1 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,186 'Sup, baby? 2 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:19,997 Let's do some liquor science. 3 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,208 Um, hey, Rick. 4 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,460 Rick! 5 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,088 Rick! Are you ignoring me? 6 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,133 Hey! Hello! Rick! 7 00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,718 Did you go deaf? 8 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,137 No, no, no, no, no! 9 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,888 Oh, my God! 10 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,147 -Morty! What the fuck? -I didn't... I didn't mean to! 11 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,690 What the fuck?! 12 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,153 Tell me why you ignored a sign that said "do not disturb." 13 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,904 I... It's not important. 14 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,532 It better be. You just destroyed my distillery! 15 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,410 So either it's an emergency, or it's important. 16 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,454 And it better be real fuckin' important 17 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,999 because this was the most important thing to me today. 18 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,961 So what did you come down here for? 19 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:12,424 I was wondering if you could drive me to pick up some Pokémon cards. 20 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,427 I'm sorry. 21 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,888 Have you ever seen me happy, Morty? 22 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,307 What? Uh, I mean, not really. 23 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,184 Well, I've been happy in my life. 24 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,394 And, look, there's no point on the chart 25 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,647 where my joy intersects with your presence. 26 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:27,773 Then why hang out with me? 27 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,858 I don't know. When I found you, you were bait. 28 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,402 When I killed that fish, maybe I should have cut the line. 29 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,030 Because all I have now is a fucking worm. 30 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:39,242 You told me that wasn't true. You're just trying to hurt me. 31 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,412 Morty, no. I meant... 32 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,331 Fuck! 33 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,291 God damn it. 34 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,502 This would be the perfect time for a drink. 35 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,412 Pressure reader, fermentation chamber, copper lining. 36 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,580 Wow, Morty blew all this up? 37 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,208 -What's a mash tun? -Just get an empty beer keg for that. 38 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,043 I'll also need 60-gallon drums. 39 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,837 Okay. Up front, I'm gonna buy myself some shit 40 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,296 since I'm running your errand. 41 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,590 -Deal. -Can I get a little surprise? 42 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,884 No. The Amex automatically blocks you, Jerry. 43 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,553 How does it know I'm using the card? 44 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,012 Because of the kind of stuff you buy. 45 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:42,139 What do I buy? 46 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,557 -Dumb stuff. -Dumb stuff. 47 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,768 Computer, replace potato. 48 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,271 The only Grimaldian potato in the galaxy 49 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,107 -is here. -God damn it! 50 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,486 -Let's go. -No, thanks. 51 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,571 You're just gonna yell at me. 52 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,614 Morty, what if I told you I have a thing that'll make it 53 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,366 so you never hear me scream at you again? 54 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:04,369 Wait. For real? What kind of thing? 55 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,621 Rick, what the hell?! 56 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,961 Rick, what did you do? 57 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,463 It's a Sympathid, a species 58 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,381 that generates unlimited empathy in its hosts. 59 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:17,841 No matter what I say or do, 60 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,593 the Sympathid will gloss over it 61 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,470 like a Disney edit of a slasher movie. 62 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:24,055 Here, watch. You're a worthless piece of shit, Morty! 63 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,557 -I'm so disappointed in you. -Rick, fuck you! 64 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,017 I can still hear you screaming. 65 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,312 Okay, it must need to burrow a little bit deeper. 66 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,897 There we go. Let's try again. 67 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,191 You're a piece of sh... 68 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,484 ...work, Morty! 69 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,944 Like a golden retriever. A Rick's best friend. 70 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,613 And when I call you a disappointment, 71 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,866 it's because I believe you can be so much better than you are. 72 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,868 How's that? Pretty good, huh? 73 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,620 It nibbles on your empathy centers 74 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,330 and poops out something much stronger. 75 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,999 -Wait. It eats my empathy? -Don't worry. 76 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,335 We'll only keep it in long enough to win a potato together. 77 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,462 Wait. We have to win one. How do we-- 78 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,589 By dancing with the stars! 79 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:13,396 Hey. It's okay. Focus on my hips. That's where my center of gravity is. 80 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,481 I don't know, Rick. 81 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,316 You've got this. I believe in you. 82 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,442 You two are up. 83 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:21,154 And now performing "Clair de Lune: Epic Remix" from 84 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,532 the Godzilla: King of the Monsters trailer, 85 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:27,035 Rick Sanchez and his partner Morty Smith. 86 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,526 Huzzah! A triumph in movement. 87 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,278 Rick, I did it! I caught you! 88 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,696 I knew you could do it, buddy! 89 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:05,073 Congratulations, newest champions. 90 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,867 Here is your reward. 91 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,619 One perfect Grimaldian potato. 92 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,038 And did you see when we nailed that triple spin? 93 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,457 Your timing was metronomic, Morty. 94 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,042 And then when I caught you-- 95 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:20,797 Oh, all of that was the Sympathid, wasn't it? 96 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,592 -Did we actually dance or-- -The dancing was real. 97 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:26,261 The trust, the connection, not so much. 98 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,847 It was real nice to-to feel like that with you. 99 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,432 Well, it can't stay in there forever. 100 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,808 There's a bit of a comedown. 101 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,268 What kind of comedown-- 102 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,814 I feel like shit. 103 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,608 Wow, it's so nice outside. 104 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:40,775 Stop guilting me! 105 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,321 Oh, my God. This is our fifth Home Depot. 106 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,697 I'm tired of depots. 107 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,324 I'm not going home without those drums. 108 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,117 It's the last thing we need on Grandpa Rick's list. 109 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,411 Maybe we should have done all the Rick shopping 110 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,413 before we went Summer shopping. 111 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,790 I wasn't going to miss out on that Gucci x Kellogg's drop. 112 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,710 Also, I didn't know everyone was gonna be out of 60-gallon drums. 113 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,338 What the shit? 114 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,089 That dude's hoarding all the drums! 115 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,008 Why is this guy such a drum hog? 116 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,843 I'm looking for the Petco. My dog needs-- 117 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,387 Oh, he's a serial killer. 118 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,598 Jesus! We go to rescue that girl. 119 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,807 We got to call the cops. 120 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,059 Are you kidding? Those drums are evidence. 121 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,685 The cops will take them all. 122 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,187 I need you to follow my lead. 123 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,069 These hatchbacks, huh? 124 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,820 Uh, is that a dead girl? 125 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,615 You got me. Thought this rug would do the deed, 126 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,533 but it's clearly not working out. 127 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,454 Now, those are a good idea. 128 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,456 Wish I'd thought of 60-gallon drums. 129 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:40,210 Yeah, yeah, they're kind of industry standard. 130 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,421 Is my face red? Amateur serial killer here. 131 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,549 Uh, you think maybe I could buy a couple off you? 132 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,136 Sure. Uh, retail price is 75 bucks. 133 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:54,182 Oh, thanks. Saved my night. Uh, here, I've got 100. 134 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,850 Uh, I don't have any change. 135 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,060 That's okay. Keep it. 136 00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:00,105 No, no, I'm a killer, not a thief. 137 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:04,818 Look, I've got plenty of change at my place. 138 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,654 It's right down the street. 139 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,409 We got to save that girl. 140 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,160 We got to get those drums! 141 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:19,749 Hey, dipshit, get on the bus so I can make fun of you! 142 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,419 You've got the body of a 14-year-old boy, 143 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,796 and I'm gonna beat the shit out of that body. 144 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:28,216 Bully is life! I'm gonna make you so fucking sad. 145 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,385 Yeah. Okay, pal. Good luck with that. 146 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,889 They're paycheck to paycheck, 147 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,225 but they keep voting against their own interests. 148 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,936 I see you. I know how much pain you're in. 149 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,438 It's not your fault. 150 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,859 And that's why the Boston Tea Party 151 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,820 sparked the American Revolution. 152 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,573 Holy integers! A raised hand. 153 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:52,907 This is why I only teach math. 154 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,701 History classes get you canceled. 155 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,202 I just wanted to say 156 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,496 that this history lesson looks a little different 157 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,498 when you empathize with all the parties involved. 158 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:03,710 You take a smart pill? You're too wise for a child. 159 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,755 Next time I have to sub, maybe you should do the teaching. 160 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,632 We should talk about the real issue here, Mr. Goldenfold. 161 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,718 Your ex-wife. Call her. 162 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,304 You might not get another shot, but you'll at least get closure. 163 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,015 I wish you were my son. 164 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,892 Hey, can I talk about how I was bullied in high school 165 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,185 because of my last name? 166 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,561 There's time enough for everyone, 167 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,979 Principal Vagina. 168 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,224 Thanks for waiting. I had to unload the stuff. 169 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:02,936 -Tea? -Sure. 170 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,815 Uh, I don't have to be worried about this, do I? 171 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,902 I don't know. Do you? 172 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,450 Let me get you that change for the drums. 173 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:38,346 Hello? Please let me live. I'll do anything! 174 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:40,098 Oh! You're alive. 175 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,851 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Help! Help! 176 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,437 Okay. Uh, yeah. I'm gonna get you out of there. 177 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:47,564 Thank you. Thank you! 178 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,898 If you help me get 179 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,984 -these 60-gallon drums out of here. -Huh? 180 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,529 Got to say, 181 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,448 you don't seem like a serial killer. 182 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,203 I-I promise I'm a nightmare person. 183 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,746 The worst of the worst. 184 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,375 Really? What's your signature? 185 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,003 Ah. My signature. 186 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,129 Uh, what's yours? 187 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:15,425 I leave a cat toy in my victim's pockets. 188 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,428 That's why I'm the Cat and Mouse Killer. 189 00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:25,393 Well, I pour honey in the hair, 190 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,855 and then I take, a bunch of flour 191 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,440 and kind of mash it in there too, 192 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,276 and some sprinkles and a balloon, 193 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,696 and, like, I make a card that says "Happy Birthday." 194 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,199 And then I wrap them in wrapping paper, 195 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:43,620 and that's why they call me the Birthday Butcher. 196 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:47,999 I kill them on their birthday because that's a double kill. 197 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,126 You know, the death of the child 198 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,586 and the death of the parent. 199 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,671 The parent who metaphorically dies 200 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,507 when they become a childless, regular person again. 201 00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,509 It's two in one. 202 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,179 And when I kill twins, it's four at the same time. 203 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:06,226 Oh, there's real darkness in you. 204 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,815 Hey, Rick. I've been thinking about our boundaries. 205 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,692 And you're right. I shouldn't just walk in 206 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,861 and expect access to your time and attention. 207 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,488 What a pleasant surprise, Morty. 208 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,740 I didn't expect the Sympathid to have lasting effects. 209 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,784 Well, I'd like to bring our trust up 210 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,827 to our good ol' Rick and Morty baseline. 211 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,372 It's important that you feel appreciated and seen. 212 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,874 Point is, I'm gonna focus on finding balance 213 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,210 between my needs and what you want. 214 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,046 Well, I want that thermometer. 215 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,297 Easy! 216 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,591 Do you mind if I take this? My grandpa needs it. 217 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,761 Ah! Kaboom! 218 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,763 Aw, look at the little guy! 219 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,682 -Morty, your arm. -My arm? 220 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,058 Yeah, buddy. Your arm. 221 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,268 What's up with my arm? 222 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,353 Oh, do you have the Sympathid in right now? 223 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:53,106 I don't know, maybe. Is that a problem? 224 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,524 How long have you had it in? 225 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,735 Rick, it's making this, us, the whole thing work. 226 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,947 I got to take a look at it, little guy. Okay? 227 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,657 -Oh, Rick, that tickles. -Hold still, you... 228 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,035 moron! 229 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,913 What the fuck have you done? 230 00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,708 You thought you could let an alien parasite 231 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,876 feast on your brain without consequences? 232 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,507 Where are we? What's happening?! 233 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,134 Why is my arm over there? 234 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,512 You sympathized with an explosion, you dumb piece of shit! 235 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,640 Morty, see that giant brain crab? 236 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,684 -That's your fault. -Oh, fuck off. 237 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,394 -Fuck off? -Yeah, Rick. 238 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,563 "Oh, you ruined my morning!" 239 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,274 Get over yourself, you dumb dead-wife-having bitch. 240 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,032 Okay, your empathy centers have been digested. 241 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,533 You literally can't empathize. 242 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,118 Oh, so I'm you now? 243 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,787 Quick, get me a kid so I can insult the shit out of him. 244 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,086 All right, okay, maybe I leaned a little hard on the shortcut 245 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,504 when I could have just talked to you. 246 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,548 What difference does it make? Nothing matters. 247 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,717 Yeah, but I try not to be ghoulish, Morty. 248 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,511 And this counts as ghoulish. 249 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,097 So you can empathize, you just don't want to. 250 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,558 I'm old. I'm allowed to squeeze in some efficiency here and there. 251 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,226 Oh, shit, Morty! 252 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,541 Oh, we're gonna die. We're gonna die! 253 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,960 Hey, this is on you for walking up to a scary guy 254 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,045 and asking for directions. 255 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,463 Oh, that's worse than a victim-blaming teen 256 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,839 obsessed with murder drums? 257 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,591 So help me God, if you fuck this up, 258 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,176 I'll start screaming, and he'll come out here. 259 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,678 -You're a terrible person. -I'm not even here, lady. 260 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,390 And if I'm not here, you're back at the bottom of a well. 261 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,600 Don't even start unpacking this shit because it's airtight. 262 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:53,851 You're not even another victim? 263 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,395 You came here on purpose? 264 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,356 Your side is low. Lift your side, bitch. 265 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,025 Oh, no, no, no, no. 266 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,986 What the hell? That girl looks just like you. 267 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,697 Yeah. Yeah. Uh, that's my daughter. 268 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,116 Wasn't she in the rug? 269 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,367 Looks like she's alive! 270 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,619 Jesus Christ, you were trying to kill your daughter?! 271 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:12,912 That is fucked, man! 272 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,664 Oh, thank God. 273 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,374 -You called the police? -Yeah. 274 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,668 But you're a serial killer. You're crazy. 275 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,837 I thought I was until I met you. 276 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,296 I'm here for the girl. 277 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,215 I'm not letting you touch her, man! 278 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,095 Help! He's gonna kill me! 279 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:32,765 -No, I'm not. I'm a normal guy. -Come out with your hands up. 280 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,518 No normal guy could come up with the stuff that you said! 281 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,270 I'm only here for your drums 282 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,314 and to rescue that girl, if I can convince my daughter. 283 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:44,610 So you made me call the police on myself? 284 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:48,823 Come back here! I'm gonna kill you! 285 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,367 They said the '70s were full of serial killers 286 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,370 because World War II fucked up all their dads. 287 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,705 But you know what I think? 288 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,999 -Sir-- -I think it's in our DNA. 289 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:02,336 I think you and I are two bad lattes away from getting out the knives. 290 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,088 -Um-- -We're all animals. 291 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:07,175 Fuck! Fuck! 292 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:13,556 I wish this tire was my head! 293 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,518 Get the battering ram. 294 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,605 I can't believe it's my fucking birthday. 295 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,150 I don't feel good. 296 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,526 Okay, we got to get you out of here 297 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:26,819 and get that thing out of your head. 298 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,654 Fuckin' bug is making me feel 299 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:31,824 a lot of feelings, Morty, a lot of feelings. 300 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,534 I know what you want, Morty. 301 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:34,911 Come here, come here, come here. 302 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,163 Grandpa's got a nice kiss for your forehead. 303 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:41,292 Grandpa should be giving you hugs, not turning you into a trash can 304 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,127 when I'm too lazy to walk across the room. 305 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:45,129 Wait, when was that? Fuck! Here they come! 306 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:52,011 Oh, no! No, no, no. His juice is coming out. 307 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,514 Oh, Morty, we got to put his juice back in. 308 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,558 -What are you doing? -I got to call his family. 309 00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,101 Rick, this isn't the time! 310 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,647 Mrs. Gorbleflax? I'm sorry. Your husband's dead. 311 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:03,814 Give me the fucking phone. 312 00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,650 He lost all his juice! 313 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,779 Oh, my God! We got to make so many phone calls! 314 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,364 Hurry up. I get it, Rick. 315 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,616 I get how frustrating it is to try to get things done 316 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,159 while your sidekick shits the emotional bed. 317 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,000 I got to clean my car. So much broken glass. 318 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,210 Set destination for Earth! 319 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,170 Is that a used syringe on the floor? 320 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,172 What will people think? 321 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,802 -What's your problem? -What the hell? What's your problem? 322 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,470 -Put Grandpa Rick on the phone. -Not now. 323 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,222 There's a brain crab in Rick's head 324 00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,807 that's making him into a Hallmark movie. 325 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,351 Every piece of paper has an animal locked inside. 326 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,311 Well, Dad's about to be killed by the police so... 327 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,437 We can get another dad. 328 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:44,814 -What? -What?! 329 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,108 Wow! Look at the stars! We're in space! 330 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,484 Morty, I don't know what the hell is going on. 331 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,445 Get over here now, or I'll make sure whatever happens next is worse. 332 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,115 Fuck! Fine. Set course for Summer. 333 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,166 Grandpa Rick, I-- 334 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,003 You don't need to prove yourself to me. 335 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,171 Grandpa loves you. 336 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,381 What the literal dick? 337 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,799 Told you. Brain crabbed. 338 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,384 -He's in there? -Yeah. 339 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,178 Housekiller Ram is here, sir. 340 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:20,474 Great. This guy wants a Waco? I'll show him who's God. 341 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,351 Hold on. Let me try. 342 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,646 Dad, are you still alive? 343 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,064 Morty! Help! 344 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:30,192 I am gonna boil you alive! 345 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,612 Kid, you're not gonna talk him down. 346 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:35,531 These kind of guys, they got zero empathy. 347 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,575 Right now, neither do I. 348 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,952 Excuse me, Mr. Serial Killer, sir. 349 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,205 Look, I know how you feel. I know everything's nothing. 350 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,082 We live in a world of made-up rules, 351 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,251 policed by policies that serve no one. 352 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,087 You feel alone, and you don't understand anyone. 353 00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,882 But that doesn't mean you can't understand yourself. 354 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:56,802 I know what I need. I need someone to hug me. 355 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,679 Not because they want something from me, 356 00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:01,140 but because they just want to hug me. 357 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,392 But the world won't give people like us hugs 358 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,686 unless we tell people what we need. 359 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,105 So if you want a hug, a real one, 360 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,566 then walk out and ask for it. 361 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:17,615 I want a hug! 362 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,795 He's got a knife! 363 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,590 -Well... -Morty, I'm so proud of you. 364 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,760 You did it. And this, sir, is for you. 365 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,262 -Happy birthday. -How did you know? 366 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,389 I could just tell. 367 00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:42,973 Can I come out, 368 00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:45,142 or are you gonna shoot me too? 369 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,227 Do you have a knife? 370 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:50,106 I technically have a Swiss Army knife in my pocket. 371 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:59,073 What... Was that the sound of an entire police force out of bullets? 372 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:01,534 You always feel like this? 373 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,411 Like cut off like this? 374 00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:07,748 Yeah. Morty, the truth is, maybe you shouldn't empathize with me. 375 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,793 Putting this thing in your head made you ignore my behavior. 376 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,962 But being cruel is a danger signal, 377 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,257 and you need to heed those red flags so you don't get hurt. 378 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,050 Are you saying you're a piece of shit? 379 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,177 Yeah, I guess so. 380 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,846 I guess that's okay. 381 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,858 I wish I could enjoy this. 382 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,540 No hard feelings. 383 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:31,832 Was that supposed to make me feel better?! A pun?! 384 00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,876 A student slashed my tires. 385 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,796 Another one filled my desk drawer with period blood. 386 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:37,963 It's gonna be okay. 387 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,674 No, it's not! I make $40,000 a year. 388 00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:42,760 I'd pocket more money if I was in prison. 389 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,137 I see you, I see you. 390 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,431 What the fuck are you talking about?! 391 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:50,017 Did you even see the other side of this drawing?! 392 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,519 It's a death threat! 393 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,771 What are you shushing?