A career Grand Slam is the most elite club in professional golf.
To become a member, you need to win all four major tournaments.
With this putt, Lonnie Hawkins is three feet from joining that elite club
and making his mark on golf history.
Come on, boy.
Come on, boy, you can do it.
For the win at this year's US Open invitation.
You've got to be kidding me!
Fuck me.
I do not believe what he has just done.
Lonnie Hawkins is in a state of shock.
- You blew it, Lonnie. - What…
You choked.
- What happened? - You missed, my man.
You had the easiest putt in the world.
And you fucked it up.
No… No. No, no, no, no.
I need a do-over. Let's do it again.
There are no do-overs in golf, Lonnie.
That was a mistake. That was a three-foot putt. I can make that.
Okay, we're gonna do a do-over. We're gonna do it one more time, okay?
I'll grab my ball here and mark it off.
We'll just do it again, 'cause I can make that putt.
Stacy, is it true?
No do-overs?
No, Lonnie.
No do-overs.
Son?
Lancelot?
Old Henry, tell everyone they're wrong. Come on.
I'm sorry, Lonnie.
It's over.
Mr. Hole, please tell them you're my friend.
My ball belongs inside of you.
Please!
My ball belongs inside of you!
Tell them, please!
Please, dear God!
One do-over, that's all I ask for!
Hey, Lonnie.
Please!
Hey, wake up!
Lonnie, wake up, bud.
Yeah, I'm up.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm good.
- Where are we? - We're in Pebble Beach, baby.
While you were, uh, sweating through these frog pajamas,
I put the pedal to the metal to the Pebble.
We're at the US Open?
- Mm-hmm. - But how is that possible? It's…
- It's 4:00 in the morning. - Oh, I gunned it.
A cop did pull us over in Bakersfield,
but it turned out to be a woman cop, so we worked it out to our mutual benefit.
Wink.
- You don't have to say wink. - Okay.
I get it. You had sex with a cop?
Oh, I had a lot more than sex with a cop.
- We're getting married. - Are you?
- I'm fucking with you. I stole her ring. - Ah… Okay.
I went full pork chop on her command strips.
What an adventurous evening.
Talk about dripping wet. You're soaking through that shirt, son.
- What was this nightmare about? - I don't know.
I never remember my dreams.
But whatever it was, it was a total boner-killer.
- ♪ They call him the Hawk ♪ - ♪ Hawk! ♪
♪ He's a golfer ♪
♪ The greatest golfer in the world ♪
There's electricity.
Yeah, there is. Remember in Operation? You hit that… and it bings?
My heart is beating. So, who's doing that?
It's a little shrimp in there, just…
Just squeezing the heart. No, don't you ever wonder?
- It's automated. - Hey!
What?
- Hey. - Hey.
♪ Ooh… ♪
I think we should maybe take those mushrooms.
Oh…
We already took them.
You're probably just tripping balls right now. You okay?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm good, man.
I'm messing with you guys.
When I said should we take the 'shrooms, I knew we did.
I feel… totally normal.
Haha…
Haa…
Whoa…
When's the last time you fed your couch?
Uh-oh.
Oh no.
Oh no…
It's got me.
Hi, Lance.
Who are you?
I'm you.
Whoa.
Yeah, you are.
- Hey, can I tell you something? - Sure.
Life… does not go well for you.
There's a lot of problems.
I mean, for one, your dad is a shit.
My dad is my hero.
Yeah, we thought that.
But then he kind of became an asshole.
He was never around.
You don't want to admit it, but it hurts.
It hurts bad.
Next thing you know, you're 14, slugging vodka Red Bulls
just to get through history class.
Then that doesn't work.
So then you start having sex in all these obscure locations like
buses and airplanes and…
I get to go on a plane?
Hey!
Do not interrupt me, okay?
- I remember that part of the trip. - I remember my first time too!
But yes. In an airplane.
In the lifeguard tower, I was…
It's still not doing it for you. Then you start getting into kinky stuff.
Like, naked women over 60, sitting on cakes.
Oh, and the gambling.
Wait till you find out about prop bets. You are gonna lose…
…all of your money.
- Can I be honest with you, Lance? - Okay.
You really do hate yourself.
I like golf.
Well, you're good at that. But it doesn't matter.
Because your dad will never love you.
He's doing the best he can.
Hey, old Lance.
It gets better.
Don't look at me.
Stop.
Lance?
There you are. Look at me.
Where's my money, motherfucker?
Can I just say, your people here at the USGA
really know how to put on a championship.
Thank you, Anton.
Oh, look at that.
Lonnie made it. We weren't sure he was gonna be able to come.
Oh, goodie. You gave him an exemption. What fun!
It's only fitting. What an incredible comeback story.
Oh, who can argue with that?
No one, Anton.
Oh, my wife Olivia is a big fan of Lonnie Hawkins.
Stop.
He has crabs, you know.
What's that?
Crabs. Pubic lice. He's teeming with the little beasties.
Munching away on his balls as we speak.
Okay, Anton.
What? I would disinfect the locker rooms if I were you.
I mean, maybe put out some warning signs.
Unless, of course, that's the kind of filth you like here at the USGA.
Listen, Anton. Word has it from my friends over at the Tour
that this singular obsession you have with Lonnie Hawkins
may be less about the game of golf and more about something personal.
Personal?
Why are you looking at her?
Stop looking at her!
I have friends on the Tour, Anton.
They voted you in, and they can just as easily vote you out.
Vote me out?
Honeybunch, how am I supposed to enjoy myself,
knowing that here, at Pebble Beach, on the 18th hole,
you engaged in drunken, adulterous copulation with that man-whore?
Anton…
How many times do I have to tell you?
I was not drunk.
God…
Oh my God. He lives.
What's up with this couch?
Is there like a giant vortex or an ancient curse on it or something?
Oh, I bought it off Facebook Marketplace, so, yeah, definitely cursed.
Hey, have you seen my phone?
You were in the kitchen last night just talking to yourself,
kind of laughing maniacally, and then you said,
"I have to put my phone in the dishwasher."
See? Eureka, bitch.
Honestly, I think you had a breakthrough. It was really good.
I think it was a lot of 'shrooms, is what it was.
Okay, come on. We gotta get you to this tournament.
Wait, "we"? You're going?
Lance, how many times do I have to tell you, bro?
We gotta take these ashes to Pebble.
That's Old Henry?
Yeah. I mean, he talks way less shit now.
I know he talked a lot of shit, but deep down…
did you love him?
What am I gonna do, just be mad at the guy forever?
Yeah, I get that.
You know, I think it might actually be easier to beat my dad
if I don't hate him.
Yeah, yeah. I like that.
I mean, you could love somebody and still beat their ass.
At the mental game, huh?
Yeah.
Do you hear those people? They don't want to just see you play golf.
They want to see you walk and talk and eat your lunch. And do you know why?
Why is that, Sam?
Because you are Lonnie Hawkins, the greatest this game has ever seen.
Now you go out there, and you show them their hero.
Yeah… because I've…
- Born ready! - You are scared shitless.
I am.
- You do not want to go out there. - I do not.
- Well… - Let's have some wine.
Maybe this will help.
Old Henry's watch!
You… little… fucking angel.
I was gonna try to get cash for it, but when you showed up looking for me…
Well, that was pretty cool.
Sam, are you familiar with the musical stylings
of one Mark Althavean "Sisqó" Andrews?
- Eh… - We'll have to remedy that.
But first… let's take a deep, long look at my hole.
- Here we are, Sam. 18th hole. - Mm-hmm.
This pin right here?
That means nothing to me.
Down over there, that's where the hole in question was.
And then I was right here, lining up my putt, right?
Old Henry came up to me and whispered, "No-look."
No-look?
A no-look putt, you know?
You putt it, and then you turn away.
- Oh… - You don't look.
Yeah, he was feeling pretty cocky.
- Mm-hmm. - I looked over at Golden.
And he had his hand on his crotch, trying to intimidate me.
His hand was on his crotch?
Yeah, it's well-known on the PGA Tour that Golden has a large and thick penis.
Hm.
Many a men are intimidated by its shape and contour, but… I'm not.
- Mm-hm. - Anyway…
I stood over my ball, visualizing the putt going in,
three feet from the Grand Slam and golf immortality.
But I chickened out. I got too scared to go no-look.
Why were you scared to go with no-look?
I wanted it too much.
No-look is a state of mind.
You can't just want it to happen. It… It just happens.
I mean, I'm unbeatable when I get my no-look going.
Well, then hopefully that happens.
Look, Sam, a hawk!
- Look at that. - Wow…
Majestic creature, the hawk.
- They watch over me. - Gorgeous.
Gorgeous, right? Tough to take your eyes off of, huh?
"Meow, meow," says the hawk.
Meow!
Yeah…
My greatest fear is that a hawk one day will swoop down,
silently,
quietly,
and fly right up my ass,
ripping my internal organs with its razor-sharp talons.
That's not what I thought you were gonna say.
I thought 'cause of your name that, um…
- I like hawks? - Yeah.
No, I hate 'em.
Everyone assumes the hawk is my spirit animal, but it's not.
Because it's the cougar.
No, it's a leopard frog.
That's stupid.
Well, you can't choose your spirit animal, Sam.
And mine, unfortunately, is a leopard frog.
Oh. Okay.
Good morning. I'm Stacy Hawkins, and I have a reservation.
Hawkins! Any relation to the two golfers here this week?
Uh… no.
It's a very common last name.
Are you here for the US Open?
I'm actually here on business.
Oh, Radford, would you be able to call one of your fabulous friends
and get me a table at a cozy restaurant?
Because I have a deal to close and champagne to drink.
Of course, dear.
Thank you, my darling.
Listen, we've had a very long day.
My companion here is recovering from a gunshot wound,
and we would like to get to our room so we can fuck.
Oh, my goodness.
Stacy!
You are a regular Dorothy Parker.
Hoo-hoo!
Seaside suite with an adjoining room.
Well, well, well.
Dad, you made it.
Don't you think you should rest up, take care of that hand?
Gotta play through the pain, son.
Hey, stop by the bus later, all right?
I got something special I wanna share with you.
Well, well, well.
That's a beautiful father-son moment.
It's warming my cockles, boys.
Golden showers?
Hey, speaking of cockles, I'm having dinner with your wife and your mom later.
Yeah! I'm the new face of Teed Off.
We'll be talking business.
But after that, really can't say where the evening might go.
But I do have my thoughts.
Fuck off.
Hawk, I see you've gone from wearing a pickle jar to straight garbage.
What do you got there, business section, or is that obituaries?
I'll have you know this is the latest in homeopathic sports medicine.
The ink from the newsprint has healing properties, all right?
All right.
Let's see if you can hit that picker out there.
You're on. Let me just make one slight adjustment.
Ugh!
Yeah, that cooked up nice.
Uh-huh. I don't think it can heal any better than that.
Hoo!
And that's a live maggot right there.
That's disgusting.
You like Parmesan cheese? You like the smell of Parmesan?
Take a shot.
Ah!
Ooh…
Ah…
All right, Hawk, why don't you let that breathe?
Hey, I missed on purpose.
- Clank. - And I'll raise you a plank.
God damn it!
Let's go blind. Eyes fully closed.
Whoa!
Laszlo, where are you, son?
- God damn it! - Ha.
- Hell, in Boca Raton… - Yeah.
Stacy. God, you look gorgeous.
- Why, thank you. - Good to see you.
- So nice to see you, Golden. - You too. This is Mike.
Such a pleasure to meet you, Mike.
Wow.
Now, he's not the Mike.
Oh.
He's just a good dude who likes to drink.
- Guilty. - Okay.
So, I gotta ask, what made you come around on the acquisition?
Great question. Oh, thank you very much.
Well, I did a simple risk assessment and asset valuation.
I made copies for both of you of my research.
- Here you go, Mike. - Huh.
And I came to the conclusion that Teed Off would be in much better hands
with you and Mike than me.
Because I realized I really need somebody who's gonna push the brand.
Someone eating and sleeping golf,
drinking day in and day out, and that is absolutely not me.
Well, thank you.
- Those are… wonderful visuals. - Thank you.
You see, it states here that Mike's Hard Lemonade and I will own
80% of Teed Off.
Mm.
You'll keep 20%.
- Mm-hmm. - And a very handsome dividend.
Now, you understand you're about to be a very rich lady.
Absolutely.
- Yeah. - We're all gonna be loaded.
Did you know there was a time where I couldn't be in the same room with you?
Me?
All because of a three-foot putt that my husband missed.
Can you believe it?
Speaking of Lonnie, I saw him out on the range today.
Making a fool of himself, I'm sure.
Oh, he's doing good.
Got 150 of the best golfers in the world, and he still thinks he has a chance.
You can't rule out the Hawk. You see, if he can get through Friday,
not one of the 60 golfers left standing will feel safe with him on the course.
Does he scare you?
Lonnie scares the shit out of me.
But if it comes down to me and the Hawk on Sunday,
he'll choke.
That's a fact.
He wants it too bad.
Those aren't the qualities of a champion man.
Sam, you're a genius. How'd you find a Red Lobster in this rich man's enclave?
- I drove to Salinas. - Oh!
- Salinas? - Mm-hmm.
Don't tell me lobster and Cheddar Bay biscuits don't travel. This is heaven!
- What'd you get? - It's so good.
I got that Parrot Isle jumbo coconut shrimp.
- Mmh. - Got a little kick to it.
I usually get the Admiral's Feast,
'cause in many ways, I am an admiral.
- Oh yeah. - Oh, lookie here!
Oh, hi. Permission to, uh, go to the galley for some napkins?
Permission granted. While you're there, grab a bottle of white.
- I got it. Okay. Want something? - I'm okay. Thank you.
- You sure? - I'm good.
Milk? White wine?
- Tap water? - I'll go and get it.
- How about a slice of cheese? - Slice of cheese?
Mm! I got pudding. You want some chocolate pudding?
- I'm okay. - You're good?
Thank you. You had something for me?
Yeah.
I've been holding on to these things for a long time.
What are they?
Your grandmother gave me these three clubs when I was a kid.
She found them in a thrift store in Yuba City.
She cut them down to size, and she said, "Go play."
And go play I did.
These are the inspirations
that made my life extraordinary.
Look at this putter.
- Yeah. - Thing looks like it's 100 years old.
Yeah, look at that. Wooden shaft. That's the way they used to make 'em.
I got pretty good with this thing.
I held on to 'em forever 'cause I'm a sentimental creature.
But here,
feel the power of your legacy, son.
Look.
I know we haven't… really been…
close.
For a long time, I was… pretty mad at you and--
No, I know. I wasn't around, and I regret that, son.
- It's just, your mother-- - Just let me finish.
I will. But your mother didn't want me around--
Yeah, go ahead. Finish. But it… it was her fault. But go.
I was just saying,
you know, I've been mad at you.
And I'm trying to put all that behind me.
I just got some shit I'm dealing with right now.
Some of it's stupid. Some of it's super fucking serious.
What do you mean by serious?
I mean, it's nothing I can't handle.
But I think…
Um…
I just… Well, I just wanted to say, um…
You don't need to say another word.
I love you too.
What time's your, uh, like, tee time tomorrow or whatever?
- Tomorrow? - Yeah, tomorrow.
Uh, the guy said 9:15.
9:15? That's cool. 9:15's a good time.
- How about you? - What's up?
- Your tee time? - My tee time?
- What's your tee time? - Uh, 11:30.
- That's a good tee time. - Yeah.
- Both are… - They're great.
- Good times. - Really good tee times.
Solid-ass times.
Well, maybe we'll get to play… over the weekend together.
- Yeah, maybe. I'd like that, Dad. - That'd be good.
- Yeah. - Would you?
- I would. - I'm not gonna go easy on you.
- Okay. - I wanna win that US Open, okay?
- Hey. Go for it. - I will.
- Okay. - Okay.
Hey, and what was the thing again,
that… that's so serious?
Oh… Don't worry about that.
What are those?
My Dad gave me his childhood clubs.
As a peace offering?
Or like a chess move?
Nah. He's not the worst guy in the world.
- I… I think he meant it. - Hmm…
He could be gaming you.
Or I could be gaming him.
♪ Hard iced tea With a taste that's soft ♪
♪ Teed Off! Teed Off! ♪
Hi. I'm Stacy Hawkins, creator of Teed Off hard iced tea.
I'm unavailable right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you.
- ♪ Teed Off! ♪
Hey, Stacy?
Hey, it's Lonnie.
I'm just calling to say…
I'm sorry.
I, uh…
I'm sorry for…
messing everything up with you and Lance and…
I don't want you to worry.
I… Look,
I mean, he has some issues for sure, but…
but I think he's working through 'em and he's about to turn the corner.
He's a good kid.
And you're a good mother.
Also, I'm sorry I got handsy with you
while you were crying in the bathroom in Vegas.
I read the room wrong.
If I didn't read the room wrong, and you want another go in the sack,
let me know, because I will drop everything. Just say the word.
It's weird being back at Pebble Beach.
A lot of memories.
After I missed that putt in 2010, nothing made sense to me anymore.
I was a broken man.
But now I'm gonna try and show you both what I'm made of.
Would I like to face him again? You bet.
Beating Lonnie Hawkins, that was a really big moment for me.
And, uh, I went on a pretty good run after that.
And the run's not over yet.
So, yeah, I'd love for it to come down to me and Lonnie again.
Does my dad have a chance?
Um…
Sure. Uh, it's gonna be tough, though.
There's a lot of good, young golfers out here.
Guys who are actually in their prime.
So… we'll see.
First off, it's great to be back.
Uh, who do I think is gonna win?
I'm not sure. It's tough to say.
I mean, Golden's obviously playing really well.
But, um, I feel like the show is all about Lonnie and Lance.
I think it was real nice of the USGA to give him an exemption.
At his age and his ability,
you gotta figure this is his last major, right?
It's hard to be able to handle the pressure
for four days at a place like Pebble and be competitive.
So I guess we're just gonna have to wait and see.
Look, I think there's obviously a lot of noise
around two golfers because of something that happened almost 20 years ago.
So I'm trying to stay focused on the present.
Trying not to get in my own head, because we know that has certainly been…
Sounds to me he knows Golden's coming,
just knock, knock, knocking on the door.
- Kind of in the middle of… - Excuse me.
You had a chance at the Grand Slam
here at Pebble a long time ago, and you missed an easy putt.
Some people have said it's the worst choke in golf history.
Will that be in the back of your mind when you tee off tomorrow morning?
Can you repeat the question?
♪ They just wanna see some blood, huh? ♪
♪ They bettin' 50 racks That he ain't gettin' up ♪
- ♪ I'm kinda feelin' like… ♪
♪ Buss em up! ♪
♪ Buss, buss, buss… ♪
♪ Uh! ♪
♪ I ain't got nothing to lose ♪
♪ You could not fit in my shoes ♪
♪ I do not easily bruise You won't be able to chew ♪
♪ Sip through a straw when I'm through Feelin' like, "Hold up!" ♪
♪ You know a young'un bout to go nuts ♪
♪ I'm bout to hit him with 100 blows To the dome ♪
♪ He won't live to see another round TKO ♪
♪ Buss em up! Buss em up! ♪
♪ Buss em up! ♪
♪ Buss, buss, buss ♪