia"! - Yes!
Oh! Ow.
That's your favorite movie?
Wakey, wakey.
What the fuck?
What is on the steak?
Huh?
Is it some kind of special pepper?
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
I told you. It was pepper.
You guessed it.
Delicious. Mmm.
It's very good, this pepper.
It's from-- from Ohio.
Oh! Go, Buckeyes!
I'm sorry.
Um, who are you?
I'm Pete. That's Allegra.
It's Italian.
Good afternoon. - The big guy's Todd.
You shot me in the ass.
Now, normally in a conversation,
this is where I'd ask for your names.
But in my experience, it's better to keep you dehumanized.
So for now, let's call you...
Ron and Hermione.
- Say again. - Ron and Hermione.
Ron...
Hermione, I hate to overstep,
but it seems like you guys have some marital issues.
Who did this guy piss off?
Oh. Him. He did that.
Excuse me. Wedid that.
He pulled the trigger.
We discussed this.
I may have been holding the barrel, but you came up--
Ronald Weasley.
He was try--
It was an accident.
How did it feel?
It was pretty good. Right?
When the lights go out,
there's just nothing else there.
It's just... There's just nothing.
That's it.
That's cool. Right?
What do you want?
Fine. No small talk.
For the past seven years,
my colleague Todd and I were wards of the state
until we were granted early and unofficial parole.
Now-- - Because we're in love.
What?
Well, if you're gonna tell the story,
don't skip out on the best part.
I was a corrections officer.
I helped him escape because we're in love.
Isn't that right?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, yeah.
We're in love.
Anyhow, our plan has bumped up against a liquidity problem,
and what we require now is cash.
My wallet is right upstairs. You can...
Believe it or not, it did occur to us
to check your wallet and purse.
And we're very appreciative of the 53 whole dollars we found.
Okay, but, um, there's another $200.
$200 in the, uh, ceramic pot in the office upstairs.
Just take it. Take it and go.
- My God. - And we're not gonna say...
Aren't you hospitable?
And if we were looking to purchase a high-end blender,
why, we'd be well on our way.
But we require more than that.
Thoughts?
We don't have anything else.
I swear to God, we don't have anything.
Ron, do you really expect me to believe you spent
your last dime on special pepper?
He did. He does that. He's bullshit with money.
- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not. - We're broke because you
had to pretend you were rich. - In our industry--
In our industry, it's important to keep up appearances.
And so-- - It's not a thing.
- Can you not do this right now? - Hey. - What?
Your purse had to be Louis Vuitton.
Large knife! Large knife! Large knife!
Honey.
Can I... Can I take a stab at this?
I'll trade you.
Thank you.
Todd, circle up.
Cool.
Please. No, no, no, no, no,
please, please, please, please, don't.
Oh, my God, please don't. Please don't.
Fuck. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Whatever I did, I'm so sorry.
Oh, fucking relax!
You know what the worst part about working in a prison is?
It's the night shift. It's so boring.
Everybody's asleep.
There's no action,
there's no contraband searches, and it's just quiet.
And so me and a couple of the guards, we got together,
and we-- we got it in our minds
to, um, play this really fun game.
- Honey. - What?
Can you...
Why are you always micromanaging me?
It's fun. I want to have fun.
I'm having fun, too.
Anyway... super easy to learn.
We just go and grab a couple of guys
and we would drag them out of their cells,
down to the laundry room where it was nice and quiet,
and then draw this big circle around them,
and then we would see who could fuck who first.
No, no, no, no, no.
And the winner would get a pack of cigarettes.
And the loser, well, the loser would just get fucked.
No.
No, I don't-- I don't want to.
Of course you don't want to!
That's the whole point is you don't wanna.
If you don't want to play the game, you don't have to play.
Thank God.
You just tell us where your money's at.
No, listen, please. I'm not--
Okay. - Unh-unh-unh.
Oh. Right, I understand. Sorry.
I understand.
I'm not lying to you. Please.
I respect you, I respect you.
I wouldn't lie to you. We don't have any money.
Please. Please don't do this to me.
Oh, my God.
You know you have a fighting chance
because you got a couple inches on him.
And the good news is, Todd now has a handicap.
Because you shot me in the ass.
But the bad news is,
he's gotten really good at playing this game.
We don't have to do this.
Listen to me. We don't have to do this.
We can think of another solution.
Let's think of another way.
We'll all think of a way. - Todd, honey, are you ready?
- Hold on. - What the fuck?
- Alright, let's go. - Ron...
I'm not ready. I don't want to do it.
Fucking hold on, please. Just wait.
Let's just stop doing this.
- On your marks. - No! I said I'm not ready!
- Get set! - Stop! Don't fucking do this!
Play ball!
Oh, my God!
I don't have any money!
I overdrew my account months ago!
What?
- Please, please, please. - Ron, you're out of the circle!
They never stay in the circle.
Oh, fuck. Please, I'll do anything.
It's gonna get messy.
No, please.
Please, please, please, please, please, please.
Aah!
I want to watch your eyes when it first goes in.
Oh, we got a wiggler. We got a wiggler.
Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up!
Why do you have that? - What?
That, uh, the movie poster.
Are you just a big fan or something?
It's my film. I directed--
I directed it.
- You directed that? - Yes.
Dude, are you fucking with me?
No, I swear to God, I'm not.
- You fucking directed that? - Yes.
- I love that movie! - He loves that movie.
You saw it?
Oh, my God, I've seen it multiple times.
In the theater?
No, I've been in prison. What are you talking about?
On movie night. - Movie night.
- We saw it together. - Movie night.
Oh, but, honey, that's a good movie.
You love that movie.
That's a very fucking good movie.
It's solid.
You know, one thing I did think,
at the end,
the main guy is kind of a pussy,
but you're rooting for him.
He should have sacrificed himself.
I know.
Producers wanted a happy ending,
so I had to give them what they wanted.
Oh, no.
You wanted to do the... - Yes.
And they...
Oh!
It's your movie, not theirs.
You have to fight for that shit.
I know.
But seriously, you got a real voice.
It's good stuff.
- Thank you. - You know what I'm saying?
I do. It means a lot coming from you.
Okay. Alright. As you were.
What? No! Fuck! Oh, God. No, no, no!
Lisa, do something! Lisa, do something!
- No. - Please don't do this to me.
Fuck.
- What's the issue? - Hold on.
- Oh, yeah. Here we go. - No, no, no!
- Here we go. - Oh, God, ohh!
Give me a second. Here we go.
Nah.
Sorry, guys.
What the fuck, Todd?
Can we just get this over with?
No. No, no.
Ah!
Fuck! Please. Please, please.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes!
Don't be rude. Say goodbye to your wife.
No, please don't.
Say goodbye to your fucking wife!
Say goodbye.
Goodbye.
Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Okay, I have money.
I have money. I have 50 grand.
I've been setting it aside.
There's a bank-- There's a bank in town.
When it opens, you can have it.
You can have all of it.
Just fucking don't touch us, either of us.
Okay. Deal.
Well, that wasn't so hard now, was it?
Again... big fan.
This marks the second year...
- G-- Eh! - I have to...
I have to dig in it. - Ah!
In other news, a raccoon by the name of Felix
has been seen all over Southfield
on top of people's cars.
Dan?
Dan.
How did we get here?
I was so in love with you.
When we found each other, I thought, um...
...I thought...
we'd always be a team,
that we would take on the world together,
that...
that we'd have a good life.
I don't know what happened.
It got so ugly.
And then, um...
...Dario.
I don't even know why I did it.
I think maybe I wanted to get caught.
I think I wanted you to fight for us.
I'm so sorry.
Whatever.
They're gonna kill us anyway.
Okay.
Tomorrow we take her to the bank,
get the money, kill them both,
drive south, find a spot to ditch the car,
cross the border.
You're just gonna ditch the car?
Well, yeah.
Stolen car stuffed with dead bodies, so...
It's a really nice car, and it could be helpful.
You don't care about that?
- Uh... - You just--
You don't care that that car has been nothing
but helpful to us in our escape?
Like, where's the respect for that?
Where's the-- the basic level of human decency?
It's a Volvo.
What I'm saying is we can get rid of it
because we won't have any use for it.
I'm just saying, Pete, that if you get rid of that automobile
like it's a piece of fucking trash,
you better be careful that it doesn't come back
and just burn your fucking dick off.
How?
Hello?! Hey!
- What are you doing? - Hey! Hey!
Can you go see what the fuck's going on?
I gotta deal with her.
- Hello?! - Yeah.
Hey! Hello!
Can somebody come down?!
What do you want, Ron Weasley?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Ah, you piss in your fucking pants.
It's number two.
Oh.
Hey, are they allowed to take dumps?!
Yeah, fine!
Alright.
Yeah. - Oh, fuck.
Oh, God. God. Okay, okay.
You're not gonna do anything dumb now, are you?
No. I just have to take a shit.
Okay? I swear to God. Please, please.
- Alright. - Fuck.
Okay. - Get up.
Okay.
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Eh...
Hmm? Hmm? - You got me.
Go on.
Go potty.
You're not allowed to touch me.
But I'm not touching you.
I'm not touching you.
Boop, boop.
I'm not touching you.
Come on out, Weasley.
Hey. Hey, what the fuck?
Oh!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Hey, hey.
- Okay. - Shh.
Okay. Wait a minute.
What? Dan! Fuck!
- Shh. - Da--
Okay.
I'm sorry, baby.
Baby...
Where's my baby?
Hmm? Where's my baby girl?
Is that my baby girl?
Hmm?
Shit.
Okay. Okay.
That's my baby girl.
Oh, you're such an asshole.
Oh.
Fuck me! Fuck me!
Oh, you fucking pig, do it now.
Todd, are we good?!
Fuck me.
- Fuck. - Todd?
- Oh, God. He's fine. - Are we good?
Todd! - I'm sure he's fine.
God damn it!
Todd! - He's fine.
Todd?
What the fuck? - Oh, my God.
Todd.
Hey. Look at me.
What happened?
- Weasley hit me with a sock. - With what?
- A sock? - Yeah.
Fuck!
She can't be far.
Todd, you take the road.
I'll take the forest.
Okay.
Shit.
Okay. Okay. Shit. Okay.
Okay. Shit. Come on. Okay.
Okay, okay. Um... Um...
Um... Um...
Okay.
Dang it!
Peekaboo.
I see you.
Drop it.
What you got in your other hand there?
- Oh. Nothing. - Give it over.
- I was... - Shut up!
Okay, okay.
Boop!
Remember the money.
No, no, no, no, no, no. See, that deal's over.
You guys hit me in the head,
so now you've gotta fucking die.
Those are the rules.
Rules? What-- What fucking rules?
Okay, okay. Please. You don't have to do this.
That's what everybody says.
Please. We can figure something out.
- And they say that, too.
Listen, listen.
Listen, okay, 'cause there's something--
There's something you don't know.
I'm pregnant. - Ah.
I'm 12.5 weeks. It's a little girl.
Mmmm... no.
Bullshit.
I swear I'm not lying. I swear.
Nah, you would have said something before.
I couldn't say anything before because...
I had an affair. Okay?
And it's not my husband's.
Oh.
Poor old Ron Weasley.
I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him.
Please, just let me go. Please.
She didn't do anything to anyone.
Please. Please don't kill my baby.
Fine.
I just won't shoot you in the stomach.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Aah! - Please, no!
Oh. Oh, shit!
Ah!
Ah! God.
Fuck off!
You go there!
Aaaahhh!
Ah! My eyes!
Fucking hell! Oh, shit!
Aah!
Ooh!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Okay!
Okay. Aaaah!
Fuck! Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Oh, oh, whole thing. Okay.
Die, you cunt!
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Okay. - Ah!
- Oh! Fucking hell! Okay. - Ah!
Uhhhhh--
Dumbledore.
I caught the snitch.
Todd!
Boat keys, boat keys. Come on.
Oh, fuck.
- Go, go, go, go. - Okay, okay, okay. Shit.
Todd!
Oh, my God!
Oh, no! Oh, my God! Toddy?!
Toddy?! Oh, no!
Why would anybody do this?
He was such a great person.
Oh, I'm gonna kill you, you motherfuckers!
- Dan, come on. - Okay.
Fuck.
This is all my fault.
You're right.
I didn't fight for you.
I didn't fight for us.
Outside.
When things started falling apart with us,
I got so scared.
I just felt like such a failure.
And I didn't know how to stop it...
...how to fix it.
So I just gave up, I think.
I'm so sorry.
- Hey. - They're coming.
I want you to get to the boat.
I want you to run.
- What about you? - It's not important.
I know that you're pregnant, and I know it's not mine.
I don't care.
- No, no, no, Dan-- - Shh.
It's funny. After all this fucking shit,
when I heard you, my first thought, I wasn't mad.
I was really excited.
No, Dan, I was lying.
- What? - I had to stall him.
- You're not pregnant? - No.
- At all? - Not even a little bit.
Lisa...
that was the best fucking acting I've ever seen.
Yeah?
Gotcha.
Ah!
Fucking bitch!
Sorry, sweetheart.
Uhh!
Oh!
Oh! Oh, my...
Oh!
It's broken!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Let's go.
Fucking nail him!
He hurt my back. Fucking asshole!
- Aah! - Uhh!
I'm sorry.
Remember me?
This is what happens when you fuck with...
- Todd. - Todd!
Yes! My name is Todd.
- Aah! - Oh!
Fucking hold her.
Let me tell you something, Ron Weasley.
You kill enough people,
it honestly starts to get a bit boring.
Like in a relationship,
the key is finding ways to keep things fresh.
Isn't that right, honey?
- Aaaaaah! - Dan!
Stay.
I've stabbed, choked, smothered,
melted my old scoutmaster with acid.
It was more trouble than it was worth.
Very hard to get acid.
But one thing I've never done
is shove someone's face into a lawnmower.
Come on.
So thank you for this!
- No. - Oh, shut up and watch.
Go ahead, honey.
No, please. No, no, please!
Please, please, please.
- Isn't this fun? - Fuck, no!
Please! Please!
We're trying something new together.
Please, please. Please!
Shut the fuck up!
Aah!
He's not gonna have a face.
Aah, fuck!
Aah!
Shit.
Who fucked up my window?
♪ Chickity china, the chinese chicken ♪
♪ You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking ♪
Hmm.
Well, that don't look right.
Mm.
Oh.
What the fuck?
Oh.
Michael Burton speaking.
Mike, can you hear me?
It's Carl Marshall, down by the lake.
- Carl? - Yeah.
I'm just phoning to say, Mike,
that I was driving past your place,
and, uh, I had to go
to the 24-hour convenience store, you know?
So, Mike, I took the back way.
You know, I prefer the back way to the front.
Potato starch and some tomatoes.
Carl. What is this about?
Oh. I'm sorry.
I was driving past your place and--
- One second, Mike. One second. - Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
Okay, so...
One of your pots was out on the front lawn.
- What? - And also,
one of your windows was smashed.
Look, Carl. Goodbye, Carl.
Mike?
Mike?!
That fucking kid.
Whoa, whoa, Mr. Burton.
I need you to go back to your room.
I'm sorry, Kevin, I gotta go.
There's a problem up at my cabin.
Mr. Burton, please.
Give me your fucking car keys, man.
Don't wait up.
Fuck, yeah.
Oh, fuck me!
What is this shit?
What the fuck?
No. No. No. No.
Jesus Christ!
♪ Welcome to Ibiza!
Turn music off!
You motherfucker!
What? You gotta be kidding me.
Kevin, you asshole!
Hey, cupcake. Fill it up.
No, thanks.
♪ When I party, I fuck like this, like this ♪
♪ When I party, I fuck like this ♪
Yeah, yeah.
Turn it up!
- ♪ When I party, I fuck like this ♪ - Dan?
Shit.
Who fucked up my window?
Baby!
- Dad?! - Dan.
Are you broken?
So who are these dusty cunts?
Who the fuck are you?
Can you hear me?
Oh, hey. Hey, hey!
Stay the fuck back, old man.
I'll slit her fucking throat!
You good, Lis?
Mm-hmm.
Toddy!
Alright.
Who's next?
Is it you?
- Dad! Look out! - Ugh!
No!
Die, you fucking ape!
Aah!
Oh! Oh, my God!
- Oh. - Fuck!
Oh!
You gonna die, old man?
No.
I'm gonna eat your nose.
Oh!
I'm gonna get ya!
Dad!
Run, Danny.
Your nose tastes like shit.
Dan. Get in the car.
No! Fucking come on!
What the fuck is happening?!
Dad! Dad!
Ugh! Ugh!
Come on! Come on!
Oh!
Lisa.
Lisa, wake up.
Lisa. Lisa, wake up.
Lisa.
- Uhh. - Lisa?
Ah. Oh, ho.
What? Okay.
That's okay, that's okay.
Hey!
It goes right there.
He shot off my-- my hair.
What-- Does it look-- Does it look okay?
How does it look?
It looks fine.
You know what? I actually think it looks good.
Okay.
- Let's focus. - Okay.
- Right here. - Okay.
I need you to get to the boat.
Okay? - Okay.
Okay?
Where are you going?
I have to go take care of something.
Hold on. I don't want to lie to you.
I don't want to lie to you ever again, okay?
I want to start communicating honestly.
The whole side of your head looks like shit.
It looks like a total nightmare.
I don't want to repress things anymore.
Dan, Dan, I appreciate what you're trying to do,
I really do, but now is not the fucking time!
Right, right. Okay, let's fucking go.
Okay.
I'm in so much pain! Ow!
Ow! Ah!
Okay. We just gotta wrap this up.
Okay?
Honey, help me up.
Nah, I'm good.
Wait, what?
Uh, I think we should break up.
- What? - Yeah.
It's just not working out for me.
What are you talking about?
It was-- It's just a setback.
Ah, you motherfucker!
Oh, you're a fucking coward!
You fucking piece of shit!
I will cut your fucking dick off, shithead!
Motherfucker!
Fucking piece of shit asshole!
Shit. Oh, my God.
I knew I shouldn't have left my fucking job.
Ohh!
Oh, that goes over there.
That goes there. Okay.
Ewwww, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Okay. That's good. Okay.
Oh, God!
Ow! Uhh!
Oh! That's better. That's better.
Ooh, that's better.
Shit! Fuck you!
Okay.
God damn it! Work!
We've got ourselves a wiggler.
No! Wait.
Don't shoot.
I'd like my sweater back.
Wait. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I wasn't in my right mind.
I was being manipulated. I was totally brainwashed.
I didn't see you as human.
But we are. I'm human. You're human.
I see you now.
Please let me go.
I'll just run away into the woods
and we'll never know this happened.
Fuck!
You-- You fucking piece of shit!
Oh, my God, you're not gonna kill a cop!
Go ahead. Make my day, asshole.
Kill a federal officer!
That's what I am.
They'll all come after you.
You motherfucker, titty-sucking, 2-balled bitch.
I fucking dare--
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Jesus Christ!
Okay. Come on, you fucking thing.
Yes.
Where are we going?
Dan!!
Oof!
Where is this fucking bank?
Aren't you gonna go back for your girlfriend?
Were you just gonna ditch her?
Technically, we broke up.
She was a lot.
You met her. - Yeah.
Here's the plan, Hermione.
You're gonna clean yourself up,
go into the bank, get my 50 grand,
or I kill you
and leave you in the trunk of a car like my sister!
Uhh!
I'm gonna kill you, you fucking piece of shit!
Motherfucker!
- Aah! - Fuck! Ow.
Hey, asshole!
Eat shit!
Wow!
You two deserve each other.
Ugh!
New plan.
Now you can watch me do what you were too big of a pussy to do,
which is kill your fucking wife.
Get... the fuck...
away... from my wife!
Come on!
Oh! Oh!
I really did like your movie.
A shame there's not gonna be a sequel.
Aah!
Ohh!
Fuck you guys.
Oh! Dan!
It's okay.
No!
Come on!
Police will be here soon.
I found your fingers.
Thanks.
Hey.
I'm sorry I tried to kill you.
I'm sorry I tried to kill you, too.
So what now?
We're just right back to where we started?
Still broke.
Still gonna lose everything?
Still got all our shit to deal with.
So let's deal with it.
Okay.
But specifically how?
You know? Like, do you have an idea?
Yeah.
I got an idea.
♪ Everybody's got a secret to hide ♪
Can you tell us what happened in there?
I don't even really know.
It's just such a blur.
Well, we just came for a vacation.
Next thing we knew,
we were attacked by this group of very, very angry people.
Were there any other survivors?
Just my beautiful husband.
You know, at some point, you realize
you don't care about yourself. I just...
I wanted to make sure that my wife was okay.
Dan's father, a retired Marine.
Has struck a chord with people across the country.
Lisa Burton, the miraculous survivors
of the cabin attack.
You must have been terrified.
How did you survive?
I guess in a word...
Love.
Freak bitch!
Yeah. Love.
Aw, I love that.
And I hear Hollywood is making this story into a movie.
Is that right?
Yes.
We're finally gonna get make a film together.
And this is gonna be streaming?
It is. It's for streaming.
- Which is fine. - Yeah.
Everything's on streaming these days.
- It's just as good. - Better.
Well, congratulations, you guys.
Give it up for Dan and Lisa.
It really happened to them.
What the hell do you want from us?
Just a little cash, baby.
I'm gonna make you beg, bitch.
And I'm gonna have some fun with you, boy.
Hold him down.
You ready, Ron?
No.
Ow, my balls!
Rack 'em up.
Ow, my balls.
Let's get the hell out of here.
And cut!
Was that okay?
Kamil, it was great.
- Are you sure? - I'm sure. Yeah.
Yeah. You were great.
- Oh, no. - Dan. Dan, dan.
Can we try just one more?
No.
We're good.
♪ Are you coming back for me?
♪ Hope you're coming back for me ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm
♪ Coming back for me
♪ Hope you're coming back for me ♪
♪ I always want you here
♪ And I'm trying to find a reason ♪
♪ But I only want to hear
♪ Coming back for me
♪ Hope you're coming back for me ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm
♪ Coming back for me?
♪ Hope you're coming back for me ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm
♪ For now, I know I'm on my own ♪
♪ Until the day you call me home ♪
♪ For now, I know I'm on my own ♪
♪ Until the day you call me home ♪
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm
♪ Fuck like this
♪ When I party, I fuck like this ♪
♪ Mut luotiin kulkemaan
♪ Yksinaista matkaa
♪ Missa kohdataan
♪ Ja missa luovutaan
♪ Saanut oon kantaa
♪ Kovin turhaa taakkaa
♪ Siita millainen
♪ Mina ole en
♪ Whoa, oh, oh
♪ Mut en aio yrittaa
♪ Whoa, oh, oh
♪ Vaariin kenkiin enaa
♪ Whoa, oh, oh
♪ Oon usein tehnyt sen
♪ Jonkun toisen tahden
♪ Mut luotiin kulkemaan
♪ Hiljaista matkaa
♪ Missa kadotaan
♪ Jonnekkin sieluunsa
♪ Saanut oon kantaa
♪ Niin monenlaisia
♪ Vaikeita tunteita
♪ Whoa, oh, oh
♪ Mutten aio yrittaa
♪ Whoa, oh, oh
♪ Vaariin kenkiin enaa