It's gonna be the manifold. I knew it.
I should have checked the manifold. Goddamn manifold, right?
You don't know shit about engines. It's the belt.
Well, the belt's connected to the manifold, so…
Stop it, all right?
It is a belt. It is a serpentine belt.
Oh, serpentine belt.
I saw an auto parts shop before we got on the road.
I can fix it, but it'll take like half a day.
Okay, well, how far away is the golf course?
I don't know, 20, 30 miles.
You know, I got this.
I'm gonna hitch. I've hitched to many a tournament.
- You're gonna hitchhike? - Yeah, why not?
Who's gonna stop for a creepy old guy in golf shoes?
Know what? I'll see you this afternoon.
All right.
- You're gonna get killed. If I do, you can have the bus.
It'll be like two serial killers who troll the highways looking for drifters.
They're gonna turn your face into a mask and rob banks with it.
It'll be Lonnie Hawkins on wanted posters everywhere.
But it won't be you.
'Cause you'll be cut up into a dumpster behind a truck stop somewhere.
What did I tell you? Huh?
Look, huh? Duh!
Un-fucking-believable.
- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪
♪ He's a golfer ♪
♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪
Oof! That was gonna be a long walk.
I got a golf tournament in Los Angeles, so I really appreciate it.
That's where I'm headed. I'm… I'm a PGA Tour player.
You may have recognized me. Uh, Lonnie "The Hawk" Hawkins.
Oh, where's my visor?
I heard of you.
Good. Well, good.
That's nice.
- That girl back there… - Yeah.
She your girlfriend?
- Her? - Yeah.
No, no, no. She's my caddie.
- Oh, your caddie. - Yeah.
Do you fuck her?
I'm sorry?
No. What?
- No? - Uh-uh. No.
Do you want to?
Are you gonna cut my face off and make a mask out of it?
You see this shit?
Golf Digest. Really?
Unbelievable.
Oh God.
They're just trying to stir up some big underdog story.
- Don't let it bother you. - How am I supposed to do that?
You see the pairings for Thursday?
They put us in the same group. He's not even ranked in the top 500.
Honey, stop. It's just for TV.
I just need to break something.
- I need to break something. - Hey, Lance, whoa!
Whoa. Let's try some manifesting.
Um… stupid.
I can't "manifest" him out of the tournament.
- Come on. - Okay.
I gotta get in some ice!
Hey.
What?
Where did you go last night?
What are you talking about?
- I was with you at the engagement thing. - I know, but after, when we got back home.
I told you, I had to, uh, hit the range.
Okay, well, I just saw you looking at your phone, and then I saw you leave, so…
Are you having an affair?
Be honest.
An affair? Are you… What, are you crazy?
- No, I don't know. - Come on.
You've been acting really strange, and closed off, and…
Don't do this right now. I have to focus.
You know how hard golf is at this level? It's not some fucking bank job.
And you're coming in accusing me of having an affair?
Are you having an affair?
Look, I'm so sorry.
I'm just stressed.
Now I… I love you so much. I wish I could stay here with you all day.
You look so fucking sexy in your little jammies right now, but I just, I can't.
I got a practice round at 2:00. I gotta jump in some ice.
Oh, and Nat?
- You look great. - Great.
Look at this shit.
Is that Lonnie Hawkins? I thought he was retired.
Does that look retired to you?
He looks old.
Oh, not like you remember him?
Now, Anton, I thought we were done talking about that a long time ago.
I just get so mad when I think about his hands on your voluptuous titties.
Well, then don't.
Him undulating all over you like a wild hog on a deer carcass?
Okay, he didn't undulate… that much. And it was over 15 years ago.
You need to get over it.
Okay, I know. I know. I'm just so steaming mad!
- I mean, look at me. I'm a wonderful guy. - Mm-hmm.
There are those who want me to be the next PGA Tour commissioner.
You have to be.
And then along comes this walking bag of burps and farts,
and suddenly everybody ejaculates in their pants.
Why don't you kick him out of the Tour? You're on the board.
I can't. He is back up fair and square.
- I feel so weak in my bones. - Mmm.
I'm gonna go check on my beehives.
Okay.
Do you want me to have Selma draw you a warm bath?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
Selma!
Can you believe this shit?
What, dear?
This, my husband.
Dirtbag of the century on the cover of Golf Digest.
Whoo.
Well, looky there.
I have been trying so hard to get Lance on the cover of this magazine,
and this shithole walks out of a dump,
and there he is, taking up space.
Well, Lance was in the magazine last month.
Ten best players to watch? That doesn't mean shit.
Is this about Teed Off?
No, this is about the mental health of my son.
You sure about that?
- What are you getting at, Radford? - Jessalynn Siwa.
- What? - JoJo's mom.
Who?
JoJo Siwa, the adorable little muffin on Dance Moms.
I don't even know what that is.
♪ I don't really care about what they say I'mma come back like a boomerang ♪
- The hell's that? - You have to listen to that.
- That is like the greatest song ever. - Never heard it.
Never mind, listen.
I'm not saying… this is you, dear.
But some people… and not everyone…
but some people thought that Jessalynn Siwa, JoJo Siwa's mom,
pushed her daughter, and used her fame to enrich her own self.
- Excuse me? - Not saying she was you.
- Sounds like it. - Well… no.
It only sounds like it 'cause you're hearing that.
Now, listen, it's a different situation.
Lance is grown and he can do whatever he wants.
That's right, he can.
So it's very different.
- And no one is like JoJo Siwa-- - Radford, let me-- Radford?
Yes?
Let me ask you a question. Have you ever been a mother?
- You know I don't have children. - Have you ever been a mother?
No, I have not.
Listen to me, I don't know this Jessalynn woman or her child JoJo, okay?
But maybe, as a mother, she knew something about her child
that no one else in the world could know, okay? You with me?
Maybe she knew that her daughter needed to be pushed.
Pushed by someone who cared. And if she wasn't pushing,
that child would crack up faster than plates at a Greek… wedding.
And you always use the Greek wedding analogy.
And you know what? It works, and you're right.
- Thank you. - You're always right.
Well, listen, what's best for Lance is best for me.
And right now, I have someone pissing on my parade.
I just think you should back off Natalie is all.
- No, I'm talking about this asshole. - Okay.
- Okay? - Just be careful, that's all.
Now I may not have been a father, but I was a son.
And fathers and sons have been confounding mankind since Sophocles.
- Mmm… - You're walking a razor's edge there.
I've been walking on that edge my whole life.
Well, thank you for not cutting my face off.
Hope you have a great day.
You have a great day as well.
Oh, please. Please don't.
Easy, son.
Easy.
I just want you to have this jar of pickles I made.
Oh.
You're all right in my book.
All right, well… thank you.
Hey.
Play it as it lies, Lonnie Hawkins.
Play it as it lies.
Right.
I ran this through the belt path. It looks like I need a 72.42.
You know the make of the car?
Do you have a 72.42?
Ma'am, you can't just put any belt on a car.
You gotta know the make and the model of the vehicle.
I'm sorry.
I should have said from the get-go, my brother, who's a mechanic,
he would like a 72.42 Goodyear serpentine belt.
- You got it. - Okay, thank you.
I know who you are.
- Are you a cop? - Funny, cop.
No, you're Lonnie Hawkins' caddie.
Uh… yeah, I am.
I'm in town, uh, for the tournament tomorrow.
I can't wait to see the Hawk hit again. Unh!
So cool. What a story, right?
Oh yeah, he's gonna… he's gonna crush.
And, um, I'll be with him the whole way.
Hey, would it be rude, uh… could I just do a quick picture with you?
- With me? - Yeah.
Um… uh…
- Sure. - So great. Lonnie Hawkins' caddie.
On three, say "Hawk."
One, two, three.
- Hawk! - Hawk!
- Let's get another one. - All right.
I'm gonna do a sexy face 'cause my friends will love it.
- Hey! - Whoo!
Three-time major winner, former world number one
from Yuba City, California, Lonnie Hawkins, checking in.
I have your credentials here, Mr. Hawkins. Good to have you back.
- Well, thank you. Did you miss me? - Oh yeah.
I figured I'd show some of these hacks how to play golf, huh?
Well, shit. I guess they'll let anybody into the PGA Tour nowadays, huh?
I'm just busting balls.
Hey, had a great time at Lance's engagement party.
You, uh…
You sure know how to make an entrance, huh?
Well, I had to be there for Lance.
Family, that's all that matters in the end.
Yeah, I'm always saying that.
Family.
Anyhow, I see you got your jar of pickles with you.
You gonna make us all a Reuben sandwich?
- I like mine on rye bread, all right? - I'm not good at making sandwiches.
- Right this way, Mr. Fisk. - Thanks, cutie. Here you go.
Come on, walk with me. You're not gonna carry that thing yourself, are you?
- No. - Huh.
Don't tell me you brought that girl,
the one with the leather outfit and the old high tops up with you, huh?
- Is that what you did? - Yeah.
Where'd you get that thing? Oh yeah, Walmart, I think I read.
Hey, look at these little Goldens.
Well, I guess if you can buy a gun and a waterbed at Walmart,
they'll have caddies too, right?
Was she, uh… was she at least on sale?
Hey, joke's on you. Walmart doesn't need sales with such everyday low prices.
Well, to each his own. To each his own.
I hope you can stick around, Lonnie,
'cause the game up here, it's changed a lot.
Looks like golf to me whenever I see it on TV.
No, shit, these kids, they're playing a whole new game.
I mean, it's all cardio and kettlebells.
It's not Ketel One and smoking heaters like the old days.
Even I've had to adapt, and I'm nowhere near as old as you are.
Hey, did you hear they got you, me, and Lance in the same pairing tomorrow?
Did you hear that? TV sets are gonna blow up.
I did! Yeah, I did.
Right, so get ready.
- "Get ready"? - Get ready.
No, I heard you. "Get ready," that's it?
- Did I stutter? - Yeah, you've been stuttering.
You sound like a broken Rain Bird sprinkler. You're like…
No, that would be…
Da-da-da-da-da. Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha.
Da-da-da-da. Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha.
I like it. You still got it. Whoa…
I don't know where you been, but you ain't missed any meals.
- Huh? All right, see you tomorrow. - Back off.
Be cool.
Hey, how y'all doing?
I wanna get a round for everybody at the bar on Golden Fisk,
2010 US Open champion.
- Good luck! - Thank you.
Go, Hawk!
Just these guys, bro.
All right.
Get in. I'll give you a ride.
I'd rather walk.
Get in, Sam.
I got a good thing going here, all right?
I'm respected, I'm making money.
That golfer guy, he's on a run.
Do you know what a run is?
I do not, but I like him, all right? He's not a pervert.
- I was gonna kill him. - What?
I thought he might be shacking up with you.
Dad!
- I am a lesbian! - Well, I don't know!
The kids today, they change their sex back and forth, back and forth,
fucking whoever they want.
Well, I'm telling you, this guy and I, we connect.
We have fun.
I could get a new life,
one that I'm proud of.
But this Vegas thing…
- Oh God. - No, just hear me out now.
Look, it's big. Some high-stakes, secret-ass poker game.
- The money's just sitting there. - Dad, I can't, all right?
It's not in me.
Okay, champ.
But you owe me still.
I know, and I will honor the code.
Are we good?
Yeah, we're good.
- Good. All right. - Listen to this, though.
Come on.
- Yeah. - Come on!
It sounds stolen.
Jerry, I need two hours on the table today,
and I'm supposed to be front-loading protein.
You gotta listen to my body here, Jerry.
I'm on it, buddy. I'm just pulling up to the clubhouse now.
You at the range?
No, I'm… fucking stuck in line at Starbucks.
I said grande!
Classic.
Hey, I need a quick loaner.
I'd pull it out of my own account, but I think Nat's got my passwords.
Yeah, I got you, bro. How much?
I don't know. Just like a quick 50.
50K.
I'll get you back on Sunday. I'll get us a top ten finish for sure.
Probably better.
Yes, buddy, of course.
- I got you, no problem. - Okay, cool, cool.
I'll meet you at the gym.
- Hey. - Hey.
What's up?
I'm sorry about earlier. Just didn't mean to come at you like that.
I'm really sorry.
- Uh… - Erased from my mind.
Um, you still at the… at the hotel?
Yep, I'm just sitting by the pool.
You on the course?
Yeah. Uh-huh. At the range.
Just, just… hitting balls.
Uh, look, Jerry just got here. We're gonna get a quick workout in.
- Let me call you later. - Okay. Well, I love you, babe.
Yeah, me too.
- Who was that? - Uh…
My mom.
She's always calling me.
So are we spanking or tickling today?
Shit, girl.
Surprise me. Heh.
- Excited to play with Lance tomorrow? - Oh yeah, yeah, Lance is ripping it.
Yep, hope I can keep up with him.
Yeah, I haven't been playing too bad myself.
Oh, look at Arnie!
I guess they forgot to tell you that if you mess with the Cougar,
the Cougar may bite.
I thought you were the Hawk.
Hawk, Cougar, you just don't know. I don't even know.
Sometimes I swoop out of the air, sometimes I jump out of the bushes.
- Either way, I go right for your neck. - Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure.
- What's going on? - My wife just went into labor.
- I gotta go. - Why, Tony? She's not playing.
I gotta be there for my wife.
This makes no sense. Lance was born during the Masters.
- No way I was walking away from that. - Lonnie, come on, man.
Honestly, this might even be my season.
- I better let Gustavo know. - Wait, hold up. Wha…
Is your… Your caddie's Gustavo Meyer?
That's right, since 2017.
Old Henry used to say he's the best caddie on Tour today.
You better believe it. We'll see you later.
- Lonnie Hawkins? - That's me.
You received this box at the clubhouse. You want me to keep it here somewhere?
No, I'll take a look at what this… Oh, hey, guys. Look at this.
Sponsorship money's starting to roll in.
You're looking at the new spokesman for Swinglite Golf Apparel.
Isn't that a women's brand?
I don't think so, no.
I did my own deal. Why have an agent when you can do all the work yourself?
I think I've seen that on the ladies' tour.
They must be expanding, because the last time I checked my pants,
I'm still a man.
Yeah.
Yeah. Hey, Liam, can you show me where the caddies hang out?
Yeah, right over here.
♪ Yeah, hey ♪
♪ Hey, once I was a boogie singer ♪
What's up, man?
He has a collection of essays which I would invite you to read…
- Are you gonna go say hello to him? - Why? I'm playing with him tomorrow.
Well, people do expect it.
Well, we just think it's best to keep our distance.
I see. You decided that together?
I found myself tearing through the historical stuff, because,
well, culturally, it's important…
When I heard they made you a member of the board, I couldn't believe it.
- Anton Floyd, PGA Tour board member? - Mmm!
- Bet you never thought you'd see me again. - Mmm. But here you are.
Here I am.
How are you doing, Olivia?
Just wonderful, Lonnie. It's great to see you again.
Great to see you too. I missed you.
How long you think you'll be up here?
Well… you know, tough to say. I mean, I'm chasing that Grand Slam,
so… it could be years.
Well… I'd bet against that, Lonnie.
I bet you'll choke…
- Oh! - Like you been doing since the US Open.
…and bounce right back down where you belong, with your people.
Who are you talking about, Anton? Poor people? People of color?
Okay, Lonnie.
But tomorrow, we'll see how the Hawk holds up.
I'm gonna make myself to the other side of the bar.
- I can hear the music better from there. - Okay.
Olivia, we should, uh, think about having a drink sometime.
Yeah.
Just a… itty-bitty little cocktail.
You want a sip of something?
- This big. - Tiny?
Cheers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Oh, damn it.
It's called The City and the Pillar.
It's interesting because it's very different from Gore Vidal's later work.
- Are you familiar with his later work? - Were you talking to us?
- I was. Yeah. - Oh.
- Yeah. - What's his Instagram?
He's not on Instagram. He's perished.
You're bleeding. Here, let me.
Leave it alone. It's fine.
There you are. I've been meaning to talk to you.
Stacy Hawkins, what a delight.
I have a little bone to pick with you.
You never got back to me about my Teed Off beverage.
We already have an official beverage.
Heck, Lonnie's such a hot shot now, why don't you get him to help you?
Oh, please, that fucking asshole.
I think I hate him more than almost anyone.
- I thought you were married. - Oh no.
We've been estranged for almost 12 years.
If he died tomorrow, I think I'd shit on his grave.
- I did not know that. - Yeah.
His son hates him almost as much as I do.
There is nothing that asshole would like more
than to see me fail with my business.
As a matter of fact, I think it would really hurt Lonnie
if my business did well.
- Really? - Oh yes.
But, um, if you're already sponsoring another alcoholic beverage, then…
Wait, now, hold up. Hold up.
We have something called a vendor match program.
It was created to look like we cared about diversity and all that gay shit,
but we do open up some space for women every now and then.
I'm thinking a spot near the ninth green would be great
because then all the golfers would pass right by it.
- Just like that? No paperwork? - You're talking to the paperwork.
I'd shake your hand, but I have blood on my hands. So…
Right.
There we go, hope that's good.
Thank you. You know, we've been members here for 40 years.
- Forty years. - Wow.
We stopped coming to tournaments, but when we heard you were playing again,
we weren't gonna miss that.
He's just been talking about this all day.
Well, I can tell. Yeah.
- Oh, excuse me. - Hey.
- I'm sorry, sir.
- You're not allowed in here. - No, no, no. She's with me.
She? It's… It's a "her"?
I beg your pardon, ma'am.
That's right, you better respect these titties, not man boobs.
Hey. What the… Where you been? I've been looking for you all day.
The belt took longer to get back on than I thought, but I got it,
and the bus is outside.
- Here you go. - Oh!
- Yeah. - Right?
- Shit, I'm thirsty. - Yeah, okay.
God, I could drink a swimming pool right about now.
Hey, excuse me, could I get a double vodka with a twist?
Listen, have I got news for you.
Well, you go ahead, and then after that, I gotta tell you something.
People have been asking me for selfies all day.
Listen to this. You know Tony Finau? He's one of the top guys on the Tour.
- So his wife just had a baby, right? - Mmm.
- And because of that, he had to drop out. - Whoa… Sure. Yeah.
Because of that, his caddie, Gustavo Meyer,
one of the top guys, became available.
- Can you believe it? - Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, I know.
So I now have one of the top caddies in the world. How cool is that?
Well… well, what about me?
Well, you're still my driver.
Yeah. No, it's… I mean, it's a good thing.
Yeah. I mean, I… I can't pay you the big bucks,
but I can pay you more, you know, 'cause now I'm back up.
So I'm not your caddie anymore?
You don't have to be. I've got Gustavo Meyer.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, before I forget. Take my watch.
Put it on the bus 'cause I'm probably not gonna see you tomorrow.
I hate playing with this thing on. And tomorrow, take the tour bus,
and let's just load up with all the regular stuff,
you know, wine… uh, milk, dry goods, Cheez-Its, that sort of thing.
Sure. Okay.
You know what? I'm actually not feeling good, so, um…
Yeah. Uh…
- I think I'm gonna hit it. - But what about the selfies?
- I thought you had something to tell me. - Nah, it's nothing. I'll catch you later.
Bartender.
Nice glass of white wine down here.
- Keys in the car? - Yes, thank you.
All right, enjoy your night, sir.
Introducing the 1:15 tee time group.
Good luck, fellas.
- You know that's a woman's shirt? - No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. - No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. - No, it isn't.
It's got darts.
What are darts?
Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
♪ I'm in love ♪
♪ With the sweet, sweet, sweet sunshine ♪
♪ Ain't no fool ♪
♪ And it's time for me To take what's mine ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh ♪
♪ It's time ♪
♪ It's mine ♪
♪ All mine, yeah ♪
♪ Step aside ♪
♪ All my friends went to college ♪
♪ Then got jobs and kids and wives ♪
♪ But I found peace in this guitar ♪
♪ Gonna play it till I die ♪
♪ Still in love ♪
♪ With that sweet, sweet, sweet sunshine ♪
♪ Ain't no fool ♪
♪ And it's time for me To take what's mine ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ It's time ♪
♪ It's mine ♪
♪ All mine ♪
♪ It's time ♪
♪ It's mine ♪
- ♪ Step aside ♪