- Hey! -
Lonnie? Lonnie!
Huh?
I got you an Egg McMuffin.
- Huh? - And, your choice…
Either a McFlurry with M&M's or a strawberry shake.
For breakfast? Neither.
Both for me. Yes!
What are you doing?
- Where'd you go there? - What do you mean?
Well, you're laying here all bug-eyed and zoning out.
- You still thinking about Old Henry? - No. No.
I was just… I was just meditating, yeah.
- Just trying to get psyched up. - For what?
Well, 'cause this is the first cut I made this season.
I need this. I need to win. I mean, think about it.
I'm… I'm 42 years old.
Oh, you're not joking, okay.
I gotta make it back up to the Tour. Know what my son said to me last week?
- "Dad, I'm a homosexual." - What?
- "I'm gonna join the Marines." - No. No, he did not say that.
Hmm.
He said to me that he thought I should retire.
Open up a pro shop and a checking account.
- You don't have a checking account? - I don't have time.
- I've never had time. - Oh. Okay.
I mean, he needs to know the real Lonnie Hawkins.
I think you should show him the real Lonnie Hawkins,
what you just said.
- Let's fucking do it. - Let's fucking do it, man.
- Give me that McFlurry. - No.
Give me that McF--
I will fight you to the fucking death.
- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪
♪ He's a golfer ♪
♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪
- So what's your tee time? - Hmm?
Your tee time?
Uh… 12:30.
Back-to-back wins if you win tomorrow.
Now that would send a message to the golf world.
Uh-huh. What's up, dude?
Look, we've got this. We've been manifesting all morning.
- Right, Lance? - Yeah, we've been manifesting it up.
- Manifesting? - Now, what exactly is manifesting?
I know, but you should tell him.
Yeah, manifesting is an enriched state of concentration
that aligns your thoughts, emotions, and actions
with your goals and desires and makes them a reality.
I'm gonna manifest myself another mimosa.
You can manifest all you want,
but those other golfers with their "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am…"
It's like they were all squirted out of the same polite white boy tube
straight into polo shirts, so don't be fooled,
because they're pro golfers, and they're animals,
and they're here to tear Lance a new asshole, so manifest on that.
Wow, okay. Well, look… Remember, Lance, you're gonna be fine.
You've done the work. You're ready for this.
- Mm-hmm. - Calm.
- Focused.
- Present.
- We know what we want.
We know what we want.
- Hmm. - Interesting.
Do you, Lance? You know what you wanna do today?
Uh… yeah.
- Win. - That's what Mama wants to hear.
Okay, I'm gonna go see who's sleeping with who,
and I will see you, my darling, at the end of your round.
Okay.
- I love you so much. - Love you.
This guy is ripped.
Look at the way his pants hug his legs.
More like an MMA fighter than a golfer.
Hey, just 'cause he's ripped and has long, beautiful eyelashes
does not change the fact that we are here to hand some ass today, right?
Yeah. Yeah, okay, we're gonna hand some ass.
- Damn! - Wow!
Oh.
- Get in the hole! - Nice shot, Jasper.
A 2009 number one golfer, Lonnie Hawkins.
Yeah! Come on, y'all! Give it up, give him something!
Let's go!
Hey there, little buddy, how you been? Yeah, good?
Listen, um…
I'm in a little bit of a situation right now.
You need to go farther than that ball, okay?
Please?
No, no, no, no, no.
Eyes over here, not over there.
Besties for life.
Come on, now.
You little shit, I asked you to do one goddamn thing.
Left!
Fuck! God…
Lonnie.
- Know what I think is weird? - No, but you're gonna tell me.
Your mom runs up and kisses you after every round you play.
Only if I win.
Well, maybe when you win today, you could kiss me instead of your mom.
Why?
I don't know, 'cause I'm about to be your wife.
And maybe kissing your mom on the lips on national television is weird.
I don't think… I think you're making this weird.
- I don't think it's weird. - It's weird.
Okay, well, it's just, it's… It's like kind of our thing.
Isn't that much better?
My mom's a better kisser, I thi--
- Oh my God. - I'm joking, it's a joke.
Are you?
Let's see, we're about 220, 230…
Gosh, what do I do? Go for it?
Maybe I lay up? Shit, I don't know.
- You know what? Give me the five wood. - All right.
Know that gorgeous guy we're playing against with the long eyelashes?
No.
Well, long eyelashes are actually a sign that you have seasonal allergies.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Well, we're not just playing against that guy.
In golf, you play against the entirety of the field.
Mmm. Well, that's a relief, because we've done 12 holes already,
and that guy's killing us.
The hardest game in the world.
Hmm.
Oh, mama, I'm back.
Oh, I'm not back.
No, mama. Left! Left! Left!
Fore!
- Ooh… - Medic!
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
Why am I playing so bad?
Let's get her strapped in.
Ma'am, a little respect. Mr. Hawkins is trying to hit his ball.
Argh!
- Dirty whore. - What?
You heard him! He called you a dirty whore!
- Shut up! - No, no, Sam, I was talking to the ball.
- Not her? - No.
- Oh. - Ma'am. Ma'am, I'm so sorry.
I just hit a bad shot. I meant no disrespect.
You know what?
How would you like a very special Lonnie Hawkins stamped golf ball?
It's very collectible.
Okay, try to make a fist.
There you go, squeeze it.
Never mind.
Hey, your forehead helped my lie, if that's any consolation.
- Sorry about that. - Hey, kid.
You didn't see shit.
12:30 start, Lance Hawkins.
Let's go, Lance! Let's go!
About 275 to carry.
Stay to the right, and you'll be good.
Hey, do me a favor. Check on my dad, will you?
Mom told me he made the cut down at the Korn Ferry.
- Just wanna see how he's doing. - Got it.
Nice.
- How's he doing? - Brutal.
Six back.
Bogied the last three holes.
I tried to tell him, Carl, it's a young man's game.
I mean, you know how much I'd love to play in a tournament with him.
Is that so?
Yeah, it's just not gonna happen, though.
It's too bad. I would've really loved that.
Shit!
Do you want me to get you a different club?
Something with a scoop to it, maybe?
There's no scoop club, Sam.
- What is happening? - Oh my God.
Why can't I hit that ball?
- You all right, bud? - Why does this ball hate me?
- Are you fucking the sand? - Why?
How's he doing now?
Well, he was fornicating with a bunker and almost killed a woman.
I don't even care. It's just… it's funny.
When I heard he made the cut for the first time in a long time,
I was like, "Hey, maybe he still has some gas left in the tank after all."
You know how much I'd love to play in a tournament with my dad.
- Yeah, you've said that before. - I just… I kind of feel bad for him.
You know, the funny thing is, he probably thinks I'm afraid of him.
- Oh, come on. - I'm not.
- No, of course not. - I'm not.
No. No, no.
We're not handing ass, are we?
I'm lucky if we get off this green with a triple goddamn bogey,
so no, we have not handed a single ass.
It's called Teed Off, Darcy.
It's kind of like teeing off in golf, but with attitude.
I love it. So fun.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Stacy Hawkins, as I live and breathe.
- Hello, Darcy. - Hi. Call me.
Anton. What a pleasure.
I see that boy of yours is off to a great start.
- Oh, he sure is. - The PGA Tour needs young men like him.
You don't have to worry about Lance. He's not his father. That's for sure.
Radford… Radford.
Um, I would like to introduce you to Anton Floyd.
He's on the board of the PGA Tour.
- Oh. - Mm-hmm.
Now, I believe we met before.
Was it a private function for Liz Cheney at Ocean Reef?
Perhaps.
Never forget a smart-dressed man like you.
Are you here for the whole tournament, Anton?
No, I can't. I'm headed back tonight to our headquarters in Florida.
We have business.
Oh, speaking of business--
How is Lonnie, by the way? I always liked him.
Real fun for golf, he was.
What a hoot.
Her ex-husband was so much fun.
Oh, they're still married.
Um… Oh, listen, Anton.
I wanted to tell you, I have a new beverage called Teed Off.
- I'd love if I could have a few minutes-- - Oh, of course, Stacy.
Just call the office and we'll schedule something.
And be sure to say hello to your boy for me.
Oh, I will. Thank you, Anton. I appreciate it. Thank you.
What a fucking prick.
Really? Oh.
You know, we should really develop some sort of sign system
whereby you tell me… you know, who you like, who you don't like.
I'm starting to get confused.
Everyone knows Lonnie fucked his wife on the 18th at Pebble.
Common knowledge.
Mmm…
So I've been studying this game of golf for three days now, and I think I get it.
How so?
Well, sometimes you play good, and sometimes you play bad.
- Mas or menos. - Mmm.
Look at this, I'm not even eating these. I don't know what I'm doing.
You want one of those fancy pickles you like?
I didn't earn a pickle. I played like shit today.
But hey, by my theory, you could still win this thing, right?
You can play good tomorrow.
I wanted it too much.
I was too tight.
- Mmm. - I'm 11 strokes back from the leader.
I mean…
There's no making that up, no matter how I play.
Oh, so no pickle for you, no payday for me.
Oof. Tough one out there today, Lonnie.
Eat shit, Mike.
Get the fuck out of here, Mike.
God, I really thought my game had come back.
Thought I was on a run, but it was just a hot streak.
What's the difference?
Well, a hot streak is good, especially if you're going into a major,
but a run, that feeling's like nothing else.
Take a hot streak. You know when you're holding your piss all day long,
and you really gotta go, and you…
you find a toilet, and…
…that urination is the greatest feeling of all time?
Mm-hmm. Sure.
- But a run is more like a dump. - Ahh.
Not just any old dump, like a steak and potatoes dump.
Oh. Got it.
The type of dump you tell your friends about.
The type you… you post on the internet.
The type that you still feel long after you've left the bathroom.
- You know that feeling? - I love that.
- But that wasn't a run? - No.
It was a hot streak, but it's gone.
Hey.
That's not your bus.
Correct, young man.
This is not my bus.
Can you think of a reason why I'd be driving this dumpster on wheels
with that beautiful machine sitting right there?
No, sir.
Then we are in agreement.
Yeah.
This is not my bus.
Now, fuck off, kid.
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
Well, maybe you were on a hot streak 'cause you were having more fun.
And maybe you need to shut up 'cause you're not a sports psychologist.
When did you start playing golf?
When I was 10.
My mom got me a driver, a seven iron, and a putter.
Huh.
Yeah, she was sleeping with the mailman.
And my teacher.
I think maybe one of the neighbors too.
Anyway, every afternoon she'd give me $2 to go play at the public course,
get me out of the house.
I'd just pocket the money and sneak onto the course anyway.
- So then you got good at golf? - No, I didn't get good at golf.
I got great at golf.
First time I hit that little white ball,
man, I was hooked.
It was in me.
With those three clubs, I could make a golf ball dance like Paula Abdul.
Mmm!
Wait, who is that?
- Are you shitting me? - Nope.
- Hey, I got a great idea. - Hmm?
- Come with me. - We're taking off?
Yeah, come on.
Hey, Tanner. Put this on Mike's tab.
Let's get this up and down. Make us a par.
Maybe I don't want a par, Carl.
Maybe I want a birdie.
Hey, just curious.
How'd my dad end up?
Crash and burn just like you said.
Eleven out going into Sunday. You happy now?
He's just gotta hang it up.
Get there, that looks good.
Just get there. Get there. Get in the hole!
Hey!
Whoo-ooh!
Golf is easy.
Go tell your friends. Two for you.
I do believe your son is on the 18th.
What? I gotta be there.
- Oh my God. - Oh!
All right, well, hold on. Let me get my drink.
There's my Lance! Mom coming through!
Excuse me, mother coming through.
There's my Lance. There's…
God damn it.
Hell yeah.
Where did you take me?
Well, this is the nearest public course I could find on Google.
Oh.
Hold this.
Okay.
I got this.
- I've done it a million times. - Done what?
What's going on?
Just watch.
- Okay. - Ha ha!
- Hua! - Amateur stuff, kid.
Let me show you how a pro does it.
Yeah, come on now.
♪ My mama said that you ain't much ♪
♪ Watch me do my double dutch ♪
Whoa!
Oh!
Are you okay?
Hey… did it look cool?
No.
You look like a fucking idiot.
So when the branzino comes off the grill, it's gotta just go straight to the plate.
No butter, no aioli, no salt, nothing.
Just… G to P.
- G to P? - G to P.
G to P.
Grill to plate. They did it for us last time.
- Got it. - It's not rocket science.
Right?
So, Finau's gonna be tough to catch tomorrow,
and Golden's playing well too.
You got this, honey. Two back? That's nothing.
- It's nothing. - Two back. Get after it, Lance.
- Getting after it, baby. - Cheers.
- Water.
Natalie, how'd you do it? How'd you get this boy to straighten up?
Oh, come on.
I wasn't that bad before she came along.
What? Shit! Back at U of A, this guy was an animal.
Dude, you remember spring break?
Tulum, Mexico?
- Come on. You remember that? - Stop.
- I'm sure he doesn't. - Don't listen to them.
They're just jokesters.
- Yeah… Yeah… - No. He went missing for four days.
We found him 200 miles away in a hospital down in Belize.
It was so scary.
- Is that true? - Yeah!
- It's true. - No, it's not.
He's joking. They're totally kidding around.
- They always do this. Stop, cut it out. - It's not true, no.
Shut your stupid fucking mouth, man.
Yeah, shut up, bro. Where you come up with this shit?
Uh, I gotta…
- I gotta bounce. - What?
Sorry, yeah. Jerry, I just gotta jump in some ice before the treadmill.
- Yeah, you got it, big dog. - Wait. Lance, what about your branzino?
Without the grindino, there'd be no branzino.
- Am I right? Love you. - Mmm.
♪ They see me rollin' ♪
♪ They hatin' ♪
♪ Patrollin' ♪
♪ Tryna catch me ridin' dirty ♪
♪ Tryna catch me ridin' ♪
♪ Dirty ♪
- Yeah. Hoo! - Whoo!
Oh man.
Yeah, I don't get it.
What's the difference between
this course and the private one that we've been playing on?
This is a public course.
It's open to everyone.
- Everyone? - Sure.
Men, women, young, old,
the duffers, the scratch golfers,
the whole kit and caboodle.
- Black people? - Mm-hmm.
Of course.
Well, I haven't seen a Black person play golf in three days.
They play. They play all the time.
- Okay. - Tiger Woods.
Uh-huh. That's who you got?
- Yeah. - That's very obvious.
Bagger Vance.
Fictional.
Uh, psshh…
Michael Jordan.
Carlton from The Fresh Prince.
- Just hit another ball. - Obama.
Ooh.
- Oh, nice. - Yeah.
Doesn't it feel good being out here? Public course, three clubs.
It feels great.
- Bringing some stuff back, huh? - Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
Well, how about you hit that?
When'd you put that out?
When you went to piss. That's the guy that beat you at the US Open, right?
- Yeah. - Golden Faucet.
- Fisk. - Well, see if you can hit him.
Okay.
Here comes Lonnie Hawkins.
Oh yeah!
Yeah. Come on.
Lonnie Hawkins.
- Yeah. - Nice.
Ho-ho!
Baby.
- Yeah. - Lonnie Hawkins.
- Lonnie Hawkins! - Gimme some of that.
Oh shit, it's the cops.
- I can't go to jail again. - What?
I, uh… Never mind. Let's go.
- Get the clubs. - Okay.
Get the clubs.
- Okay, come on. - Okay.
- Let me do all the talking. - Okay.
Clarity.
Determination.
Vision.
Focus.
♪ I wanna holler But the joint's too small ♪
♪ Young man rhythm's Got a hold of me too ♪
♪ I got the rockin' pneumonia And the boogie woogie flu… ♪
We are a team.
An unbeatable team.
- Purpose. - Power.
- See it. - Be it.
Stop. Look at me.
Don't look at that.
Mm-hmm.
We deserve to win.
- Do we need to do this again? - Yes, it's all about repetition.
I feel like we've done it three times.
- Lance, do you wanna win or not? - Yeah, I do.
Showtime, folks.
What do you want?
Just checking in.
Bullshit.
Just seeing how you're doing over at Charles Schwab.
You could watch on SportsCenter. But look, I don't have time for this.
Yeah, I gotta go too. I'm about to tee off.
- I'm hitting them like 2009. - Excuse me.
- Right. - Oh. Hold up.
Ahh…
Last I checked, you were 11 off from the lead.
Wait a minute.
You checking in on me?
No.
You don't think I can win this thing, huh?
- From 11 back? - You wanna bet some money on it?
Yeah, as a matter of fact… Actually, no.
No. You know I don't gamble anymore. Come on.
Okay, I'll go easy on you. How about dinner? Olive Garden.
Fine. I gotta go.
Are we done here?
You hear footsteps?
- What? - Listen.
Do you hear footsteps?
No.
Your old man's coming for you.
Okay.
Hello? Hello…
Teeing off, three-time major winner and 2009 Player of the Year,
Lonnie Hawkins.
Lonnie! Yeah!
Did you, uh, forget something, young lady?
Nope, we're playing with three clubs today.
All right, come on, Lonnie.
Nice! Yes!
- That's how it's done. - Got it.
- ♪ They see me rollin', they hatin' ♪
♪ Patrollin' They tryna catch me ridin' dirty ♪
Birdie.
And birdie.
♪ Grindin' to see if they can see me lean I'm tint, so it ain't easy to be seen ♪
God damn it, that's a good shot, Lonnie.
Hoo!
♪ I'm ridin' with a new chick She like, "Hold up!" ♪
♪ Next to the PlayStation controller ♪
♪ It's a full clip in my pistola ♪
Yes!
- ♪ They see me rollin' ♪ - Whoo!
♪ They hatin' Patrollin' ♪
Yeah!
Yeah, baby!
♪ Tryna catch me ridin' dirty Tryna catch me ridin' dirty ♪
Fuck yeah!
- Next on tee, Lance Hawkins. - There he is, that's my boy!
You got it.
Yay!
How we doin', Baby Hawk?
Golden.
Who are all these people?
These are my people, Sam.
- They've been waiting. - For what?
You'll see.
Yes!
Yeah, baby.
Yeah!
- That was a great round, Lonnie. - Yeah, sure as shit was, yeah.
- Good to see you guys. - Thank you so much.
- Good job. - Well done.
- Yeah! - Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
He did it with three clubs!
Come on, now.
Motherfucker.
What?
Lonnie.
Laszlo, phone.
- That's unbelievable. - What?
Your dad came from 11 back
in some shithouse tournament
and ended up four strokes up.
He's projected to win.
No, he's not. Gimme that. Gimme this phone, Carl.
And he did it with three clubs.
Oh, fuck me.
The old Hawk.
He always could get on a heater.
Shit. Laszlo, blond.
I think she's got a case of the Goldens.
How you doing?
Do you hear footsteps?
Your old man's coming for you.
Oh…
Oh, fuck.
- ♪ Every morning find me moanin' ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ 'Cause of all the trouble I see ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪
- ♪ Life's a losing gamble to me ♪ - ♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ Cares and woes have got me moanin' ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ Every evening find me moanin' ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ I'm alone and cryin' the blues ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ I'm so tired of payin' these dues ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ Lord, I spend Plenty of days and nights ♪
♪ Alone with my grief Alone with my grief ♪
♪ Lord, I pray, I really and truly pray ♪
♪ Somebody will come and make me believe ♪
- ♪ Every morning find me moanin' ♪ - ♪ Yes, Lord ♪
- ♪ 'Cause of all the trouble I see ♪ - ♪ Yes, Lord ♪
- ♪ Life's a losing gamble to me ♪ - ♪ Yes, Lord ♪
- ♪ Cares and woes have got me moanin' ♪ - ♪ Yes, Lord ♪
♪ Lord, I try, really and truly try ♪
♪ To find some relief, find some relief ♪
♪ Lord, I spend Plenty of days and nights ♪
♪ Alone with my grief Alone with my grief ♪
♪ Lord, I pray, I really and truly pray ♪
♪ To find some relief ♪
♪ Yes, Lord ♪