We cannot know what the universe holds in store for us.
Its designs are mysterious.
In golf, there is a saying,
"Play it as it lies."
Old Henry once told me,
"Lonnie, you can cheat on your wife,
and you can cheat on yourself,
but you can never cheat on the game of golf."
And that, Sam, is why I'm gonna need my seven iron here.
- Okay. Sure. What… - Can you hold on to that?
- This one. - That one, okay.
I am gonna smash the cover off this ball, and when it hits the green,
all anyone is gonna see is a ball of string unraveling
as it goes into the hole.
Right on.
Oh fuck!
That was cool.
- Play it as it lies! - Yeah. No. I know.
- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪
♪ He's a golfer ♪
♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪
So I did wanna say I'm sorry about Old Henry, Lonnie.
Yeah, he was a good man, Cliff.
It's Clint.
Must be tough playing without your sidekick.
Where'd you pick up this new caddie?
Oh, her? I got her at a Walmart.
Did you know chickens can memorize over a hundred faces?
Where did you say you caddied before?
Oh, I didn't, because I haven't.
Only time I've been on a golf course was doing donuts in high school.
So wasn't there like a funeral or a wake for him today?
- Did you already pay your respects? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I know what you're trying to do, Cliff.
That's not gonna work. Mind games? No. You can keep at it.
It's not gonna work. You know why? 'Cause this right here…
This is an animal brain.
And I'm thinking about one thing. "Cougar's gonna eat."
What?
- What? - Hey, Lonnie!
- Yeah? - You want me to kick his ass?
Maybe.
He's not coming.
He's gonna come. Old Henry was his only friend.
Golf is his only friend.
Thirty years that man gave him.
Old Henry was a better father to Lance than his own father.
Mom.
He's the one who taught him how to golf.
Gave him his first set of clubs,
took him to the range, helped him with his swing.
Your father was worthless.
Well, thanks, everyone, for coming out today.
I'm Dick Lundquist
with the Association of Professional Tour Caddies.
- ♪ Just keep that coffee hot ♪ - ♪ A-keep it hot ♪
- ♪ Be sure you make a lot ♪ - This bag is a bitch.
Henry, nine iron.
What?
Sorr… I'm sorry.
I… I got Old Henry on the brain today.
Uh…
It… Nine iron is the one with the "nine" on it.
Oh, like I would fucking know.
- You got it. There. - There you are.
Oh, come on.
Cougar's gonna eat.
What'd I say?
"Cougar's gonna eat." You were rude about it.
Mangy cougar with low-hanging nuts, right?
Hey, Lonnie, why don't you just start using this club from now on
so I don't have to carry all this other shit?
Okay.
Boo!
Fucking nut boy.
♪ Gonna have me some fun Until I see the sun in the sky ♪
♪ I'll be way up there ♪
♪ But whatever I do I will come back to you by and by ♪
- Really? - What?
- Lonnie! - I don't think it's me.
Come on, it's you.
- What? - In the bag.
- Is it? - No phones, please.
Sorry. Yeah, I should take this.
- Yeah, it's my son Lance. - What?
My son Lance. We're very tight.
With Old Henry's death, the family's going through a lot of emotion, so…
It'll take two seconds. Hey, Lancerino, what's shaking?
Where the fuck are you?
Thank you. Thank you for asking. I'm doing great.
- I got a few holes left… - Are you serious?
…I heard you, uh, flew down from Charles Schwab to make it.
Are you kidding me?
Mom's here, Natalie's here.
There's a ton of people here, and everyone's expecting you to show up.
You know, I won Charles Schwab in 2006.
Jesus, Dad.
I thought Old Henry meant something to you.
He does. I mean, he did.
Look, I'm gonna pay my respects.
- Right now, you know, I'm on hole… - This is totally unacceptable.
What hole is this? Oh, I'm on hole 11.
The 11th?
Once I finish, I'll make my way down there.
Perfect. Dad, that's just great. Everyone will be gone by then.
Oh shit. Okay.
Well… I know! I'll text you something, right?
And you can read it to everyone,
and that way they'll know, uh…
They'll know I'm there in spirit.
Listen, I'm holding up play.
I gotta go.
Dad…
Un-fucking-believable.
You can go ahead. If you could just be quiet, though,
'cause I gotta text something very important.
- And meaningful. - Are you fucking kidding?
Hey, is everything okay?
Yeah.
He's not coming.
Oh.
Stupid of me to think he was gonna show up.
No. It's not stupid to want something.
You wanna know what's stupid?
Wanting something that doesn't want you back, but we all do it.
Especially when we're young. You know what I mean, Natalie?
Mom.
- What are you doing? This is a memorial. - Oh, you have to try it!
I brought a few extra cases of my Teed Off beverage.
It's kind of like beta testing. You know, like the Pepsi Challenge.
- You want one, Natalie? - I'm good.
- Okay. - Thanks.
Your mom's got a booze side hustle now?
Yeah.
Canned cocktails are great.
I actually came up with the name.
- Oh! - You get it?
- Yeah. - It's layered, right?
- Yeah. That's really funny. - "Teed off," like in golf, and also like…
Ticked off.
- No, like iced tea. - Oh.
Yeah.
So good.
Yeah, baby.
Come on. Yes!
Whoo! Oh yeah!
Home runs and touchdowns!
Can't… stop… me… now!
Look what's going on!
Come on, y'all. Drop it like it's hot.
That's just disrespectful.
- Hey! - Here comes the club!
- Get it! Shit. - Get it.
Absolutely disgusting.
- Hey, Lonnie. - Yeah?
This is what you're doing to that golf ball here.
- Oh, I like that! - Just…
- Good. - I like what you're doing, bud.
Well, it's a cold brew tea infused with spirits.
It's a "hard iced tea" as they say in the beverage biz.
Tastes very oily.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Do you taste the peppermint? - No! Is there?
Peppermint, lemon, the black tea…
Hey, when I point at you, can you put on the sound of "Augusta"?
The Masters theme song.
Sorry.
Check, check. Check, check.
Uh, hey, everyone.
As you know, um…
my father could not be here today, but he has asked if I could
share his passions that he has so kindly texted to me.
"Old Henry… Well, here we are."
"God's 19th hole."
"Our final round."
"Our final tour."
"A tradition like no other."
"You weren't just a caddie, carrying my clubs,
raking the bunkers, tending the pin."
"You were a friend, a father,
sometimes even a son."
"And often, we were the only family each of us had."
Ha! Bullshit.
"You taught me that no matter what happens on the golf course,
family comes first."
Amen.
"Truer words have never been spoken."
- He's the one who taught us all, really. - "And now, here I leave you."
"For once, I will rake the trap."
"I will carry the clubs."
"I will replace the pin
for you, my friend."
"Amen."
Beautiful! Beautiful!
Well done. Well done.
That's poetic.
Stacy, I gotta tell you, this drink is amazing.
Oh! Bones, that makes me so happy. Thank you.
Is this the drink Lonnie used to make at all his parties?
- Bones, here is your toothpick, sir. - Thank you.
It was at all those parties, but it's my drink.
I invented it, not Lonnie, contrary to popular belief.
Well, it is tasty.
You could be like Clooney and sell it for $1 billion.
That's such a good idea, Bones. Why didn't I think of that?
How did he get the name "Old Henry"?
You know, as I recall, I think it was Lee Trevino
that started calling him that back in the 1970s.
He told me it was his mother!
I thought his mother named him that when he was born.
Because he was wrinkled? Is that what she said?
The boy looked old his whole life.
Come on, now.
That run that he and Lonnie had in 2010, that was something.
Yeah, one of the greatest runs in golf.
Five Tour victories.
- Almost six. - Yeah, he missed that putt in the US Open.
- Where was that? Where was it? - Pebble Beach.
- Pebble Beach! - Old Henry couldn't leave him after that.
Now, I ain't snitching, but Old Henry had a daughter.
- Spill the beans. Spill the tea. - I did not know this.
Because he liked to make sweet love.
Well, he did like the ladies.
The guy hasn't made a cut in years. I managed to be here.
- He couldn't squeeze it in? - Don't let it get to you, okay?
We're here for Old Henry.
- Just ridiculous. - I know.
- People seem to like this drink you made. - Thank you very much.
I'm actually in the market for a distributor if you happen to know anyone.
No. Wellness is kind of my thing.
Yeah, Natalie's actually gonna be a wellness influencer.
So, maybe when she starts getting followers, she can post about it.
Hmm.
- Um… - Oh, don't sweat it.
Listen, the way Lance has been playing, once I slap that handsome face on my cans,
I won't be able to make this stuff fast enough.
- Oh, that's right. - Excuse me for a second.
This looks good.
You know Lance doesn't touch sugar or alcohol.
Right. Well, he doesn't have to drink any.
You might wanna get back in there.
You're missing all the stories about old caddies shitting their pants.
Let me hurry up and grieve, and then I'll get to the shitting stories.
That's a good call.
- It's good to see you. - Yeah, you too.
How long has it been?
It's been a minute.
Yeah.
Where's your dad at?
Oh, he's… He's, uh, running late.
Mmm. He's playing golf, ain't he?
- Yeah, he's playing golf. - Yeah.
Must be tough. He was such a good dad.
Him?
You know, I realized a long time ago that this does not have to be about them.
- What do you mean? - I mean, like, don't let your dad win.
You know, your dad taught me how to play.
Yeah, he taught me how to play too.
Remember this summer in Pensacola?
- Oh, wow. - We didn't know anything, dude.
And look at us now.
Yeah.
Okay, you know what? He was a good dad when he was around.
Just he was never around.
I'm gonna take his ashes and spread them where he told me to.
At Pebble Beach, overlooking the ocean, at the 18th hole.
So…
It's an iconic hole.
Yeah.
Definitely… illegal to spread a dead man's ashes there, though.
- Right? - Yeah.
- Hmm. - I'm like 100% positive.
He also wanted me to have his watch, but I don't see it on him.
I think someone took it.
I don't think someone would take a dead guy's watch. That'd be fucked up.
- Good day out there, Lonnie? - What's the cut looking like?
Oh, they're projecting one under, maybe even.
Well, guess I'll know in a couple hours whether it was a good day.
Sam, I could really use a cold glass of white wine.
Bag. Heavy. Very heavy.
You like pickles?
I love pickles.
This clubhouse here has Schneiderhoff pickles. That's…
That's the best pickle out there.
So tell me again, if you don't make the cut,
like, we're just done here?
Yup. You see that leaderboard up there?
That there is what I live my life by. That line, that's the cut.
- If you're below that line, you're out. - Mmm.
I played pretty well today. Shot a 68.
That's about as well as I've played in a while.
You know what's better than a 68?
Mmm.
- What? - 69.
69, yeah. You hear that, Tanner?
- You know what that is? - You get that? It's a sex joke.
So, are you in or out?
Mmm…
- The bubble. - So you could still win?
I gotta make the cut.
I haven't made a cut in a long time.
Okay, well, if you did win, how much would you make?
Mmm… I don't know, 150, 160.
150 bucks?
That ain't shit.
- Thousand. - What the fuck?
On the PGA Tour, we're talking millions.
Well, how do we get to the PGA?
I gotta get hot. I gotta get on a streak.
I gotta win three Korn Ferry events, and then I'm back up.
- Well, then get hot, bitch. - I'm trying to get hot, bitch.
No excuses. No regrets.
Hey, how's it going?
How's it going?
Wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of the driver of that car?
- Nope. - A woman? Maybe looks, uh…
Looks something like this.
- Oh yeah, I seen her. Yeah. - Yeah. She was here.
- Was? - Mm-hmm.
Kind of important I find her.
How important?
It was really great to see you.
- Yeah. - It's been too long.
Yeah, you too, Lance. You too.
We should stay in touch.
Cool, yeah. If you're ever in LA, just hit me up.
I have all the good Korean barbecue recommendations.
- Oh yeah? - We should go.
- Okay. - We should all go.
Oh yeah, we should. That'd be fun, but we don't eat meat.
- Oh. - It's too much metal.
We could get drinks, it's fine.
- Oh, we don't drink either. - Watching carbs.
- No drinking. Okay, just come sit with me. - Sugar…
- We will! Yeah. It'd be fun, yeah. - Yeah, we definitely will.
Okay, cool. Well, that's my car, so…
- Sorry, bye. Thank you for coming. - See ya.
Oh, Lance.
Don't let your daddy win.
So we're just gonna stand here and wait to see if you made the cut?
What else are we gonna do?
How far is that funeral?
Oh, it's in Ocala, about a hour and a half away.
Bet I could make it in an hour. Might be good to see him one last time.
Should we go?
No need. I already texted my son my eulogy.
It was very poetic.
Oh, so it's not like a best friend or anything?
- Loved him like a brother. - Free food.
Shit, unless the wind picks up, I'm probably not making the cut anyway.
No excuses. No regrets.
Maybe I should visit my buddy one last time.
Fire up the bus.
Come on, wind.
I need you at my back.
Do it for Old Henry.
What's happening?
- The wind's starting to pick up. - Is that good?
Not if you're out on the golf course trying to make the cut!
Come on, wind!
Blow those balls to Timbuktu!
Crystal seemed nice.
Crystal? Yeah, she's great.
Kind of looks like you guys had a little thing there.
A "thing"?
Yeah.
What? No, it's not… a thing.
It's just between Old Henry and my dad, it just…
- It's a lot to think about right now. - Yeah.
Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean--
I showed up in the middle of a fucking PGA Tour event,
and he's pissing around in some Korn Ferry and he can't even make it?
People process grief in different ways.
He doesn't process shit.
He doesn't care about me. He doesn't care about my mom.
He doesn't care about Old Henry. He doesn't care about anybody.
Hey, Lance, you're going a little fast.
And then what, he literally phones in a eulogy and brings everyone to tears?
It's like people don't realize he's pulling it out of his ass.
Lance, slow down a bit.
- What the fuck does this guy want? - He wants you to pull over.
- You're going a million miles an hour. - Oh my God!
- ♪ Embop ♪ - ♪ Du bop, ba dop ba ♪
- ♪ Embop ♪ - ♪ Du bop, ba dop ba du ♪
♪ Embop ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- Wait… what are you saying? - Were you saying…
- Were you saying "Embop"? - I'm saying "Embop."
- No, no. It's "Mmmbop." - What are you saying?
- No. - Yeah, yeah.
'Cause the title of the song is "Embop."
- No, but when you put M-M-M together… - I know, but that's how it's spelled.
- That's "Mmm." - Watch the road!
Oh, sorry.
Babe, it's okay. It's just a speeding ticket.
We can handle a speeding ticket, okay?
Just breathe.
In.
And out.
You're right. You're always right. I just…
Just gotta find a way to center myself, you know.
I gotta feel grounded. I don't feel grounded right now.
Okay, well, how about when we get back to the hotel,
I'll bring out the singing bowls.
- I'll give you a sound bath. - That sounds so nice.
- It will be nice. - Also we still have an hour on the road.
Maybe you could give me a hand job while I drive?
You got it, babe. No problem.
- Quick tug? I got some lotion in-- - Just a warning, Mr. Hawkins.
Just keep it slow. Big fan of your dad.
So fun. Love watching him play golf.
So fun, yes.
Thank you for your service.
Paw Patrol motherfucker.
- It's fine. - Scum. Fuck that guy.
You got that? Here, take it. Give some out to your friends.
Get people talking.
Emojis, influencers, likes, algorithms.
Good night, guys! You know, spread the word.
Look at your hustle. Just hustling like crazy.
- I'm tired. - ♪ Turn down for what? ♪
Oh God.
Radley! Stace!
I'm here! Was there a gospel choir?
'Cause I love a gospel choir.
Un-fucking-believable.
- You guys need some help loading up? - Hey, Lonnie. Um, no, we're…
We're fine. Radford and I can handle it.
- So I'm glad you could finally make it. - It's always great to see you, Stacy.
Could you just give me one second?
- Yep. Mm-hmm. - You could just wait in the car.
Good.
You really are a piece of shit, you know that? Old Henry?
You couldn't even show up for him? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Why, Lonnie, 'cause you had to shoot another 84?
Hey, I shot a 68 today. I'm probably gonna make the cut.
What? You've never made the cut!
Do you understand that your son was in there waiting all day
for his daddy to show up?
Hoping, waiting, just like he did in sixth grade, eighth grade,
high school graduation, the time he got hit by the car.
When did he get hit by a car?
- Lonnie. - Look… Okay, well, tell him I'm here now.
He's gone! Everyone's gone!
And Old Henry would be gone too, but he's in there dead.
But then again, you knew that.
Stace.
I'm playing really well. I can feel it.
I wish you were there. I wish Lance was there.
Both of us, father and son, to be playing in a PGA Tour?
- How great would that be? - It's a nice thought.
Father and son, together, playing a game of golf…
Bullshit.
I'm serious!
- Can I kiss you? - No.
- Do you wanna kiss me? - Lonnie… Radford is right over there.
I can see, he's staring at us like a fucking weirdo.
There is nothing in God's bag of miracles
that could get you out of the Korn Ferry, back up to the PGA Tour.
But, hey, if pigs start flying--
- Hold on! - I wasn't done.
If you do make it back up to the PGA Tour,
I will cut your dick off.
I will marinate it in garlic and olive oil.
Then I will slice it down the middle,
and I will grill it till it's nice and crispy.
And then I will gently place it in a warm brioche hot dog bun,
and I will smother it in onions and brown mustard.
And then I will feed it to a cage of hungry rats!
Now I'm done!
Okay, well, that's very fun, very descriptive.
But hold on. I care about Lance.
- Come on. - I do!
You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.
And I think that you're actually really afraid
that that boy is going to eclipse the great Lonnie Hawkins.
He's already won two Tour events.
And when he starts winning majors,
no one is ever gonna remember that you even lived.
Can I just say something? I'm just gonna throw it out there.
But what if you and I…
…go out to dinner?
Red Lobster.
Bojangles. Your choice.
Dinner on me. My treat. I insist.
Take the temperature down.
I can buy my own Bojangles.
Bye-bye. Good seeing you!
Ex-wife?
Yeah.
No. No.
We're still married, yeah.
You got a boner.
I know.
God, she does that to me.
You here to see the body?
That body's my friend.
Well, I'm closing your friend up in a few minutes if you wanna say goodbye.
No excuses.
No regrets.
And, uh, sir?
You have a boner.
Oh, I know.
His name was Old Henry.
He was born in Chula Vista, California.
Raised on a golf course.
His dad was a greenskeeper, and his mother was Hollywood actress Louise Beavers.
He loved bacon and the show Night Court.
He also happened to be my very best friend.
Do you mind?
You got five minutes.
Hey.
Hey, you old fart.
I played pretty well today.
Yeah.
Sorry you weren't able to see it.
On account of being dead and all, I guess you…
I guess you had a pretty good excuse.
I gotta tell you, I think I got another run in me. I…
I just wish I had you by my side.
Boy, we sure had…
We sure had a ball, didn't we?
Yeah.
A lot of laughs.
A lot of grabbing ass, if you know what I mean.
And I know that you know what I mean.
Oh, I almost forgot. I'm sorry I…
I'm sorry I stole your watch.
And considering…
I know how much it meant to you.
I'm not even a watch guy.
There.
We're even.
I'll see you, buddy.
I love you.
Oh shit!
I got a tee time.
I made the cut! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
I made the cut.
Look! Old Henry, I made the cut!
Lonnie Hawkins, I'm him!
Hell yeah!
I'm… I was just eavesdropping.
- Sorry. - Oh my God. I did it.
- We're playing on the weekend! - What?
- We're playing on the weekend. - We're playing on the weekend!
- Playing on the weekend! - Yeah!
Come on, bring it in, titties.
- Lucky you showed up when you did. - Really? Why's that?
Wouldn't be nothing to see. We're cremating him in half an hour.
- You're cremating him? - Yep.
That's what his daughter said to do.
You know what?
I forgot to tell him something.
All right!
Let's go get hot.
♪ Holding me back from emotion ♪
♪ Tumbling over the line ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm guilty of devotion ♪
♪ Together in my mind ♪
♪ Darling, please be mine ♪
♪ Don't you think it'd be a shame ♪
♪ To keep me on the line? ♪
♪ Keep me on the line… ♪
♪ And find yourself another man ♪
♪ Who knows you as well as I ♪
♪ As well as I… ♪
♪ Holding me back from emotion ♪
♪ Tumbling over the line ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm guilty of devotion ♪
♪ Together in my mind ♪
♪ Darling, please be mine ♪
♪ Pain, honor, pleasure ♪
♪ Life is divine ♪
♪ Holding me back from emotion ♪
♪ Tumbling over the line ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm guilty of devotion ♪
♪ Together in my mind ♪
♪ Darling, please be mine ♪