1 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,716 Bro, learn to make your own food, huh? 2 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,637 No, I'm telling you, passive income. 3 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,722 You get this from a wealth podcast? 4 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:59,810 Maybe hosted by, you know, an alpha dude with a shaved head? 5 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,105 Were there a lot of ads for cold plunges? 'Cause it sounds like it. 6 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,315 No. Listen to me, okay? 7 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,901 We buy the old motel next to the college. 8 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,820 We… We buy it for nothing. 9 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,864 - We fix it up-- - And we "de-hepatitis" it. 10 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,575 Would you wanna be the one to scrub out the blood and semen stains? 11 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:15,909 Yeah, I'll scrub it down, okay? 12 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,202 - We can hose it down… - Really? 13 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,662 …with antibiotics for all I care. 14 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,622 - I don't… Whatever, okay? - Okay. 15 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,416 We turn them into apartments. 16 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,293 I know carpentry, I can do most of the work-- 17 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,586 And then what? 18 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:28,881 Then you rent these apartments to broke, unreliable college kids? 19 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:33,427 No. We rent it to their parents. Guarantors. There's no risk. 20 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,597 You need permits, babe. You need insurance… 21 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,766 - Okay, Mr. Reality. - Well, it's just… it's a risk. 22 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,936 Look. You wanna get rich? 23 00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,982 Be boring. Mutual funds, CDs. 24 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,568 Don't buy too many things. Don't buy too few. 25 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,529 Don't tell your friends how much you make. 26 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,783 Get something expensive for yourself, have a good place to hide it. 27 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,076 I have one. 28 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,497 Maybe cook instead of sushi every day. 29 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,667 "Maybe cook instead of sushi every day." 30 00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:10,714 Being profoundly cute is not a business plan. 31 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:11,840 You need discipline. 32 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,929 Well, I already put 30% down. 33 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,351 Didn't know you had the money. 34 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,144 Well, I've been saving. 35 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,651 You really are cute, you know that? 36 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,488 Kinda tragic how cute you are. 37 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,368 So, is that a yes? 38 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:42,496 Are you in? 39 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:46,750 'Cause… I'd really like to do this together. 40 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,336 Well… 41 00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,216 if it makes you happy. 42 00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,933 Are you sure you can't sleep over? 43 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,434 I am very sure. 44 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,273 Unlike you, handsome, I have a boss and responsibilities. 45 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,943 Call me when you wake up. 46 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,292 Look, it's wearing a scarf. 47 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:40,888 Smart. It is cold and flu season. 48 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,686 Good night, babe. 49 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:00,741 Oh, God. 50 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,660 It's too early for brekkie. 51 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:05,704 Yeah. 52 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,736 Seriously? 53 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,822 It's what Billie Eilish feeds her freaking Abyssinian. 54 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,161 All right, all right. I'll get you the good stuff. 55 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:17,980 Hello? 56 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,464 Fuck. 57 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,766 Fuck. 58 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,477 Okay. 59 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,738 Incoming call from Karl. 60 00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:59,117 Oh, my God. Is everything okay? Is Hazel okay? 61 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,203 Yeah, yeah. Hazel's fine. 62 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,497 Are you okay, Paula? 63 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,581 Yeah. 64 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,711 No, no. 65 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:12,089 Fuck! Fuck me in the fucking face! 66 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,882 - You're on speakerphone, Paula! - Mom! 67 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,467 Do you have my new cleats? 68 00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:17,427 Yeah, one of us is a little bit upset 69 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:20,389 because it's the first practice and they're a little bit nervous 70 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,267 about losing their center-mid position to Chloe E. 71 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:28,230 You… You have all of her stuff, Karl. 72 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,524 Except the new cleats. 73 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,360 I'm sure you… you… you have to have 'em. Maybe you moved 'em when-- 74 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,820 - Mom, I need them! - I don't know. 75 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,239 Chloe E. went to soccer camp! 76 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,033 Soccer camp, Paula! It's a goddamn emergency. 77 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,080 Paula. 78 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,041 - Paula. - Mom! 79 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,712 Yeah. I-I-I don't have them, sweetie. 80 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:55,757 Then I'm not going, Mom! You're so annoying! 81 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:58,010 Yeah, there are worse things happening in the world, Hazel! 82 00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,096 Okay, you're off speakerphone, 83 00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:03,348 and we do have the old cleats, which will be fine for today. 84 00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,642 - They suck so much. - Yeah, they do suck. 85 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,228 We hate them worse than poison but they'll do, right? 86 00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:09,563 Come on, sweetie. Please. 87 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:14,193 All right, here's the plan. I gotta go to the airport after drop off. 88 00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:16,195 Will you go to the house and grab the old ones? 89 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,779 Mallory's gonna be there. 90 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,324 - Yeah. Yeah. Okay. - Okay, great. 91 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,284 - Bye. Bye. - Bye, Daddy. Shoo. 92 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,119 - Okay. - Love you, Hazel. 93 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,497 What is your fucking deal, Paula? 94 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:32,794 I'm having a really fucking bad morning, Karl. 95 00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:35,380 Oh, you're having a tough start? You're having a bad morning? 96 00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:36,632 Yeah, I'm having a tough start. 97 00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,509 - Do you wanna know what Hazel told me? - Yeah. 98 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,136 She said she talked to your little junkie boyfriend. 99 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:45,807 Yeah, she said he was really scary and that… that he made her cry. 100 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:50,062 What the actual fuck, Paula? What is wrong with you? 101 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,022 All right, look. 102 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,483 Mallory thinks we should just settle custody in court 103 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,276 and my lawyer agrees, so… 104 00:12:56,985 --> 00:13:00,739 I'm trying to be civil with you, but you are making it very hard. 105 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,074 Do you understand that? 106 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:06,161 Paula? Say something. 107 00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:07,329 I have to go. 108 00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:09,456 You have to g-- 109 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,204 Come here, you little fart. 110 00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:51,039 He lock you out again? 111 00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:52,583 Come here. 112 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:54,918 Yeah. 113 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,336 What? 114 00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,007 Huh? 115 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,492 New message from Karl. 116 00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:32,664 New message from Steve. 117 00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:34,374 Who the fuck is Steve? 118 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,126 New message from Suzie Work. 119 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,795 Oh, my God. Fuck off. 120 00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,673 Incoming call from Suzie Work. 121 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,928 New message from Geri. 122 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,347 New message from-- New message from Karl. 123 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,473 - Fuck off! - New message from Steve. 124 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,933 New message from Karl. 125 00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:53,393 New message from Suzie Work. 126 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,154 - Hi, Paula. - Hi, Mal. 127 00:15:04,238 --> 00:15:06,073 Her cleats are in there. Come on in. 128 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,332 Can I offer you anything? 129 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,043 No, no, I gotta… I gotta get to work. 130 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,461 Oh, come on. 131 00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:20,796 I could make us tea. 132 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:25,968 Okay, yeah, sure. 133 00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,679 Didn't think you'd say yes. 134 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,014 It's like a… It's a power move. 135 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,934 I'm gonna make you boil water to prove I'm over any past ugliness. 136 00:15:35,686 --> 00:15:38,146 - Are you? - Probably not. 137 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,400 But there's so many new aggravations that I sometimes lose track 138 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,235 of where I stand on the old ones. 139 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,530 Yeah. 140 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,868 - Hey, is something going on? - No. 141 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,286 No, no, it's nothing. 142 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:57,124 This lady, like, Karen'ed out on me at the market 143 00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:00,711 and I-I-I forgot my credit card and I-I, like, held up the line, 144 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,087 and there was some shouting 145 00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:04,339 and then I-I probably could've handled it better, 146 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:06,383 but hopefully we don't go viral or anything. 147 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,343 Like I said, it was… It's nothing. 148 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,512 Hey. Hey, hey, hey. 149 00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:11,763 Don't do that. 150 00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,849 It's not nothing. 151 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,435 Ugh, I-I hate that feeling. 152 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,938 Sometimes, like, if I've had too much wine the night before, 153 00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:24,735 I can get really foggy the next day, like, forget my keys or my phone. 154 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,988 I mean, have you been drinking maybe? Or is that why? 155 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,324 Like, you have a fun night the night before? 156 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,576 No. 157 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,328 You know I had Hazel last night. 158 00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,664 Oh. Yes. 159 00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,249 - Right. - Sorry, I cut you off. 160 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:42,794 - So, was this Karen old or young? - Yeah. 161 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,339 - I better get going. - Wait, what, why? 162 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:49,176 'Cause I forgot how committed you are to ruining my life. 163 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:54,598 Paula, look, can we be civil? 164 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,226 What's happening now isn't anyone's fault. 165 00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,311 Isn't it yours a little bit? 166 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,563 You think you're the victim. 167 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,857 Karl and I have a different POV. 168 00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:06,734 You and Karl are trying to take my daughter 169 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,862 - and move her to fucking Idaho. - That's not… 170 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:13,367 So you can take your POV and you can shove it right up your A-S-S. 171 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,327 - Paula. - Get your own daughter, Mal. 172 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,413 Like, let Karl crawl all over you with his big sweaty chest bush 173 00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:20,915 and grind away like he's trying to dislodge a bag of Doritos 174 00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:23,001 from a fucking vending machine, but I gotta tell you, 175 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:26,839 a baby is gonna ruin that sweet little biking bod you've got going on there. 176 00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:28,966 You are gonna be exhausted and you are gonna be boring 177 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:32,344 and you're gonna fucking reek of diapers and breast milk. 178 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:35,848 And then who knows, maybe Karl dumps you for a different coworker. 179 00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:39,643 She's my daughter, Mal. 180 00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:42,437 You don't get to fuck up her life. 181 00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:43,939 That's my job. 182 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,865 All I need, is a cheeky little bit of… 183 00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:11,466 Hi, it's Kyra, Prem's mom. 184 00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:14,636 Prem really wants to play goalie today, but she has a piano recital soon 185 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,847 and we can't risk her hurting a finger. If-- 186 00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:31,278 - You're so dead. - What? 187 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,529 Suzie's been looking for you. 188 00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:34,323 - She's in a mood. - What flavor? 189 00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:35,490 Vanilla. 190 00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:38,952 - You okay? - Yeah, no, no, no… 191 00:18:39,453 --> 00:18:42,080 Yeah, I cut, cut myself on a tuna can. 192 00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:45,042 Weird. You're probably gonna get lockjaw. 193 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,753 It was packed in spring water. I think I'm okay. 194 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,838 - Depends. Was it pole-caught? - So? 195 00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,340 Fix your car? 196 00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:54,510 Yeah… Yeah. Yes. 197 00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:59,681 And I will get these pages to you by EOD. 198 00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:03,519 Not EOD, ASAP. This has to go live in two hours. 199 00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:07,064 I know you have responsibilities beyond this place, 200 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:11,193 but, candidly, I don't care about anything beyond this place. 201 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,946 Look, you asked me for more responsibility… 202 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,122 It requires commitment. 203 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:25,332 Commitment, yeah. 204 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,835 I mean, I'm a hundred percent committed. 205 00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:29,795 I'm a hundred and five percent committed. 206 00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:31,964 Yeah. 207 00:19:43,642 --> 00:19:48,272 Hi. Can you confirm that you did say that the senator wasn't there on the 4th? 208 00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:51,650 Hello… Uh-huh. 209 00:19:52,651 --> 00:19:54,695 Okay, you did say that? All right. 210 00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,089 Yeah. I got it. I'm almost done. 211 00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:17,926 Sorry, you have a visitor in the conference room. 212 00:20:24,141 --> 00:20:25,392 Thank you for seeing me. 213 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,561 You want some cashews? 214 00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:30,230 - Uh-uh. - No? 215 00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:31,398 Okay. 216 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:37,112 So, I ran down those addresses you gave me. 217 00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:38,280 Guess what? 218 00:20:39,031 --> 00:20:41,241 A sex worker was found dead in one of them. 219 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,496 The responding officer sent a photo. 220 00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:50,959 Sure looked like your guy. 221 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,009 I'm gonna give you one chance here. 222 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:06,975 If you've got anything to tell me, you're gonna wanna tell me now. 223 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,144 Right now. 224 00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:15,400 I-I-I know. 225 00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:18,695 You know… 226 00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:20,781 I… 227 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:22,699 I was there. 228 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,161 I saw the body. 229 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,915 Holy shit. 5-0. 230 00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:33,544 You think Paula's getting arrested for dangling participles? 231 00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,963 Seriously. You think she did something? 232 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,090 I don't know. DUI, maybe? Loitering? 233 00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:39,216 Kidnapping? 234 00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:40,968 That's a bit much. 235 00:21:41,051 --> 00:21:42,177 Dognapping? 236 00:21:43,387 --> 00:21:45,889 Yeah, okay, that I could actually see. 237 00:21:45,973 --> 00:21:48,267 - Yeah, she's, like, just sad enough. - Yeah. 238 00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:51,228 Like she sees a poodle tied up outside a Starby's 239 00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,730 and, you know, before she knows it, she's got something to love. 240 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,069 Yeah, I should've called the police. I was going to, 241 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:00,362 and then… and then I didn't. 242 00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:03,615 And then when I didn't, I couldn't and-- 243 00:22:03,699 --> 00:22:05,284 What possessed you to go there? 244 00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:06,785 That was pretty reckless. 245 00:22:06,869 --> 00:22:08,453 He was harassing me. 246 00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:10,873 He called my ex-husband. 247 00:22:10,956 --> 00:22:13,876 Like, I have custody issues, and Trevor knew about them. 248 00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:16,879 He knew about everything and he was gonna use it against me. 249 00:22:16,962 --> 00:22:18,088 Okay? 250 00:22:18,172 --> 00:22:21,592 And I-I didn't know what to do and you guys weren't helping me at all. 251 00:22:22,259 --> 00:22:23,719 You had to confront him. 252 00:22:23,802 --> 00:22:24,803 To scare him. 253 00:22:24,887 --> 00:22:27,472 I went there to tell him to leave me alone. 254 00:22:28,015 --> 00:22:30,267 He was threatening my kid. 255 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:31,393 Okay. 256 00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:37,524 So, you arrive, you ring the bell, kick down the door. 257 00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:42,321 - What? - The door was open, so I just walked in. 258 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:44,823 And then I found him. 259 00:22:44,907 --> 00:22:46,283 He was dead. 260 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,327 He was in the bathtub. 261 00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:52,206 Uh, it was 8:15. 262 00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:54,791 What did you do next? 263 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,586 Aside from not immediately call 911? 264 00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:05,135 I heard someone else come in, so I ran and I hid in the closet. 265 00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:10,933 And then I heard a saw. 266 00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,102 Like a power saw. 267 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,564 Was the body… 268 00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:20,067 A little. 269 00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:22,903 Did you see this person? 270 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:26,532 Old? Young? Anything will help. 271 00:23:26,615 --> 00:23:27,783 No, I didn't see them. 272 00:23:28,283 --> 00:23:30,285 I, except… 273 00:23:30,369 --> 00:23:33,163 This is weird. They were wearing Trevor's boots. 274 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:35,707 With two different colored laces. 275 00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:38,252 Well, maybe he knew Trevor, or maybe… 276 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:43,090 he forgot his murder booties and used the dead man's shoes instead. 277 00:23:44,675 --> 00:23:47,261 So, you find a dead body, 278 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:49,805 you think a killer is still in the house, 279 00:23:50,347 --> 00:23:51,390 you get away, 280 00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:52,474 you're safe, 281 00:23:52,558 --> 00:23:54,893 then you skip off to work? 282 00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:56,311 All la-di-da? 283 00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,106 I mean, you have to admit that's strange. 284 00:23:59,606 --> 00:24:01,108 Why not call 911? 285 00:24:02,276 --> 00:24:04,987 You know, she did weirdly mention porn the other day. 286 00:24:05,070 --> 00:24:06,321 She's not a pornographer. 287 00:24:06,405 --> 00:24:07,865 Even if she was, pornography's legal. 288 00:24:07,948 --> 00:24:09,616 - It's free speech. - Good point. 289 00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:11,451 Unless it involves minors. 290 00:24:11,994 --> 00:24:14,079 - That's gross. - Bestiality. Also illegal. 291 00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:15,455 And we're back to the dog thing. 292 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:18,208 What if it's an underage dog? 293 00:24:18,292 --> 00:24:19,585 That'd be really bad. 294 00:24:28,093 --> 00:24:29,261 You were scared. 295 00:24:31,305 --> 00:24:32,306 I'll bet. 296 00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:34,433 You must have been terrified. 297 00:24:36,185 --> 00:24:38,353 I was, but not just of the guy. 298 00:24:38,437 --> 00:24:40,647 I-I kept thinking about my kid 299 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:47,362 and how my ex-husband would use this to show that I was unfit. 300 00:24:47,446 --> 00:24:50,532 If he knew that I was tangled up 301 00:24:50,616 --> 00:24:54,453 with a cam boy or at the scene of a murder, 302 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,537 I would… 303 00:24:57,748 --> 00:24:58,832 I would lose everything. 304 00:24:58,916 --> 00:25:00,751 I just… I panicked. 305 00:25:01,627 --> 00:25:03,795 Your ex sounds like a real jerk. 306 00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:07,132 Not always, but yeah. 307 00:25:07,216 --> 00:25:08,217 Lately, yeah. 308 00:25:10,302 --> 00:25:11,637 Marriage is a marathon. 309 00:25:13,514 --> 00:25:14,723 Sometimes you puke. 310 00:25:25,234 --> 00:25:27,819 Hi. What was that all about? 311 00:25:30,364 --> 00:25:32,449 Nothing. I just got scammed online. 312 00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:36,328 Shit. Sorry. 313 00:25:36,411 --> 00:25:37,412 Credit card? 314 00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:41,041 No, I met a guy. 315 00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:43,210 He seemed nice, and then he scammed me. 316 00:25:44,169 --> 00:25:45,420 That sucks, yeah. 317 00:25:45,504 --> 00:25:46,922 Dating sites can be brutal. 318 00:25:47,005 --> 00:25:48,507 Which one do you use? 319 00:25:48,590 --> 00:25:50,717 The one where you have to show photos of your graduate degree, 320 00:25:50,801 --> 00:25:52,970 or the one where you have to show photos of your butthole? 321 00:25:55,264 --> 00:25:57,307 Those are just the two basic prototypes. 322 00:25:58,392 --> 00:25:59,977 It wasn't a dating site. 323 00:26:01,645 --> 00:26:02,729 He was a cam boy. 324 00:26:03,939 --> 00:26:04,982 He was a "cam-man." 325 00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,733 He was an age-appropriate cammer. 326 00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:09,820 Jesus, this is so embarrassing. 327 00:26:10,696 --> 00:26:12,781 - It's not. It's amazing actually. - It's the best thing 328 00:26:12,865 --> 00:26:14,241 that ever happened to me. Continue. 329 00:26:14,324 --> 00:26:16,201 No, I just… I… 330 00:26:17,077 --> 00:26:18,579 I thought he really liked me 331 00:26:18,662 --> 00:26:20,831 and I opened up to him, 332 00:26:20,914 --> 00:26:23,208 and then he totally scammed me. 333 00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:26,086 Sorry, Paula. 334 00:26:26,170 --> 00:26:28,172 No, I just keep thinking, like… 335 00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:30,215 I should have known. 336 00:26:30,299 --> 00:26:36,513 Like, I have been with a gold-medal succession of jerks in my life 337 00:26:36,597 --> 00:26:41,185 and… and, like, Karl was the first genuinely good guy I ever even met. 338 00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:43,687 And-And we were happy, you know? 339 00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:45,898 Like, we-we got married, 340 00:26:45,981 --> 00:26:47,608 and we moved to Portland. 341 00:26:47,691 --> 00:26:51,195 And I got this job at a little local paper. 342 00:26:51,278 --> 00:26:54,281 Like, they gave me a Diners Club card, 343 00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:58,702 which, like, nobody even accepts Diners', but I had it. 344 00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,037 I was in the club. 345 00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:03,457 And then we had a baby and then… 346 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:08,378 and then regular bickering just turned into, like, real fights about real things, 347 00:27:08,462 --> 00:27:11,798 and the genuinely good guy turned out to be, like, the biggest jerk of all. 348 00:27:11,882 --> 00:27:16,053 And now I get scammed by cam boys, and you guys think I'm a super freak. 349 00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:28,148 - Get here. - Hug her? 350 00:27:36,365 --> 00:27:40,035 Okay, now you guys tell me your most humiliating sex stories, right? 351 00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:42,287 - Okay… - Oh, no. 352 00:27:43,205 --> 00:27:45,207 I used to pleasure myself to Scooby-Doo. 353 00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:57,010 Hi. I'm just… 354 00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,763 Hi, I'm Paula. I'm the new coach. Whoops. 355 00:28:02,558 --> 00:28:04,434 Here, let me help you with that. 356 00:28:04,518 --> 00:28:05,769 Yeah. 357 00:28:06,353 --> 00:28:08,438 Doughnuts for soccer practice, huh? 358 00:28:08,522 --> 00:28:10,774 Yeah, yeah. I mean, everybody loves doughnuts. 359 00:28:10,858 --> 00:28:12,943 They are sweet, they're moist-- 360 00:28:13,026 --> 00:28:14,278 They're America's fruit? 361 00:28:19,241 --> 00:28:20,951 - I'm Steve. - Hi. 362 00:28:21,034 --> 00:28:23,078 - With the… - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right. 363 00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,288 Oh, my God. I'm Paula. 364 00:28:24,371 --> 00:28:26,999 I totally did not text you back. 365 00:28:27,082 --> 00:28:29,293 No, no. It's okay. I over-texted. 366 00:28:29,877 --> 00:28:32,379 - It's just kids' soccer practice, right? - Yeah. Yeah. 367 00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:35,757 My ex told me I need to be more chill, so… 368 00:28:35,841 --> 00:28:37,843 - Be more chill? - Yeah. 369 00:28:37,926 --> 00:28:40,095 - Wow. I think you dodged a bullet. - Mom! Mom. 370 00:28:40,179 --> 00:28:41,722 I should've never brought her up. 371 00:28:41,805 --> 00:28:42,806 Where are my cleats? 372 00:28:42,890 --> 00:28:44,016 - Your cleats? - Cleats. 373 00:28:45,684 --> 00:28:47,060 Ow. Ow! 374 00:28:47,144 --> 00:28:48,562 Mom, I hate these. 375 00:28:48,645 --> 00:28:49,730 Okay. Okay. 376 00:28:50,314 --> 00:28:52,900 Do you think maybe there's something else that's bugging you, sweetie? 377 00:28:53,483 --> 00:28:54,484 No. 378 00:28:56,445 --> 00:28:57,446 Chloe. 379 00:28:57,946 --> 00:29:00,073 She gave everybody cherry lip balm but me. 380 00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:04,912 It's not nice to make someone feel left out, is it? 381 00:29:04,995 --> 00:29:07,497 - No. - No. I'm sorry that happened. 382 00:29:07,998 --> 00:29:08,999 Yeah. 383 00:29:10,334 --> 00:29:11,335 Hey, you know… 384 00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:15,130 on the night you were born, 385 00:29:15,964 --> 00:29:17,799 right before you slid out of me-- 386 00:29:19,218 --> 00:29:21,053 Yeah, it was kinda "ew." 387 00:29:21,136 --> 00:29:23,305 But, right before that, 388 00:29:24,515 --> 00:29:27,518 there was a storm. 389 00:29:27,601 --> 00:29:31,271 Wind was howling and hail was smashing the windows. 390 00:29:31,355 --> 00:29:35,108 And right at the craziest, most intense part… 391 00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:40,989 - What? - You came out. 392 00:29:44,451 --> 00:29:45,702 You weren't like, 393 00:29:45,786 --> 00:29:49,122 "That sounds scary. I'm gonna stay safe inside." 394 00:29:49,206 --> 00:29:52,501 You were like, "That sounds awesome. I wanna see what that is." 395 00:29:53,085 --> 00:29:54,086 And that's when I knew. 396 00:29:54,169 --> 00:29:57,005 I knew that you were gonna be brave and adventurous, 397 00:29:57,089 --> 00:29:59,758 so forget about these lip-balm girls. 398 00:29:59,842 --> 00:30:01,635 'Cause what do I always tell you, Hazel? 399 00:30:01,718 --> 00:30:03,971 "Brush your teeth." 400 00:30:04,054 --> 00:30:09,685 Yes, but you are a badass. 401 00:30:10,310 --> 00:30:11,311 You're a badass. 402 00:30:12,563 --> 00:30:13,647 You know that, right? 403 00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,403 "You're a bad ass." 404 00:30:19,486 --> 00:30:20,988 "YABA"? Wow. 405 00:30:21,071 --> 00:30:22,739 That is totally inappropriate. 406 00:30:23,448 --> 00:30:24,658 And I freakin' love it. 407 00:30:26,285 --> 00:30:27,703 Okay, get out there, badass. 408 00:30:28,954 --> 00:30:30,706 - I love you, Mommy. - I love you too. 409 00:30:30,789 --> 00:30:31,790 Thank you. 410 00:30:32,457 --> 00:30:33,458 YABA! 411 00:30:33,542 --> 00:30:35,127 - YABA. - YABA! 412 00:30:35,210 --> 00:30:36,712 Oh, yeah! 413 00:30:38,130 --> 00:30:39,131 Whoa! 414 00:30:39,715 --> 00:30:44,303 One, two, three… Go, Owls! 415 00:30:47,389 --> 00:30:49,391 - Great job, Coach. - Hey, thanks. 416 00:30:49,474 --> 00:30:50,976 All right, Hazelnut. Go get your stuff. 417 00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:52,144 Okay. 418 00:30:54,021 --> 00:30:55,522 I-I… 419 00:30:55,606 --> 00:30:58,358 I had something that I would love for you to read, if you had a sec. 420 00:31:04,573 --> 00:31:06,825 Feeling a tad under the gun here. 421 00:31:06,909 --> 00:31:08,535 Right, I… I should leave. Yeah. 422 00:31:08,619 --> 00:31:10,871 Just… be still. 423 00:31:20,297 --> 00:31:21,757 It's not shit. 424 00:31:22,341 --> 00:31:23,342 Yay. 425 00:31:23,425 --> 00:31:25,052 Yes, "yay." Yes. 426 00:31:25,135 --> 00:31:26,970 "It's not shit" is as good as it gets. 427 00:31:27,054 --> 00:31:30,015 But it doesn't grab me, 428 00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:34,102 which, if you are an absolute, utter no one, which, no offense-- 429 00:31:34,186 --> 00:31:35,896 No, I'm-I'm aware I'm-I'm garbage. 430 00:31:35,979 --> 00:31:40,984 You need to overwhelm my central nervous system like some rare tropical disease. 431 00:31:42,152 --> 00:31:44,571 We just need something juicier. 432 00:31:49,326 --> 00:31:52,955 Your body is amazing. You know how fast I can get you off? 433 00:31:54,706 --> 00:31:56,959 I've never been there. I hear it's beautiful. 434 00:31:57,042 --> 00:31:58,418 Are you gonna cum for me, Barbara? 435 00:31:58,502 --> 00:32:00,337 You're so hot. You like that? 436 00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:02,589 You like that? You like watching me touch myself? 437 00:32:02,673 --> 00:32:04,758 Come on, piggy. Roll around in the mud. 438 00:32:04,842 --> 00:32:08,095 Crawl for it, little pig. Come on, piggy. Roll around in the mud. 439 00:32:08,178 --> 00:32:09,388 I wanna lick you all over. 440 00:32:10,055 --> 00:32:12,432 That's great. I'm so proud of you, Donna. 441 00:32:12,516 --> 00:32:13,517 …cum for me, Barbara? 442 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,520 I wanna lick you all over. Show me how your touch yourself. 443 00:32:16,603 --> 00:32:19,356 Does your girlfriend know about me? Did you tell her what we do? 444 00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:21,108 Show me how your touch yourself. 445 00:32:21,191 --> 00:32:22,568 I love that movie. 446 00:32:26,530 --> 00:32:28,490 Fuck, I'm gonna make you feel so good. 447 00:32:36,290 --> 00:32:38,709 G, come get dinner with me. 448 00:32:40,002 --> 00:32:41,003 Nope. 449 00:32:41,503 --> 00:32:44,173 Come on. We'll get those spicy wings you like. 450 00:32:44,256 --> 00:32:45,257 It'll be fun. 451 00:32:46,300 --> 00:32:48,302 I think I'll solve a murder instead. 452 00:32:48,385 --> 00:32:50,387 It's fun too. You should try it some time. 453 00:33:02,649 --> 00:33:04,484 What aren't you telling me, Paula? 454 00:34:32,697 --> 00:34:34,824 That was very good. 455 00:34:34,908 --> 00:34:35,909 I know. 456 00:34:36,493 --> 00:34:37,911 Hello, Hazel.