1 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:24,732 - Where the hell are we? - Nowhere. 2 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:26,317 What do you mean, nowhere? 3 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,361 - You know, somewhere? - Yeah? 4 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,363 This ain't that. 5 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,490 How can we be nowhere? 6 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,618 Well, there's this thing. 7 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,954 I don't know quite how to explain it 8 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:44,086 other than as a swirling ball of omnipotent cosmic shit, 9 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,546 and it really doesn't like you. 10 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,005 But it doesn't know me. 11 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,050 It does. It does. It knows everything. 12 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:55,471 It trapped you in the comic book. 13 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,681 And when you got out, 14 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,058 it moved the whole store to where we are now, 15 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,104 which is where we aren't because it isn't. 16 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,482 Why does the ball of shit not like us? 17 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,609 That's gonna require a little show and tell. 18 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,653 Fun. 19 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,660 Fourteen billion years ago... 20 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,371 there was nothing. 21 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,456 A picture of nothing. 22 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,459 Very helpful. I couldn't imagine it. 23 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,503 Go on, Kyle. 24 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:31,007 Nothing except for a consciousness, 25 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,092 which our brains perceive 26 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,886 as the aforementioned swirling ball of shit. 27 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,389 I can't see. 28 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,434 Thank you. 29 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:45,062 Then came the Big Bang, 30 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,316 which led to the creation of everything. 31 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:50,902 Appreciate it. 32 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,112 What does any of this have to do with us? 33 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,699 - Honey, he's getting there. - Thank you. 34 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:59,952 The consciousness was deeply unhappy about creation. 35 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,954 It hated everything about it. 36 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:05,041 The planets, the stars, salsa dancing. 37 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,043 Vaseline, everything. 38 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:10,838 It missed the peace and silence of infinite nothing. 39 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,924 - I get that. - What do you mean you get that? 40 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,385 You ever been to Costco on a Black Friday? 41 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,137 It can be very upsetting. 42 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,097 I'm confused. 43 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,892 This consciousness caused the Big Bang? 44 00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,394 Yes, and if you meet it, don't bring it up. 45 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,604 It's a sore spot. 46 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:29,358 Once again, what does any of this have to do with me? 47 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:33,736 You broke this quantum thingy, 48 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,071 which opened up a crack in reality, 49 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,990 allowing the consciousness its first opportunity 50 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,076 to pull the plug on the whole deal. 51 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,411 "The whole deal" being the universe? 52 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:47,083 Every universe, every molecule, every atom, everything. 53 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,585 So, it's trying to keep me from undoing what I did, 54 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,963 - so it could undo what it did? - Well put. 55 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:55,592 What was that? 56 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,719 What was what? 57 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,263 - Waughter. I heard waughter. - I didn't hear anything. 58 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,015 Wait, so we're trapped here forever? 59 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,227 No, no. Forever is a time. 60 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,938 We're here always. 61 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,357 Well, at least we got lots of stuff to read. 62 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,361 Okay. None of you heard that? 63 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,407 There it is again! 64 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,277 Oh, my God. 65 00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:58,404 - What have I done? - What's the matter? 66 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,656 What's the matter? 67 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,825 If Kyle's right, I'm responsible 68 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,952 for the imminent destruction of everyone and everything 69 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,038 that ever was and ever will be. 70 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,291 Anything else? 71 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,627 - What else is there? - Never mind. 72 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,173 How's this happening to me? Denise... 73 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,217 I'm a simple man. I wake up in the morning, 74 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,094 put on one of my two pairs of pants, 75 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,680 and go to work in a comic book store that's never made a dime. 76 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,476 Except for the year I set it on fire and collected the insurance. 77 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,061 - Are you done wallowing? - Don't take that away from me. 78 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,023 It's the only thing I do well. 79 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,693 Enjoy. 80 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,113 Wait, how did I get here? 81 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,867 Kyle explained it, the swirling ball of shit. 82 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,203 No, this room. How did I get in this room? 83 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,996 I don't know. You walked? 84 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,915 I don't remember walking in here. 85 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,543 Well, there's clearly a lot of things you don't remember. 86 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,962 - What's that mean? - You don't know? 87 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,589 I'm not gonna tell you. 88 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,432 Hello, fetal position, my old friend. 89 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,978 - Why do I even bother? - Problem? 90 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,064 Your BFF forgot my birthday. 91 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,691 You do realize he's got a lot on his plate, what, 92 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,360 with the end of the universe and all? 93 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,946 I already heard that from him. I don't need to hear that from you. 94 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,448 - Want me to talk to him? - Absolutely not. 95 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,950 Don't you say a word. 96 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,410 Denise, Bert, you wanna have your minds bwown? 97 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,330 We are in a comic book store floating in nothingness 98 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,209 while an omniscient consciousness is about to destroy everything that exists, 99 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,088 so the bar for mind-blowing is pretty high. 100 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,341 Evewything we've been through is in these comic books. 101 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,636 Here's "Cow Stomachs." Here's "Paradise World." 102 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,555 We're kind of the assholes in that one. 103 00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:51,350 Here's one where Gawwy dies. 104 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,562 Here's another one where Gawwy dies. 105 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,105 Gary. 106 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:59,233 Denise, I want to apologize. 107 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,611 Really? What do you wanna apologize for? 108 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,077 Check it out. 109 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,620 Your wittle trip to the nuthouse. 110 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,582 Here's a good one. You're all underwater. 111 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,335 - You got gills. - We were never underwater. 112 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,131 - Maybe it hasn't happened yet. - Let me see that. 113 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,758 You punched me in my flu shot. 114 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,427 Sorry. 115 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,307 The hell? 116 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:34,519 What? 117 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:38,023 - You didn't see that. - See what? 118 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,609 I don't know, something's wong. 119 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,277 Yeah, I feel like I'm wosing my mind. 120 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,863 It happens as we get older. 121 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,282 Speaking of getting older... 122 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,205 What is that sound? 123 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:04,674 What are you doing? 124 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,343 Eating a dumpling. 125 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,221 - No, you're eating the skin. - I don't like the insides. 126 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:13,016 The insides are what makes them dumpwings. 127 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,352 Would you like my insides? 128 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,688 Okay. 129 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,651 What are you looking for? 130 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,778 It's a long shot, but something that shows 131 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,322 where we are and how we get out. 132 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,199 Can you leave? 133 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,076 I don't know. 134 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:34,704 What do you mean, you don't know? How can you not know? 135 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,166 Best guess, willful ignorance. 136 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,545 - Whoa, what was that? - Thank you. 137 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,924 - What was what? - There's people waughing. 138 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,593 Yeah, but kind of fake laughing. 139 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,095 Did you hear anything? 140 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,555 No, I didn't hear anything. 141 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,557 Denise, come on. Are you gonna tell me what I did wrong? 142 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,144 I can, but I won't. 143 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,771 Again? 144 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,565 I am reawwy freaking out. 145 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,485 Holy shit. 146 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,448 - Now what? - You don't see this? 147 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,785 The whole store changed! It's got all bright! 148 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,746 That wall disappeared. 149 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,543 I see a wall. 150 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,171 Let me run something by you. 151 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,632 If the store exists outside of space and time, 152 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,051 are we getting older or do we stay the same? 153 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,221 Hey, hey, man. I just work here. 154 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,139 That's a good question. 155 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:38,977 Are we frozen at the age we are now? No more birthdays? 156 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,688 Look who's suddenly aware of birthdays. 157 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,318 Can somebody explain to me what's going on with her? 158 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,446 You forgot her birthday. 159 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,364 That's what this is about? 160 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,824 With everything we've got going on, 161 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,201 she's upset about her birthday? 162 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,496 It does feel superfwuous to the main story. 163 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,751 Okay, now I, too, am freaking out. 164 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,087 Here's a fun wittle question. Where did this food come fwom? 165 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,049 Szechuan Palace. 166 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,009 Uh-huh. And how did it get here? 167 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,303 Uber Eats, DoorDash, one of those. 168 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,556 Sure, sure. And they dewiver to comic book shops 169 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,143 that exist outside of time and space? 170 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,271 Maybe Postmates. 171 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,612 Denise. 172 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,280 I don't want this to sound insensitive, 173 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,698 but isn't being trapped 174 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:38,285 by an evil omniscient entity in a cosmic void 175 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,829 more important than your birthday? 176 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,791 I guess it is to you. 177 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:47,252 Denise, listen to me. I love you, 178 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,463 and I will do anything to make you happy. 179 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,924 Except remember my birthday. 180 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,886 Let me try again. 181 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,014 - Denise. - Yes? 182 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,183 Happy birthday. 183 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,892 That's it? 184 00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:03,644 To you 185 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,188 Happy birthday to you... 186 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,857 - Please stop. - Sorry. So, are we good? 187 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,068 Do you think we're good? 188 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,153 Yes? 189 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,534 No. 190 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,456 - Any food left? - Dumpling meat. 191 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,088 Is it too late for a surprise party? 192 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,798 Is this still birthday cwap? 193 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,093 - Oh, shut up, Kripke. - Hear me out. 194 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,511 How do you know it's your birthday? 195 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,720 What do you mean, how do I know? 196 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,013 - I know. - Really? 197 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,560 What day is it wight now? Monday, Tuesday? 198 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,438 While you mull that over, Bert, say something funny. 199 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:51,024 Two peanuts were walking down the street. 200 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,485 One was a-salted. 201 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,157 Check out the back page, Cowumbo. 202 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:07,499 "Stuart Fails to Save the Universe, a new comedy coming to CBS this fall." 203 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,376 What's CBS? 204 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,337 It's an old TV thing, not the point. 205 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,799 Somehow, we're in a sitcom. 206 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,384 I thought we were in a meaningless void. 207 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,344 Same thing. 208 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:24,100 And Denise's birthday is the stupid B-story. 209 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,311 Don't call my girlfriend stupid. 210 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,232 Look at the wall that isn't there. 211 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,614 Where'd it go? How can there not be a wall? 212 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,618 Better question, what's behind where it isn't? 213 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,080 Somebody should find out. 214 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,837 What are you looking at me for? 215 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:57,759 Because for some incompwehensible weason, 216 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,220 you are the star of this show. 217 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,432 Okay. 218 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:10,688 Okay, I guess then it is up to me. 219 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,529 Stuart, wait. 220 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,282 We don't know what's out there. 221 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,285 Only one way to find out. 222 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,789 - I love you. - I love you too. 223 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,929 Oh, my God. What's happening? 224 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,348 I'll tell you what's happening. 225 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:49,559 You are back on the market. 226 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,104 You're such a creep. 227 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,234 Well, guess it's just you and me, buddy. 228 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,152 Nope. 229 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,573 Well, guess it's just you 230 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,450 - and me, buddy. - Nope. 231 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,581 Kind of hurts my feelings. 232 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,459 Ladies and gentlemen, 233 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,296 are you ready to meet our cast one more time? 234 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,588 Come on. 235 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,008 Let's blow the roof off this place. 236 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:24,469 You're gonna let them know how much you love the show. 237 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,472 Rise to your feet. Make a ton of noise. 238 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:31,519 Let's meet our amazing cast. Playing Barry Kripke, 239 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:37,275 huge hand for John Ross Bowie. 240 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:51,164 As Bert Kibbler, the hilariously funny Brian Posehn. 241 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,001 What the fuck? 242 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,253 You know her, you love her, 243 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:01,924 as Denise, Lauren Lapkus. 244 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,516 And the star of our show, 245 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:15,145 the guy who fails to save the universe, 246 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:20,275 our very own Stuart Bloom, the one and only, 247 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,987 Mr. Kevin Sussman! 248 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,709 - This can't be happening. - Let's get out of here. 249 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,298 Thank you, guys, for coming. 250 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:46,718 We hope you guys had a great time. 251 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,053 We certainly did. 252 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,431 - We do this for you. - But also for the money. 253 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,726 Good night, everyone. Drive safe! 254 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,609 What is all this? 255 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,779 Are we dead? 256 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,740 Or maybe we were never real. 257 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,575 Of course we're real. Figments of the imagination 258 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,328 don't have irritable bowel syndrome. 259 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,621 - You too? - Yeah. 260 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,582 Hey, what do you do for it? 261 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,959 You have to learn to manage stress, 262 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,379 and it sounds counterintuitive, but you actually want a little less fiber. 263 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,091 - Intewesting. I'll try that. - Oh, my God. Will you two stop? 264 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,094 We just walked past actors who play us. 265 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:32,055 That has to be more pressing than the quality of your BMs. 266 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,057 You're right. 267 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:37,102 I mean, I don't wish what happens to me in the bathroom on my worst enemy, 268 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,146 but you're right. 269 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,149 Well, at least we have each other. 270 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,609 Yes, yeah. 271 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,236 So, now what? 272 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,324 I don't know. 273 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:55,163 But I have to believe the answer is out there somewhere. 274 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,373 In Burbank? 275 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,376 Or Studio City. 276 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,732 Do bananas count as fiber? 277 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,817 Oh, absolutely. 278 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,690 I give you one job.