♪ Let's spin the wheel Let's feed the slots ♪
♪ Let's bet it all on what we've got ♪
♪ Oh, let's ignore… ♪
I'll be in the car here, behind the hotel with a change of clothes.
Check. Change of clothes. Smart.
You'll enter here, through the service entrance like you're starting your shift.
- Genius. - You get in the elevator…
- You drew us in an elevator? - So?
With music? I'm the fat one?
- I have cankles. - No, that's just for contrast.
- Kick-ass drawing. - Thank you. Sorry I didn't bring my oils.
Moving on.
You kick down the door, take control, get the cash, get out.
- That's fucking perfect. - Come on.
Earl, are you hearing this shit?
Yeah. I colored it.
Why am I fatter in this picture?
'Cause there's more stress in this situation.
- ♪ They call him the Hawk! ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪
♪ He's a golfer ♪
♪ The greatest golfer in the world! ♪
- Mr. Hawkins. - Yeah.
- Dirk Ketchum, TGL. - Oh, right. Hey.
Thank you so much again for doing this at the last second.
- Sure. - You're gonna love the experience.
- Did my son get in? - He got in last night.
Whoa! What the hell is that?
Oh, that is a 1957 Isetta.
If you win the tournament, you can drive it home.
- Can I get inside? - You know, uh… Yeah, why not?
- Yeah. - Go for it.
- Look at that. - Yeah.
- Wait, how do you get inside? - Uh…
Allow me, sir.
No way!
- Yeah. - Did you know it opened like that?
I did, actually. Yeah. That's kinda what makes it special.
Here we go.
Oh my God. I feel like I'm in The Jetsons.
♪ I'm driving to my job At H&R Block ♪
♪ And I love math… ♪
Uh, Lonnie? We gotta go.
I get a watch with the car too?
Yeah, we gotta…
Oh, we gotta… Oh, okay.
We gotta… Okay.
Um…
How does it…
- Uh, just one second, sir. - What's happening?
- It's not opening. - What's wrong? Hey, I'm stuck!
Break a window or something!
Get me oxygen! I'm stuck in here!
I'm an American citizen, goddamn it!
You see that Thunder Down Under show is on here?
That'd be hilarious if we went to that.
What?
I don't want to die!
I'm still alive!
Quick win, and then back to the jet.
- Yep. - Wait, hold up.
- I have arachnophobia! - Yo, is that your pops? What's he doing?
Oh, this is gonna be so good.
Hell yeah. Easy three mil, baby.
Ignore him. Ignore him.
Lance? Lance! There's my son!
Jaws of life, Lance! Get the jaws of life!
- Oh my God. - There you go.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay. Why would you ask if I'm okay?
Of course I'm okay. It's really comfortable in there.
Super roomy, yeah.
What a fun day. You guys ready for some video golf?
Yeah, all right!
Lonnie, we have your credentials here.
Could you give me like five minutes?
- Right now? - Grab me an iced tea? I just…
- Ahh! Ooh! - Oh, Jesus!
Are you okay?
- Yeah. - Do you need a doctor?
- Yeah, I'm okay. Why do you keep asking? - You got your hand slammed…
Is that what happened? I didn't even notice.
Hi, there, and welcome to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada and TGL.
I am Matt Barrie. What a match we have in store for you tonight.
For that, we go down to the turf and Roger Steele.
Hey, Lance.
How cool is this, huh? Isn't this crazy?
What'd you do to your hand now?
Is that a PAW Patrol Band-Aid?
Yeah, it's a PAW Patrol Band-Aid.
- Never mind. I don't want to know. - I smashed it in that crazy car out there.
Yeah, is that your excuse?
Why would I need an excuse?
Just wait.
God, these lasers. It's… It's like it's my bar mitzvah.
We're not supposed to talk, supposed to just walk through.
I've always wanted a bar mitzvah.
Two titans of the sport! Two men who know each other well!
Fresh off his win at the Phoenix Open, Lance Hawkins!
And playing against Lance, he's a golf legend,
three-time major winner, Lonnie "The Hawk" Hawkins!
Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
One-man teams today, head-to-head.
The winner is going home with three million dollars.
The loser goes home with nothing.
Are you ready to play some TGL golf?
Look, I'm ready.
I don't know about this old dinosaur over here.
Ouch! Coming in hot. Lonnie?
Well, this old dinosaur might turn out to be a velociraptor.
And you know what they say about velociraptors.
They can't hold a golf club,
but they sure as hell can rip your dick off.
When we come back, the first tee!
Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
That was great, calling me a dinosaur.
You really got the crowd going.
I'm not fucking around, Dad.
Son, never play golf angry. It'll hurt your game.
Let's have some fun.
I'll play however I want to play.
All right?
You're done.
Prepare to be humiliated.
Okay, that's not fun.
Can't spell "fun" without "F-U."
True.
My goodness, what a start for Lance Hawkins.
He just ripped a drive 320 yards down the center of the fairway.
Good shot.
Big question now, what does Dad have in the tank?
Get in the hole!
425, that's how it's done.
What?
225? What the fuck?
Who's running the technology? China?
- Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! - Huh? Who's running the tech?
That's more like it.
- Hawk. Hawk. Hawk. Hawk. - Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
Hawk.
It's your standard boilerplate rev-share agreement.
I think you'll find the terms very favorable.
It's good, Stacy. I want in. I want a piece of Teed Off.
Right. What makes you think I'd be interested in getting involved with you?
It's a great product, all right?
It's just been mismanaged.
We did some testing. Lance is not connecting
as the face of your product.
His scores were very low.
Very low.
Women 18 to 34 described him as "low energy,
boring, non-fuckable."
Oh, shit.
He just doesn't give off the fun, carefree lifestyle you get with a Golden Fisk.
And what about Mike's Hard Lemonade?
- We have that covered. - Look, I love Mike's.
Mike's has been very good to me.
But I know that there's a path forward that might make everyone happy.
I mean, of course, I'm interested.
But it is a little complicated because we're talking about my own son.
I can't just toss him aside.
I'll tell you what Golden Senior told me.
You get one shot at hitting the big time.
And that's it. Think about it.
Golden Fisk
and Teed Off.
It's just good business.
Ow!
Even though he seems to be in some sort of pain,
Lonnie Hawkins has managed to turn this game around.
Just swing as hard as you can, come on.
Come on, Lance. Come on, Lance.
Hawk! Hawk!
Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
Come on.
No, no, no, no…
God… damn it!
I've gotta tell you, I've seen some things in TGL before after nine holes,
but this is absolutely unbelievable.
Lonnie Hawkins has a commanding lead over his son, Lance,
who seems to have imploded and has 170 yards to the pin.
Loosen up, kid. You're playing angry.
- Remember, it's a game. - Not to me, asshole.
Did I kill your dog or something?
Hey. Just play, okay?
Just shut the fuck up and play.
Ooh! Felt good.
Except for my hand.
- ♪ Ah, bang, bang ♪ - Whoo!
Video golf. I always loved video golf.
♪ Ah, bang, bang ♪
Agh, I hate video golf. I've always said it's not real golf.
And… it's in the lava.
Why is there lava?
Of course I'm good at this. I was good at Centipede!
- ♪ Ah, bang, bang ♪ - ♪ Girl, if you like what you see ♪
♪ And you want to be with me ♪
♪ Baby, shoot me With your love gun ♪
You want, like, a protein bar or something?
Just… Just… Just shut up.
Just… Just play.
Do you have one?
Agh! I hate this game. I hate everyone who plays it.
♪ …on the trigger When you pull it back, I'll figure ♪
♪ That now you're ready for the fire ♪
♪ Fire ♪
That's how it's done.
Ah!
Ooh…
♪ Gimme a shot ♪
♪ Of your love gun ♪
♪ Fire me up, girl ♪
♪ And we'll have big fun ♪
♪ Gimme a shot… ♪
This is really unbelievable.
Lonnie Hawkins, the blast from the past, the Hawk, whatever you want to call him,
has come here to Las Vegas, and he has won the three-million-dollar Vegas challenge.
Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!
What a fucking asshole.
Christine, you're being very immature.
Yeah, my man! How'd you do?
I don't want to talk about it, Jerry.
All right.
Ordered some salmon for you.
It's broiled.
You kicked his ass, though, right? Whoa, okay.
All right. You want me to order up some brewskis and celebrate a little bit?
I may need to dip into the Jerry fund again.
Just got myself into a bit of a bind with some people, you know?
My son should be happy to have me as a dad.
I'm a professional golfer. Probably the best in the world.
- Yeah? - I own my own bus outright.
- Oh. - I don't get it.
My son yells at me all the time. "Stop going to the club!"
I like T&A as much as the next guy.
I should go talk to him.
You should go to the doctor.
And you should go to the club.
Oh, hey, Lonnie, not a great time. We're in debrief mode right now--
Fuck off, Jerry.
Hey, what's your deal?
Leave me alone, Dad.
Come on, Lance. You played like shit.
You're way better than that. What's going on?
- You want to know what's going on? - I do.
You really want to know what's going on? That!
- What's that? - Yeah, of course.
- You don't even remember. - What are you talking about?
- When I was five… - Yeah?
I built a Lego golf course, and I worked really, really hard on it.
And then you came home one day, and you smashed it to pieces.
- What? - Dick.
- You didn't have any Legos. - Yeah, I did.
I wasn't about to buy my own son a bunch of Legos.
I didn't want you to grow up to be half a fag.
- Whoa. - Keep in mind, this is the early 2000s.
Homosexuality was a… was a new thing.
- We knew very little about it. - I don't know…
But then scientists and professors and makeup artists got together.
- And we figured it all out. - What?
And here's the good news, and this goes for you especially, Jerry.
It's okay to be a homosexual.
I would not care if you were in love with another man, Jerry.
- I'd celebrate it. - That's not what's going on here.
Is there a point here?
You didn't have any Legos.
Then what is this?
Well, it looks like Groot.
Yeah, you broke it.
- I broke Groot when you were 5 years old? - Yep!
Guardians of the Galaxy wasn't in theaters till 2014.
Well…
Give me that.
Look, I'm telling you.
I wouldn't have messed with your Groot. It's just not something I would do.
That's not your Lego.
- So she just lied to me? - Who lied?
Why would she lie?
Oh.
She just made that whole thing up?
Son, I probably should have told you this more when you were a kid,
but it's not really something dads are real good at.
But, uh… I'll give it a go here.
I want you to know…
your mother's a world-class bitch.
She loves you to death, but she'll try anything to get me to eat shit.
- I played mad today. - Yeah, you did.
Hey, guys, I'm gonna hop in here real quick.
Lancey, it's getting pretty deep. Why don't we get our sport psychologist?
He'd want to be a part of all this.
- Dude, shut the fuck up. - Eat shit, Jerry.
- Yup, yup. - God!
Son, you're a ball of stress right now.
Sometimes you need to step away and blow off some steam.
You told me to bottle up my steam and use it as fuel and run on those fumes!
Okay. Look, we're in Vegas!
Come on. Let's go have a dinner. Have a little fun.
What about your hand?
What about my hand? I think I broke it.
- I think I broke it. - Did you wrap that yourself?
- Looks like it's getting worse. - I did. Look at that.
- Yeah. - It's pretty good. I'm really proud of it.
I think you should see a doctor.
What's a doctor gonna do? Come on. I don't wanna listen to some guy
tell me about his speedboat, pump me full of Tylenol.
Don't take Tylenol, right?
The important thing right now is that I want to have a steak dinner with my son.
I guess I could eat.
- You got to eat, right, Jerry? - I mean--
- Shut the fuck up, Jerry! - You just asked me.
- Fuck it, why not? - Yeah, fuck it!
Jerry, take care of those funds I asked about.
- Jerry. - Hey…
Eat shit!
- Nah, I… - Yeah!
Better than advertised, huh?
Not bad.
Gosh. This used to be me and Old Henry's favorite place.
- The Amber Ox, really? - Yeah.
Okay, here we go.
The greatest show in Vegas!
Liberace, eat your own butthole out.
What?
I'm from the early 2000s, so…
Mr. Hawkins, a pleasure as always. What are we thinking for tonight?
Uh, I think we're gonna start with a Caesar salad, then two prime ribs.
- I was actually gonna do the branzino… - Diamond cut, medium rare.
Uh, maybe some thrice-baked potatoes, fries, mushrooms.
- That's probably good. - Oh, oh! Onion rings.
- Maybe a little au jus. - I don't need any of that.
- Let's get some Crab Louie. - That's good.
Shrimp cocktail. Couple orders of creamed spinach.
- A couple? - Yeah. I wanna take some home.
A lava cake. Finish with a lava cake.
Clarence, do me a favor, if you could cut my meat.
Oh…
No, don't give me that look. That's not a euphemism.
No. Broke my hand on a one-armed bandit.
Of course, sir. Of course.
- Thank you so much. - Yeah…
Fun, right?
Still can't believe you beat me with a broken hand.
Well, you were mad. You can't play mad.
Listen, I know you don't drink a lot, but let's get a bottle of wine.
Right?
Something to go with the meat. Something savory.
- Yeah, I could do a red. - There we go. Okay.
I like that. I never do red. Hey.
We would love one of your finest…
No. No, no, not your finest.
No, one of the finest.
Okay, yeah, one of your finest Pinot Noirs from the Willamette Valley.
Beautiful. Thank you.
So…
how is… mmm…
Denise?
- Denise? - The lady.
The woman you're engaged to. The girl.
- Natalie. - Fuck! Natalie.
We broke up. Remember? You were there.
- Natalie. - Remember she screamed at me?
- Yeah. - In front of everyone.
- Boy, did she ever. - Yeah, it was all over SportsCenter.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
By the way, I won three million dollars and a tiny car with a broken hand.
Oh, great. Thank you for the reminder.
You're a Hawkins, son. Hey, you're gonna have to be better than me to beat me.
- You're not counting today, are you? - I'm counting today.
It's not real golf. It's video game golf.
- Oh, okay. - Yeah. Yeah, you said so yourself.
By the way… it's not fucking real golf.
Well, listen.
I know you're going through some shit.
I just want you to know, golf at this level,
it can fuck with your mind.
You got to remember, just block it out.
Block it out. Yeah.
Okay?
No, I have…
my own ways of… dealing with stress.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah, there's a lot of ways to deal with stress.
Where's that wine at?
What?
Is this thing even street-legal?
Of course it is.
Get in. I'll give you a lift back to the hotel. Be careful. She bites.
No. No. I'll take a Lyft.
All right. Don't make it a late night. All right, son?
Yes, sir.
All right. Well, I had fun. I don't know about you.
I told you, that was fun, that it was gonna be fun.
Hey, maybe in the morning we grab breakfast before I got to take off.
I'm down. I'll be right behind you.
Okay. See you, son.
- Hey. - Oh. Hey, Lonnie. Um…
- Lance isn't in right now, so… - Oh.
We were gonna grab breakfast before I had to take off.
Oh! Well, he's not here, so…
Hey, well, hold on. Do you know where he went?
- Who, Lance? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, no. He said, uh… He just went out to get some, uh, twine.
Come again?
- Yeah, it's like, ball of twine, I think? - Are you saying "twine"?
- A ball of twine? - Yeah, twine. I don't know if he's fixing…
What's fucking wrong with you, Jerry?
- What's going on? - Wait!
- Whoa. - I didn't do it.
- I didn't see… - Where… Where's Lance, Jerry?
- I don't know. - What do you mean, you don't know?
Here's the thing. We were here, and some guys came up, and then more guys,
and then some women, and then this place was full, and I was like,
"Lance, we gotta shut this down!" He's like, "Shut the fuck up, Jerry!"
I was like, "Okay," but I turned around and he was gone, and I can't find him.
And I know it's my responsibility, and I looked everywhere.
I looked in the casino, I looked in the bar, and I can't…
- Mr. Hawkins, he's just gone. I can't-- - Just slow down. Slow down, Jerry.
Slow down.
I just…
- I think he's in trouble. - Trouble?
Yeah. He owes a lot of money to some bad people.
Like, a lot of money. And don't tell him I said that, okay? I…
Hey!
Have you seen my son?
Why? Have you seen mine?
- Is the melon not ripe enough, dear? - Sorry, what's that?
The melon. You haven't touched your melon.
- Oh, I had a bite of biscuit. - Hmm.
Well, I thought the honeydew was very sweet.
You know when you cut open a honeydew sometimes,
and the flesh doesn't seem quite ripe?
Well, it's what I imagine--
What?
Hey, Stacy, how you doing?
- What do you want? - Oh, I'm good, thank you.
Uh, I broke my hand.
- No biggie. But I won the tournament. - Uh-huh.
I'm in Vegas.
Remember all the good times we had in Vegas?
Céline Dion.
Gallagher.
- But, uh, where are you? - What the fuck do you want, Lonnie?
I can't find Lance!
I can't find him.
What?
He's for sure dead.
He's just a cold corpse out there somewhere on the 15.
Also, your son has a substance abuse problem.
If he is indeed still alive. I don't know, I don't know!
Okay, listen to me. I'll be there in five hours.
Lonnie, I swear to God, if this is bullshit,
I'm gonna cut your nuts off and feed them to the dogs.
Do you hear me?
I do. As you should.
And I will cut my nuts off for you.
Thank you. So good to hear your--
We're going to Vegas.
Oh! Sin City, here we come!
So, how was your flight?
Radford, didn't you tell me you know the man who owns the Sapphire Palm?
My hand? It's probably broken.
It's a real estate trust, dear. But I do know the CEO.
- Lonnie, this car's cute as a bug. - It's a funny story.
Think you can get ahold of that CEO and ask if we can look at security footage?
- Not funny "ha ha." - Gooby Dunbar? Of course.
Funny interesting.
We went to Vanderbilt, so Gooby will do anything for me.
This hurt like a Mother of Guadalupe.
I self-diagnosed it. I shook it.
I shook my hand next to my ear. I didn't hear any broken bones.
- Due to the baggage, I can't get my phone. - I did my own dressing on this.
Lonnie, nobody wants to hear about this now.
Look at that. Can you tell a doctor didn't do that?
Okay, what are we looking for?
Yeah, that kid. Where's he going?
This won't be very hard.
Lance…
Oh my God, Lance. What are you doing?
- Looks like he's with a bunch of hookers. - They could be cheerleaders.
This is a nightmare.
He knows how to fight. Just like his dad.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Ow! Get him back!
Probably said something to one of the prostitutes. Don't ya think?
Boom! Yeah.
This is hard to watch.
I could watch these monitors for hours.
This is like a great mystery.
What is he doing? What? Where is he going?
Do you know the name of that valet?
Oh, sure. I remember him. Uh, the golfer.
- Yeah. - Well, where'd he go?
Well, he was looking for a high-stakes game.
- And? - I told him about some action downtown.
- Uh, where? - Yeah.
That's gonna cost you.
Listen. How about I rip your dick off as a souvenir instead?
Yeah, she will do that. She loves tchotchkes, little collectibles.
She'll take your cock and balls and probably put them in a little Lucite case.
She'll probably do special lighting.
It's true. The woman's a natural-born collector.
The game's at the Desmond Hotel. Room 706.
When you get to the door, say, "What's up, fuckface?"
"What's up, fuckface?" Yeah, okay.
- We gotta go. - Thank you.
♪ Iced-out, two chains Gold, but no titty, boy ♪
♪ Northside of that motherfuckin' Arch We from the City, boy ♪
All in.
No, come on.
You don't like it? Fold.
This fucking guy…
750 to you.
Zev, give me another 300K.
Eh… you're in pretty deep, kid.
So what? Come on. I got Pebble Beach coming up.
Top ten finish guaranteed. Come on, Zev.
You know I'm good for it. Come on. We're holding up the game.
Hey, I win this hand…
Cirque du Soleil on me. That shit's fucking crazy.
You seen that? They go…
There we are.
Thank you, chip lady.
Call.
Boom! You got nothing, dude.
You're going all in with a king and a queen?
Triple aces, baby!
Mm! Mm! Mm!
I got the straight.
What?
No, you don't. No.
No…
- 706! - Okay. Okay. Listen up.
Let's just be calm, reasonable.
Nobody lose their shit. I got it.
Okay.
Yeah?
What's up, fuckface?
The fuck you say?
I knew it! That little prick!
Lance?
Mom?
- Dad? - Oh! Tony Hawk?
- No. - You're Tony Hawk!
- I'm not. - Yes, you are!
- No. - You can't bullshit me.
Come on. I'm Lonnie "The Hawk" Hawkins.
See? "Hawk!"
I'm the Tony Hawk of golf.
I mean, we are spiritually intertwined. I know what an ollie is.
Look, man.
Tony Hawk has a whole skateboard empire to run, so I wouldn't--
he wouldn't be in Vegas.
But…
At an illegal poker game.
I don't follow.
Yes! Oh, I got ya.
Okay. I got ya.
What the fuck is going on?
Well, good morning, first of all. Everything's cool. I'm a PGA Tour player.
- You're all in very safe hands. - Let's go, honey. We're leaving.
- Mom-- - Let's go!
- Nobody's going anywhere! - Whoa…
There's a financial situation that needs to be resolved.
It's a matter of about 1.8 million dollars.
- Give or take a couple thousand. - Zev, come on, man.
When it comes to honoring one's debts, I take that very seriously.
Stop! Look, uh, I've got the money.
I'll… uh… uh, I'll pay it.
Okay? That is a guarantee from Lonnie Hawkins.
That is a promise.
He can definitely pay you, okay? He's an amazing golfer.
Yeah. Wait, do you really feel that way?
I know that I am, but I've never heard you express that.
Mom! Dad! I don't want your money, okay?
I have this situation under control. Like, does it look like I need help?
Just pay the man!
Someone better get me my money or I'm blowing his hand right the fuck off.
Okay, nobody fucking move!
Put your watches and your wallets on the table!
Oh, shit!
- Oh, dear. - Everybody's got guns.
What the fuck? Is that Tony Hawk?
No!
Sam?
Lonnie?
♪ I've got a tiger by the tail It's plain to see ♪
♪ I won't be much When you get through with me ♪
♪ Well, I'm a-losing weight And a-turning mighty pale ♪
♪ Looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪
♪ Well, I thought the day I met you You were meek as a lamb ♪
♪ Just the kind That fit my dreams and plans ♪
♪ Now, the pace we're living Takes the wind from my sails ♪
♪ And it looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪
♪ I've got a tiger by the tail It's plain to see ♪
♪ I won't be much When you get through with me ♪
♪ Well, I'm a-losing weight And a-turning mighty pale ♪
♪ Looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪
♪ I've got a tiger by the tail It's plain to see ♪
♪ I won't be much When you get through with me ♪
♪ Well, I'm a-losing weight And a-turning mighty pale ♪
♪ Looks like I've got a tiger by the tail ♪