Maybe the greatest choke in golf history.
Lonnie Hawkins, on the verge of a career Grand Slam,
misses a three-foot putt, losing to Golden Fisk
and was sent off to relative obscurity.
Until now.
Last week, using just three clubs… you heard me right, three clubs,
he comes back from 11 down to win his first tournament in years.
Follows that up with a win at the Visit Knoxville Open.
Whoo!
Teamed up with a caddie that he found in a Walmart parking lot…
Suck it, you guys.
…is one win away from returning to the PGA Tour.
To all the Lonnie Hawkins fans out there, remember.
Old golfers never die,
they just lose their balls.
Hey, who all here thinks I'm gonna win my next tournament?
Yeah!
And for the record, I still have both my testicles.
Amen to that!
Their names are Alanis and Morissette.
Isn't that ironic?
Hey, drinks on me!
- Yeah! - Whoo, yeah!
No well drinks. Just beer and wine.
- Just beer. - Yeah.
- But still, on me. - Whoo!
- Lonnie! Lonnie! - Lonnie Hawkins, y'all.
- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪
♪ He's a golfer ♪
♪The greatest golfer in the world! ♪
…is one win away from returning to the PGA Tour.
To all the Lonnie Hawkins fans out there, remember.
Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls.
Van Pelt is the man!
Yo, did you hear that, Lance? Epic.
Shut the fuck up, Jerry. Just focus, okay?
Yeah, for sure.
- God damn it! - You're all right.
Load and explode.
- Hi. - Oh my God! What?
- Oh, hey, babe. - Hey…
- Little stressed? - No, not at all.
Just… working on my swing. What's up?
Um, what did you decide about your dad?
Uh, you need an answer, like, right now?
Kinda. The engagement party's in one week.
Hell yeah, it is. My boy's getting hitched!
Well, engaged. What's the big deal?
I just gotta know.
Wouldn't it be weird to not invite him, though?
I mean, we're inviting, like, half the Tour,
even assholes like Golden Fisk and Anton Floyd.
Well, yeah, but they're gonna show up.
Yeah.
You don't wanna be all stressed out and disappointed
like you were at Old Henry's funeral, do you?
No, you're right.
- I am. - I don't need that stress.
- Yeah. - No stress.
I know how important this party is to you.
Babe, it's not just for me. It's for you too.
Well, if it was for me too, we'd probably have, like, a…
doughnut tower for my boys or something.
Hell yeah.
Okay, well… let's get a doughnut tower, then.
- Yeah? - Yo, doughnut tower!
- Cheat day! - Yeah!
- I'm gonna eat so many doughnuts. - Well, we'll see.
- I love you so much. - Love you too.
Isn't she great, Jerry?
Yeah, amazing. Ugh…
Come on, get a room.
Know what I mean?
Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Yo, what's up, what's up, what's up?
How did the Dodgers blow it? They had Ohtani on the mound.
Oh shit.
Wait, I thought you… thought you weren't doing that anymore.
- I'm back, baby! - Oh. Let's go!
- Just too damn addicting. - It is. Fuck yeah, it is.
- That's why they call it an addiction. - I got it on lock. Love that rush.
Yeah, you do.
Oh, and, uh… Jerry, I need you to cover for me.
Tell Nat I'm running late this afternoon.
Maybe just… I don't know, make something up. You're good at this.
Tell her I'm at the range or something.
Of course. Just be careful, bro.
It's nothing, man. I got it on lock.
Lock it down.
Blam! There he is!
With all this money kicking in now,
why are we staying in an abandoned parking lot?
I saw a Marriott as we were driving in.
I like parking lots.
- You were living in a parking lot. - Mmm.
You know, I get it now.
The challenge,
the mental game.
Every stroke matters.
It makes sense.
Are you starting to come around? You like golf now?
- I like money. - Oh no, I can tell.
- This? - Yeah.
I wasn't sure if you'd notice.
Oh, I noticed all right. Hard not to notice.
Well, thank you.
- This is Wilsons Leather. - Mmm.
Mmm. New season, same classics.
It's, uh, not quite broken in yet.
- It'll take time. - Of course, leather product.
Yeah. I'm not jealous of much… but I'm jealous of that.
- Mm-hmm. - Look at the craftsmanship. Gorgeous.
- I'm so glad you like it. - Stunning.
- Maybe I should get some leather. - Yeah, you should!
- Wear leather pants on the golf course. - That would be really cool.
- Okay. - Excuse me.
I don't want to bother you, but me and my family are in that car over there.
We're trying to get to Indiana where my brother's got a job for me.
We're just a little short on gas money.
- Let's see. - Well…
- What do I got? - Uh, yeah, hold on here.
There you go.
Good luck in Indiana.
- Yeah, get something for those kids too. - Thank you.
Thank you both.
Now, you don't see that in a Marriott.
Nope. No, you don't.
I'm really glad that guy didn't want my leather jacket.
- No, well… I'd have fought him over that. - That would've been hard to part with.
Wow, look at that crowd.
That's not a crowd, Sam.
Those are my people. Hawk-a-holics.
♪ I like your strut Do you wanna go struttin'? ♪
- Okay. - Whoo!
I like that.
Welcome, everybody, to day four of the OccuNet Classic.
I'm Shane Bacon alongside my usual sidekick James Nitties.
And James, the talk of this tournament coming in
has been one thing and one thing only, that's Lonnie Hawkins.
It sure has. His story has taken hold.
And these people are out here to see an old hero of theirs
try to win three in a row and catapult himself back up onto the Tour.
He's gonna have a fight on his hands
paired alongside Hans Korsguaard, the Dane.
Korsguaard, what a player. He is ripping it up out here today.
He could also go up to the Tour with a win, so it's gonna be a battle.
Move, let's go! Make some room.
Watch out. Make some room. Get out of the way!
How's everybody doing today? Good? Yeah?
Here to see some golf?
Well, you picked a good day, 'cause I'm gonna play the shit out of some golf.
Yeah!
Now, I know it's etiquette to be quiet out of respect.
But what do you say today we make some fucking noise?
Get your tits in there. Come on.
- Get them chanting "balls deep." - All right. You heard him.
Balls deep! Balls deep! Balls deep!
Come on! Yes.
Hoo! Whoo!
Fuck yeah!
Hell yeah!
Ho!
- Whoo! - Yeah.
Whoo!
What are we looking at?
Well, uh… Somebody fart?
Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
- Ho-ho! - Ah-ha-ha!
Mmm!
- Let's close it up. - Yeah.
It's just another hole.
Not exactly.
It's a defining moment.
One of us will ascend the ranks of golf to its pinnacle, the PGA Tour.
The other will continue to play in the mud with the pigs.
You haven't said a fucking word all day.
This hole will dictate our destiny.
Look, I'm one stroke up, buddy.
- I got a three-foot putt here. - A lot is riding on it.
I'd love it if you'd go back to not speaking.
You will not make this putt.
I'm sorry. All the glory will go to me today.
We Danes, we have a phrase for men like you.
The man that almost wins, but never does.
- "Trist tom slap klovn." - Okay. Well, you don't need to translate.
"Sad, empty, limp clown."
- Thank you. Your English is very good. - I know.
God, remind me not to go to Dane land.
For real.
Which one do you want?
- I want the putter. - Oh, okay.
I got you.
- Oh God. You tapped my nuts. - Oh, sorry! I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
And it's just light enough to make me feel nauseous.
Sorry, man.
Looks exactly like the putt you missed at the US Open.
The one that sent you spiraling into shameful oblivion.
I'll be watching.
James, it looks like the two golfers are engaged in some friendly ribbing.
A little gamesmanship out there.
This crowd is ready to explode.
With all that's gone on, you have to wonder
what's going through Lonnie Hawkins' mind right now.
Hey, Hans.
Why don't you slap your own klovn, you slap klovn?
Yeah! I did it!
I did it! I'm Lonnie Hawkins!
I did it all by myself.
- You did it. - I did!
- You did it just like you said! - I did it like I said I would!
Oh my God.
Listen to that crowd.
I know!
I did it.
Come on, stand up and give them what they want.
- I can't. - Are you too emotional?
No, I have a boner.
Oh, okay, okay. All right.
Yeah!
He's got a PGA boner.
Just try to get up, though.
Oh, every time I look at the crowd… the boner comes back.
Boner's back.
And he has done it.
Lonnie Hawkins, returning to the PGA Tour.
The cameras and sensors detect exactly where the ball would land
in a physical course, and I gotta say,
it's a heck of a lot of fun.
Also, it's contained.
No more weather delays. It's an unrivaled fan experience.
And the branding opportunities are endless.
This could be huge for us.
I agree. This feels like a great opportunity for us.
I'd rather join forces with these nerds than those Arabs over at LIV Golf.
You know me. Let's grow the tent. Let more people in.
Wha… What is happening?
Lonnie Hawkins, he's coming back up.
No, he is not! He's not!
Yes, he is. He just won his third Korn Ferry Tour in a row.
Shut your dirty mouth, Linda.
Isn't it wonderful? Shane Bacon over at the Golf Channel said Saturday's ratings
were higher than Love Island.
Well, it's a great story. I mean, think of it. A father and son competing.
Look, hold on, hold on. Isn't there something we can do?
Like… keep him out? You know, some code of conduct kinda thing?
Now, why would we do that, Anton? The man is gonna bring all kinds of fans to golf.
Oh, you mean those T-shirt-wearing, beer-drinking idiots
in their cutoff jeans and flip-flops?
We might as well turn every one of our tournaments into the Shit River Classic.
What in God's name is this institution coming to?
Know what? I knew it.
I was against it, but I knew it.
As soon as we let a woman up in this boardroom,
it was the end of the PGA Tour as we know it.
That's true.
It won't be long now till this room is filled with women and undesirables.
Come on. He'll be bounced out before the end of the season.
Bubba's right. Most of the golfers coming out of the qualifiers
don't make it in our league, but it's a good story.
That's cute, Brick. That's really cute.
You know what? Most of the golfers coming out of the qualifiers are not
Lonnie Hawkins!
- To kicking ass. - To kicking ass.
Did you see the look on that Danish guy's face when you sunk that putt?
Yeah. Yeah.
It looked like someone threw human shit in his face.
I mean, listen, I got nothing against the Danes.
They make the biggest dogs…
- I just don't get it. - What?
The Hawkins clan.
I mean, nothing from Stacy, Lance.
- No congratulations, nothing. - Hmm.
I thought Stacy would at least write, "Hey, where's my money?"
But Lance?
I mean, he knows I'm coming back up. He hasn't said a word.
He's probably busy with his engagement party.
With his what?
Yeah, I thought you knew.
I heard some guy in the clubhouse saying he was going to it.
Yeah.
Yeah, right. No, no.
- No, he told me. - Mmm.
I just, uh… I must have missed his invite. I'm just so focused on the tournament.
Yeah, that's probably what happened.
So what was that, uh,
you were saying about big dogs?
Oh, the Danes, so they make--
My own son didn't want me at his engagement party.
That's fucked up.
Where'd you say it was, anyway?
Guy said he was going to Pensacola.
- Pensacola? - Mm-hmm.
It's about… 28 hours away.
- 28 hours? - Mm-hmm.
Party's on Tuesday.
So if we… you know, took off right now, we could probably make it there in time.
- It's a straight shot on the 10. - Uh-huh.
Go and see my son…
Yep.
- …my wife… - Uh-huh.
…everyone from the PGA…
- They're all there, I bet. - …under one roof.
Mm-hmm.
…to celebrate me making my way back to the PGA.
On top of celebrating your son and his engagement.
- Right, right, right. - Right.
- No. - Yep.
I don't want to go there on principle alone.
You know the Blue Angels are based out of Pensacola, right?
No! I love the Blue Angels.
They're phenomenal.
What if we met one of them, and then they took us up?
- Are you kidding? - On a flight.
We'd be catching G's, that's what I heard it's called.
- But we won't, 'cause we're not going. - Nah.
- We could take these to go. - We could.
'Cause we have, like,
a couple more batches coming.
We could if we thought we should do it, but I don't see why we should.
- You're right. - Nope.
We're definitely not going.
Boom!
♪ Standing in line At the railroad station ♪
♪ Try to make it home With an explanation ♪
♪ Well, it's now or never Ain't gonna live forever ♪
♪ Got to get it together Time's ticking away, my friend ♪
Oh my God.
- How far out are we? - About 45 minutes.
Almost there.
Did I talk in my sleep?
Mm-hmm.
- About werewolves? - Yeah, you did.
I always dream about Charlie Chaplin
being chased by werewolves.
Oh. I will dream about cats.
I also dream about chicken nuggets.
Well, do me a favor. Stop if you see a Publix or a Kroger's.
Will do, boss.
- Hi. - Hey, good seeing you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Let me know what you think.
So I'm playing against Tyrell Hadney down in Austin.
We're on the backside of the long par 5. Here, hold this. And I'm about to tee off.
I say, "Do you have a nut allergy? 'Cause I'm about to nut this drive."
This is fun. This feels expensive.
Feels like we could have maybe cut back on some things.
- Yeah. - Anton, thanks for coming.
Lance, delighted to be here.
- Natalie. - Good to see you.
I see your mother pushing her hard tea on everyone.
Cheers!
- Can't you do something about that? - You want me to kick her out?
- That was a joke. - Right. No, I know.
- Hey, Lance. - Hey, you made it.
Who the fuck is that?
- Sarah. Do you know anyone at this party? - I don't think I do.
We already have a specialty mocktail, okay?
The Green's Fee. It's organic green juice served in a souvenir Ryder Cup.
- Did you come up with that? - Yeah.
God damn it.
- Well… - You're so fucking creative.
- Thanks. - God, I love that about you.
Love you too.
- Ugh. I'll go talk to her. - Thank you.
Apparently Natalie's father works in ball bearings.
Isn't that interesting?
No, Radford, it's not fucking interesting.
Hey, Mom.
Can you not pass out the hard tea drinks?
Natalie doesn't… want you to.
Come on.
This party needs a little rooty toot toot.
Yeah, I know. It really does, huh?
Lance, you know what you're getting into, right?
- Does she know what she's getting into? - What do you mean?
I mean, think about it. Like, what does she even know about you?
Lance. Great party.
Golden, so glad you came.
- Congratulations. - Thanks.
- Hey, you know my wife Bunny, right? - Hi.
Hi… uh, Bunny.
Dude, I was real sorry to see you stumble at the Schwab.
- That was too bad. - Oh no, I wasn't…
I don't think I stumbled.
You did. You got real rigid and real tight.
- Your swing, it just kinda broke down. - My swing was fine. My swing was great.
- No, hey. Where's your dad at? - My dad? Oh, he's… he's, um…
- Ah, he couldn't make it. - Man, you must be so excited.
The Hawk is on his way back up.
I mean, every golfer at the party's talking about it. It's wild.
- Yeah, I'm-- I'm… so stoked. - That's great.
You said everyone's talking about it?
- It's rippling through the crowd. - Oh yeah?
- Oh… - Stacy.
Golden.
I just can't believe how wild it is.
Imagine that, you and your dad playing in the same golf tournament.
Yeah, that is fun. That's fun. I'm not too worried about it, though.
- None of that father-son stuff? - No, no, no.
- Don't want none of that. - But how about you, Golden?
How about you and my dad playing in the same tournament?
The blast from the past that couldn't last.
- Yeah? - No, I, uh…
Well, yeah, I already killed that dragon.
Oh, you got lucky.
Twice.
- Hey, you see that? - Oh. Yeah.
She and the Hawk, they're not even together anymore.
She's still totally dedicated.
Totally loyal. I love it. I'll see y'all later. Take care.
- Okay. Thanks for the tips. - Nice to see you, Golden.
This fucking guy, man.
- Such a fucking asshole. - Fuck.
Well, look who hit the jackpot.
What's that?
Well, I got these flowers and this cute little bear.
Didn't want to show up empty-handed. I mean, who doesn't love a bear?
I don't know, people that got bit by bears?
All right, how far out are we?
Uh, just down the road.
Well, let's shake a you-know-what.
Titty bone!
Well, I maintain Rory's Nike Sumo 2 driver was non-conforming.
It's a statement of fact.
He swapped it out, so why are we still talking about it? Get over it.
I mean, give it a rest, Anton. We're all out here trying to get an edge.
Come on, just leave Rory alone.
I haven't worn socks in 15 years.
No regrets.
Okay, hi, everyone.
Really quick, we just want to say thank you so much
for making the trip out to celebrate with us today.
Whoo… Whoo!
You just gonna sit here drinking that wine?
Yeah. They've been in there drinking for hours.
I mean, if I show up sober, I'm gonna look like an idiot.
So, you know, I gotta catch up.
Mmm. Smart.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm so glad we came.
I think this is a good idea.
Yeah. No, there's no doubt.
- Mm-hmm. - It feels good.
- This was a solid decision. - For sure.
- It just feels right. - Yeah.
- You coming in? - I'm gonna sit this one out.
It's a family thing.
Get your flowers, get on out of here.
All right.
The truth is, Lance would be at the gym right now if he could be.
My boy's jacked!
The only way I could get him to his own engagement party was if I got him this.
There it is, Lance. Your doughnut tower.
Isn't she amazing? Look at this. Four feet of doughnuts. Maybe five, wow!
- Lot of holes! - Shut the fuck up, Jerry.
Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Um, but in all seriousness, this woman right here is
so much more than a smoking hot piece of ass
I saw doing fire hydrants at the Alo gym.
No, but really, she's my life partner.
Aww…
And… I don't know where I'd be without her.
- I could maybe be-- - Excuse me, coming through!
Hold on. Hold on, I'm here! Pardon me.
- Don't worry, I'm here. - You gotta be fucking kidding me.
I got here just in the nick of time, don't worry.
Oh, is that a pig in a blanket? God, that looks good.
- Oh jeez. It's okay. - Is that Lonnie Hawkins?
No problem, three-second rule.
Oh. Uh, you mind holding on to this?
- Hey, Rickie! - Hey, man.
- What a bonus. - Good to see you.
You're hitting it great right now. Golden.
- I'm gunning for you two. - How you doing, Hawk?
- Fucking do something. - What do you want me to do?
Don't sleep on a pig in the blanket. That's hitting the spot. That is good.
I mean, the first person who thought to, you know,
take dough and wrap it around a mini hot dog, that man…
or woman, because we don't know…
I don't know.
You don't know. You don't know. No one knows.
Actually, it was a woman. Betty Crocker, 1957.
That's a strong pull, Fowler. Love it.
Hey! Lance, Nancy.
So sorry I'm late. We had to book down from Amarillo, Texas.
I was playing in a tournament there, which I won, which means…
Anton! I didn't even see you there. How's that wife of yours?
She's none of your business!
It means I'm gonna be playing with my beloved son, Lance…
…in the same tournaments, 'cause I'm back up.
But you know what's the greatest gift ever?
Is for a man to spend time with his son.
Thank you.
And I want to… Give me that.
I'd just like to make a toast.
Lance, my love for you is so great,
and that's the reason I fought my way back,
so that we could play together, side by side,
and I could share with you and the world
that your daddy's not done.
I'm gonna get me that fourth major.
Cheers!
- To Nancy and Lance. - That's enough.
- Oh! - That's enough.
The ball and chain!
I'm just gonna borrow Lonnie here if everybody doesn't mind.
Looks like I'm going to the doghouse!
Stop clapping. Stop clapping!
What are you doing here? Don't answer that.
- I-- - Do not! Do not answer that.
Shh! No. Lonnie, I know why you're here.
You heard me. 'Cause I'm here to support our son.
Shut the fuck up, Lonnie.
You're here to ruin everything for everyone.
- Like you always do. - Oh my God…
I'm not even gonna…
Did you not notice that no one invited you to this, Lonnie?
Did you ever think why that might have happened?
Yeah, because I don't have a mailbox. That's probably the reason.
- Wow, you're delusional. - I don't think I'm delusional.
There is no doughnut on this doughnut you have come in contact with
that wasn't ruined by your bullshit.
Well, that's an exaggeration.
- And that doughnut, your son back there? - Yeah. We made him.
- He's wound so doughnut… - Yeah.
Only me and the game of doughnut holding him together.
- Did you know that? - I did not know that.
Thank you for informing me of that.
I told you that if you got back up here I would cut your dick off, so…
Whoops.
Don't look at me. That was a poorly constructed doughnut tower.
That was not my fault.
Whoever built that thing knows nothing about towers or doughnuts.
All right?
- Everyone okay? Let's get a head count. - Lonnie, just get the fuck out of here.
Leave us all alone! I have had it.
- Get out! - Okay, she's upset.
I get it. I owe you. I do.
And I'll pay you back.
But I got a good thing going here.
I don't know, the season ends in like a month.
Vegas? No. No, not Vegas.
Bad things happen in Vegas. Uh-uh, you are on your own.
And stop following me, it's creepy.
Fuck that guy.
Hey. Doughnut?
You fucking serious?
What I said, I meant it.
Wouldn't it be neat if we could both play together?
LeBron and Bronny.
I mean, the PGA Tour would go nuts. Wouldn't that be cool?
No, it wouldn't be cool. Okay, you didn't come back so you could play with me.
I did. LeBron and Bronny.
No. You came back because you saw that I was making a name for myself.
- And you couldn't stand it. - I want you to be great too.
We both can be great.
LeBron and Bronny.
- Stop saying LeBron and Bronny. - Well, what else am I gonna say?
This isn't a LeBron and Bronny situation.
LeBron and Bronny are on the same team, okay?
That's the point, Dad.
We're not on the same team.
So good luck out there, because I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Good. - Good for me.
- Good. - Good?
- Yeah, good. - Yeah, good.
- Lance. - Good.
Good.
Lance, let's go.
Be right there. See you later, Lonnie.
It's "Dad."
Yeah, well, it's Natalie.
Okay? It's not Nancy.
And, Lonnie.
Yeah?
Fuck you.
Right.
Oh, how'd it go?
Well, surprisingly… I mean, really well, yeah.
Yeah, it was, uh, you know… It was a good time.
I mean, doughnut tower…
- Ooh. - Open bar, raw bar.
That's sweet.
Overall, a win. I'd say a win.
All right, well, that's great. I'm… You know, I'm glad you went.
You don't have a doughnut in your pocket, do you?
I do, I have a pocket doughnut.
- Oh! - Ooh!
Fuck you, Lonnie!
Ho-ho! You gotta love the passion!
That is one hot tamale!
Oh-ho!
Fuck you!
You fucking piece of shit!